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“What’s your fucking problem? You’re wearing PVC! It just wipes off!”
“I got cold ice right down my chest!”
“You want me to lick it off?”
I take a step closer, growl rising in my throat. Strong hands grab my shoulders.
“Whoa, whoa.” I turn to see that sexy Rachel girl pulling me back. “What’s going on here?”
“She bumped into me—” Lucille starts.,
“She ran into me—” I protest back.
“I don’t care!” Rachel says sharply. Her eyes are darting around, watching the people starting to stare. “I warned you, if you came that you had to be on your best behavior. I’m sorry I invited you.”
“But I just—”
“No. Get out now. Or security will take you out.”
“Look, I was only—”
“Security!” Rachel yells. A short, broad woman shoulders through the crowd and grabs me.
“Don’t b
e gentle, honey.” I hiss at her. “I’m in need of a good ass whipping.”
“Yeah, yeah, wise ass.” The security chick has probably seen and heard it all before. My feet barely touch the ground as she drags me out and deposits me on the gutter.
To my absolute disgust, I feel tears burning behind my eyes. Like I even care if those stuck up bitches want me around or not. Why am I getting so upset over this?
I look around, sniffing back tears while I hold myself together.
Because I’ve got nowhere to go. No one gives a damn about me.
And no one ever will.
Five
Helen
Arriving at the Nook gives me a rush of pleasure. I can’t deny it, it’s true comfort and to me this is just as good as a hug from a special someone.
I don’t need a special someone. I’m kind of insulted by the insinuation that I should have one. I’m more than enough on my own.
My thoughts are very defiant and make me feel very sure of myself, but suddenly I feel very alone even though I’m in my favorite place surrounded by familiar people.
There’s this horrible feeling in my stomach that hasn’t gone away. I’ve carried my calm demeanor with me throughout my life by being completely honest with myself and everyone around me. I try to be completely efficient in everything I do, and honesty is the best way to do that.
But what I just told myself was a complete lie. Okay, I reject this whole notion of being a ‘half’ looking to make up a ‘whole’ because that’s just insulting.
It doesn’t change the fact that I really am lonely. I want to share myself with someone. I want to voice the quiet observations that flash across my mind and have them acknowledged. I want to hear responses to my thoughts and even rebuttals. I want to get up early with a smile on my face and make a beautiful breakfast knowing its going to make my girl smile.
And horny… Yeah. I’m not going to lie to myself about that. It’s been awhile now and coming here is always a sharp reminder of how long its been. I can’t just take my clothes off for anyone though. I think my last girlfriend joked that even after months of slow seduction, she still needed to chain me down and cut them off.
Good times.
I’m not in the club long when I hear a little scuffle. It’s not the sort of thing that usually draws my attention because I stay away from conflict. I mean, hell, I stay away from minor disagreements! Only at this very moment do I realize that I stay away from anything that might cause me real emotion.
