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I sigh inwardly. This conversation is getting more and more philosophical by the second.
“Well, you just kind of know. It’s the people who are always there for you, who look after you and who make you laugh. It’s the people you look forward to seeing most each day.”
I stroke his hair again and shift my legs slightly. The floor is hard and my feet are starting to cramp but I don’t want to disturb Alex.
“Listen Alex, when I was a very little girl I used to worry that nobody loved me. I thought that maybe I would never find anyone to love me.”
“You did?” He turns to me, his eyes wide.
“I sure did. But I didn’t have to worry because you know what? People do love me. My brother loves me so much, and he always looks out for me, and I have plenty of friends who love me too.”
I rest my chin on my arm and look directly at him, smiling.
“It doesn’t have to be a mommy or a daddy who loves you. You can make your own family, with brothers and friends and aunties, and that’s just as good and just as loving as any mommy.”
Alex wraps his skinny arms around my neck and holds on tightly. I squeeze him back.
“I thought you were supposed to be tough.”
I crane my neck around to see who is speaking behind me, and my heart flutters dangerously again when I see Jess smiling down at me. I haul me and Alex to our feet and turn to face her.
“Well that rather depends on how much of our conversation you happened to hear,” I tease her.
She grins wider at me. “Oh only the sappy bit about love right there. Was there something I missed?”
I have the overwhelming urge to kiss her, but just as I’m debating with myself over whether it’s appropriate Jess beats me to it. She pulls me closer and presses her lips firmly against my own.
I dimly hear Alex mutter “eww, grown ups” and grin against Jess’ mouth.
Jess slides her hands down my arms and goose bumps rise up from my skin. She grips my hands with hers.
“I love you, Ashley. I really do, so much. I really hope we can still be together when this is all over because I don’t want to lose you.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. It feels so good to know that I haven’t lost Jess forever and my heart stutters in my chest. It’s happened so often today that I dimly wonder whether I need to collar a cardiologist somewhere on this ship.
There’s no time to dwell on the matter as Jess pulls me closer once again and I kiss her softly.
“I love you too,” I whisper hoarsely. I feel like something has changed inside of me, like I somehow know myself far better than I did before. Then I shake myself out of the trance I seem to have found myself in.
“We’d better crack on with the plan then.”
Jess nods. We say a hasty goodbye, and share one more kiss for luck, and then sweep off in opposite directions.
It’s showtime.
Thirty
Jess
I’m still wearing the ridiculously revealing sundress as I head into the bar looking for De Haverland. Its not like I had time to change but I figure, it should act as a distraction, at any rate. It does give me some considerable confidence as I stride through the bar and draw a few appreciative glances.
I see him sitting on a stool by the bar itself. I might be imagining it, but he seems to have a space around him, like he gives off bad vibes that no one else wants to touch. I’m just grateful both seats on either side of him are empty.
My guts are churning but I know my girls aren’t far away. This is the home stretch. All I have to do is pull this off and we’re all home free.
He doesn’t notice my approach, looking down into his glass with a scowl. I wonder if he’s ever happy. Instead of hating him, I feel a dose of pity. I’ve recently learned what it feels like to be happy—really happy. I think everyone deserves that kind of happiness, even dirty slugs like De Haverland.
I sit down in the stool beside him and he sits up and glares at me. I know he’s going to tell me to take off, not even bothering to see who it is. As his mouth opens to snarl, he sees my face and turns it into a self-satisfied grin instead.
