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“Sweet baby Jesus, Hammer, are you okay?” Her face is scrunched up in concern as she gently pats me down to make sure I haven’t hurt myself more than I already am. This is not the way I wanted her hands on me.
“Stop touching me, woman.”
“I’m just trying to make sure nothing is broken!”
Sending her a glare, I snap, “The only thing broken at the moment is my fuckin’ pride, so stop pattin’ me down and help me get off this fuckin’ floor before I fire your ass.”
She huffs yet slowly helps me up until I am standing on my own two feet again, which is only because she is supporting my body weight. With the patience of a saint, she then helps me shuffle my feet until we cross the two feet to my bed where she makes me lie down.
Fluffing my pillow, setting my clothes right, she fusses over me like some mother hen with her chick. It only makes me angrier.
Pushing her hands away, I growl, “I’m good. Now get out.”
Her eyebrows snap down, and she frowns at me. Then she gets the same look on her face that my mom would get right before she lectured me half to death about something. No damn way am I going to listen to her mouth right now.
“Don’t wanna hear it. Now get the fuck out.”
Her jaw snaps shut, and she glares at me for another minute before finally stomping out of the room.
This has to be the first time I have hated the sight of her walking away from me, but fuck it. A man needs to be alone to lick his wounds.
Two steps forward and five steps back. Dammit, Ethan, get your shit together.
~Desirae~
After hearing a loud bang in Hammer’s room, followed by feeling the actual apartment floor shake for a second, I run as fast as I can to check on him. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised to find him on the floor since I have had patients fall before, but I am. Of course, that’s only because I can see his walker underneath his body, and the wheels on his chair are locked. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he has been doing: the stand-up exercise I introduced to him yesterday.
Damn the man for being so stubborn!
Once I make sure he has no real injuries other than his damn pride, I leave the room.
I swear I need to run. I need to escape. Now that he is having a moment to himself, I need one for myself. The closer he gets and the more I’m around him, the harder he is to resist. I’m not sure it would be fair to him or myself to even give into anything between us. I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t think I should bring anyone else along for the ride.
I just don’t know if I have the self-control to keep my distance.
The bathroom is my new hideout. His eyes haunt me every night. I have a bedroom. I just can’t sleep there. The couch, even though the nightmares still come, is a tight space and seems to remind me I’m not alone. I also like feeling close to Hammer and knowing, if he needs me, I can be there.
Sometimes, I hear him move around. Knowing he’s there and I’m nowhere near home, I find the comfort to get back to sleep. I make sure to get up earlier than him so I can hide the fact that, night after night, I am drenched in cold sweats from the bad dreams of my sister and the tree. I’m here to help Hammer heal, not for him to deal with my drama.
With all the security cameras, the systems, and the Regulators rotation I know they are keeping an eye on the place. I don’t want to say I have a false sense of security because no one can save me from my dreams, but I do feel safe here.
There is this dynamic between Hammer and I that I’ve never had before. We balance each other and he intrigues me. I have this connection to him that is about more than him being my patient. I want to see him succeed not just to be well, but because there is a hunger in his eyes. I have met a lot of people in my profession, but none are as driven as Hammer. Every time he looks at me I can’t help but feel like he is seeing beyond the moment. I feel like he feels my pain, my loss, and more than that I feel like he understands my situation.
I want to touch him. Working out and stretching him, I see his body is clearly defined. As much as he drinks, though, I would hate to see his liver. Other than that, his body is a perfect male mold.
