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He wasn’t seeing things how I saw them. I wasn’t sure how we even got on this topic when it wasn’t what I’d come here for. I rubbed my temples and started to pace. “This is why I don’t do whatever this is. I can’t. I told you that. Remember?”
His eyes tracked my movements from left to right, but he said nothing in response to my outburst.
“I don’t know what the point of this is. We’re in a relationship. Lots of people have them. Whether or not you wish to be a part of it isn’t all that relevant because you’re fucking mine regardless.”
I stopped and glared at him. “You can’t fucking make me be with you.”
His brows rose, an arrogant, dark smile spreading across his face.
“You’ve preached an awful lot about not knowing who I am, but I’m pretty sure you’ve spent most of your life pretending to be someone you’re not. Is this the part when you drop that bullshit good girl act? Or does that only happen when my dicks inside you?”
It would have hurt less if he’d thrown me into the wall. His words cut deep because they were true.
Even worse, they reminded me of my mother. I never wanted to be anything like her. Standing here I was beginning to think the apple didn’t fall far from that very fucked up tree. “Look, I don’t know why I came here tonight. You…us…its nothing compared to what is actually going on in my life.”
He grabbed me around the waist and cemented me in place. “Then talk to me.”
“Rhett–.”
He cupped both sides of my face, cutting me off. “Why are you doing this right now? What’s wrong?”
My heart skipped in my chest. How could he read me so well? It was unnerving. I wanted to tell him everything but the sirens in my brain said no and for once logic won over my heart.
“Nothing.”
There was a tick in his jaw. I don’t know why I bothered to lie. I felt like the biggest hypocrite on the planet.
I had so many secrets of my own. I’d done terrible things, maybe even worse than him, and I didn’t know what to do anymore.
I was drowning in emotional turmoil and short of running back to a liquor bottle the only lifeline I saw was standing right in front of me. He went to let me go and I stopped him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“Nova.”
I kiss on the lips got no reaction, so I kissed his cheek, moving to his neck.
“Nova,” he repeated.
I slid my hands beneath his shirt and finally got a response. He tangled a fist in my hair and pulled my head back, making my thighs clenched; mouth slightly parting.
“How did you ever convince anyone your good and sweet when all you want is to be fucked like a slut?”
“By you,” I stressed, pleaded.
That sounded terrible, like all my other truths. The lie was pretty, so much easier to convey, and it was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.
He stared at me his face set back in that unreadable mask I couldn’t stand. I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. A walking disaster? A mistake? A selfish cunt?
“Tell me its you and me,” he demanded.
I blinked in confusion. “What?”
“Say it’ll always be me and you.”
“But…that isn’t true.”
“Then fucking lie to me.”
I swallowed past some emotion I couldn’t understand, one making my chest hurt as I told him what he wanted to hear.
“It’ll always be me and you
He tightened his grip, kissing me savagely. Walking me backward. There were hardly any words exchanged between us.
He shoved me onto the bed and tore my underwear from beneath my sweat dress.
My position was decided when he pinned me down by the throat, and just fucked me, his pants barely lower than his hips.
Hard. Brutal. Fucking.
The moans that poured from my mouth were uncontrollable, his name in almost all of them. I felt all of his frustrations and barely contained rage, drinking it all in like it was fucking acid. And that’s exactly what it was. He was a drug. One I blindly consumed without checking the side-effects. I couldn’t stop now that I’d gotten a hit. I knew he had issues, so did I. Our hollow parts were toxic, but they fit perfectly together.
I grabbed hold of his ass and pulled him deeper inside me, our teeth clashing in a brutal kiss. I came with my nails digging into his back, leaving behind tiny slits.
When he finished, I expected him to leave me there without a word. Instead he came back with a rag and a glass of water. My eyes burned, self-loathing and guilt gnawed at my insides like a rat in a maze.
I wanted to apologize for being such a mess, but I was suddenly tongue tied.
