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“How can I give you an answer when you have no idea how you’re going to feel a month or a year from now? Once the first thrill of being together wears off, you’ll probably start to compare your level of happiness against the joy you felt serving the parish. No matter what you say, a wife will come in second best.
“Knowing how honorable you are, you’ll remain silent even though you’ll be dying to ask me for a divorce. I can’t fathom how terrible it would be to watch you suffer over a decision you should never have made.”
His sensuous mouth flattened to a thin line. “I’ll be taking the same risk.”
Her head reared. “What do you mean?”
“After a few months, it’s possible you’ll become disenchanted of married life with me. We’ve been forbidden fruit to each other, but maybe you’ll decide I wasn’t everything you desired in a husband.”
Her cheeks flamed.
“I’m not going to tire of you, or long for my old life.” Shadows darkened his handsome features. “Don’t you understand I want to grow old with you?”
“You say that now—” she cried, doubt flooding through her.
His lids lowered so she couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. “Forgive me for keeping you up so late.” He turned to leave.
“Wait—where are you going?”
He paused midstride. “To the motel.”
“You know what I meant.” She moistened her lips nervously. “What will you do?”
“Without you in my life, I plan to move to Europe to work and live.”
The blood pounded in her ears. “Europe?”
“Yes. You and I are going to need an ocean between us. Since I spent some of my happier times there with friends, it makes the most sense. I want a life, Sydney. I crave all the things other men take for granted. A wife…children…
“I wanted you to be the woman I married, but since that isn’t possible, then I’ll meet someone who can handle the fact that I was once a priest. Someone who wants the same things out of life I do.”
His words caused excruciating pain. She took a step closer. “You mean you really aren’t going to go back to Cannon?”
His body stiffened. “Obviously I underestimated the strength of your misgivings. There’s only one thing I want to hear, and so help me, you’re not able to tell me, so let’s not prolong this.” His voice grated.
“Since I’ll be leaving Gardiner in the morning, I’ll say goodbye now and let myself out.” He headed for the entrance.
“Jarod—”
His tall, powerful body kept on walking right out the door into the chilly night. She listened for his footsteps until they faded. Tomorrow he’d be gone and she’d never see him again. By the time she heard his car drive off, she was frantic.
During their long, painful separation, the knowledge that Jarod was in that safe place in Cannon where she could always find him and know he was there serving the parish had sustained her.
But by leaving the priesthood, he’d become a free agent to roam at will wherever he wanted. With whomever he wanted.
She let out an anguished cry.
If she thought this last year had been unbearable without him, she couldn’t imagine what the rest of her life would be like not knowing where to find him.
He’d said he would meet a woman who wanted the same things out of life he wanted.
A tremor shook her body.
Sydney was that woman!
Without him, there would be no life for her, only pain. If she married him and he broke her heart later, could it be any worse than the way she was feeling right now? Probably it would be so much worse, she couldn’t abide the thought. But all she knew right now was that she loved him beyond caution or reason. She had to take the risk, if it wasn’t too late!
What if he changed his mind and left town tonight? Terrified over the possibility, she found her purse and flew out the front door to her car.
