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He’d dropped her back at his apartment and gone to the university to take care of some loose ends. His condo was a two bedroom with a beautiful view of the mountains and almost totally devoid of any sign of life, much less personality.
Looking in the cupboard at his two coffee cups and three plates, she started to believe that maybe he did know his own mind. And this empty life he lived was one he was ready to leave behind.
Her faith was reinforced when he’d come home, sliding into his king-size bed only to pull her into his arms, holding her so tight she couldn’t tell his heartbeat from hers.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant,” he’d whispered. “This is harder than I thought.”
“It’s okay,” she’d said, rolling over in his arms, holding his face in her hands. She hadn’t believed her own assurances, but she’d wanted him to believe them.
And now, in front of the conference room doors, Jack looked like a man heading toward the hangman’s noose.
“You don’t still blame yourself, do you?” she asked, smoothing down the worst of his haywire hair before he went in.
She should have given him a haircut before they left the ranch.
“It’s not that simple, Mia,” he said, pulling away from her touch. She tried not to take it personally, but everything was so screwed up. Jack was living in his head again, and she couldn’t figure out how to reach him. “I know I’m not the reason they’re dead and I’m alive, but I would feel a whole lot better if I had done everything in my power…” He shook his head, his breath shaking when he exhaled. “Christ, if I had just done my job. Maybe…”
Her heart ached for him, and as much as she wanted to touch him, she couldn’t. Between the tension and his mood, the arguments that they’d had about it, she didn’t know how to navigate this situation. Doubt, whisper-thin but poisonous, crept in along the seams of her belief. Her love.
You don’t fit in here, doubt said. His world has no room for you.
But he was leaving this world behind, she reminded herself, throwing her shoulders back in the black dress. A dress that was totally inappropriate, she knew, but it was the only slightly nice thing she had. It didn’t feel right to wear jeans and cowboy boots, and that’s all she owned.
“Thank you for being here,” he whispered, lifting her hand and kissing her fingers, breathing warmth onto her palm. “I don’t know if I could have done this without you.”
She kissed his ear. “I’m glad to be here,” she said, pushing the doubts aside. “Should I go in with you?”
He shook his head. “You can wait at the end of the hallway. There’s a faculty lounge there. Coffee and stuff.”
She nodded, wishing she could make a joke or something, anything to lighten the load, but she just felt so ill-equipped. It was tough not to wish they were back on the ranch.
He kissed her hard on the mouth and then opened the door.
Sunlight flooded the dark hallway from the floor-to-ceiling windows in the conference room and she got a quick look at a bunch of men in suits before Jack slipped in, shutting the door behind him.
Well, she thought, staring at the dark wood door. I guess now I wait.
But she sure as hell wasn’t going to wait in the killer shoes she was wearing. She slipped them off with a sigh of ecstatic relief before walking down the hallway toward the lounge.
The room was cheerful with yellow walls, a stainless steel fridge and big windows that looked out over the mountains and the busy quad in the center of campus. A white counter crowded with small appliances ran along a far wall and the rest of the room was filled with an old couch and a couple of empty chairs and tables.
The coffee smelled old, but strong, and she walked across the cool tile toward a cupboard, looking for a mug.
She found about thirty of them and chose one with a horse on it. The coffee was as bad as it smelled but she took the full cup and headed over to the fridge for milk.
Beside the fridge was a bulletin board filled with press clippings. All about Jack.
Pictures of Jack and Oliver shaking hands with the President. And Matt Damon. Surrounded by the smiling black faces of a dozen children.
Headlines screamed: Professor Brings Water and New Life to Village. Scientists Changing the World One Well at a Time. Cal Poly Faculty Shortlisted for Humanitarian Award. President Obama Asks to Meet Faculty.
Two people walked in and Mia jumped, coffee splashing down the front of her dress.
“Crap,” she muttered, pulling the burning fabric away from her chest.
“Are you…lost?” the woman asked, and Mia looked down at herself, barefoot and wearing a cocktail dress. On a Monday morning.
