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Not that I felt we had a damn thing to be forgiven for.
Nope, I was shutting that down. If I had to go to a doctor and get whatever gland makes the bitch chemical in my brain removed, I'd do it. Because this was about Olivia. Not about me and not about Neil and not about the fact that Valerie would always have a longer history with my husband than I did. Strangely, reminding myself of that only seemed to make things worse.
And I laughed.
Valerie’s brows met as she frowned, perplexed. “What’s so funny?”
How could I possibly explain without being the meanest person in the world? “I must love that little girl.”
Valerie tilted her head and squinted.
I lazily waved a hand to indicate her, sitting there in the living room of my guest house, the last place on Earth either of us wanted her to be. “Our main concern in helping you get out of that situation was reuniting you with Olivia. We all kept insisting, over and over, that having you in her life would be essential to this kid growing up happy and not emotionally scarred. It never crossed my mind even once that I should say, ‘no, fuck Valerie, I’m glad the bitch is gone.’ It turns out; I love her more than I hate you.”
Valerie chuckled, shaking her head in dismay. “We have that in common, you and I.”
“Well, I’m glad we can put our pettiness aside for Olivia’s good.” I glanced around the room one last time before I stood. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you. We’ll call before we bring Olivia down, every single time. I promise. We’re not going to wantonly invade your privacy while you’re here.”
“As you all keep saying. I’ll hang a sock on the doorknob if I have a gentleman caller,” she said dryly.
“That’s not what I meant. Although, I do have a history with this place.” I grimaced and headed for the door. “I can see myself out.”
I’d just corrected my trajectory to head out the front instead of through the laundry room when Valerie called, “Sophie?”
I paused and turned back. “Yeah?”
She looked down at her hands and smiled grimly. Then she met my eyes again. “Do you really hate me?”
I raised an eyebrow and folded my arms across my chest. “Yes. Do you really hate me?”
“Oh, absolutely.” She put out her arms to me, and we hugged. Hard.
Chapter Fifteen
Neil, El-Mudad, and I went up to our private balcony after dinner to sprawl on the extra-wide outdoor lounge we'd splurged on. Custom built, big enough for three people, it was a wonderful retreat from the rest of the house. Nine times out of ten, if I hid from the girls there, they had no idea where I was.
Snuggled beneath an afghan, resting my head on Neil's shoulder, I entwined my ankle with one of El-Mudad's feet. He lay opposite me, mirroring my position.
Neil sighed deeply. "I feel a bit like a sofa cushion."
"Shut up and let me snuggle you," I mumbled into his sweater.
El-Mudad stood with an adorable dad-groan and stretched. "My hip was falling asleep, anyway."
I watched him walk to the rail and peer out at the moonless night. As dark as it was, we couldn't see the ocean. It was too calm and eerily quiet.
"It feels like we're isolated in a timeless void," I said with a happy sigh.
"Unfortunately, not timeless," Neil reminded me. "You were going to the foundation tomorrow morning, weren't you?"
"I can sleep in the helicopter." I wouldn't, though. I'd sleep in dangerously close to the wire and do my makeup in flight.
Neil just made a non-committal "hmm."
We shared a companionable silence I was loath to break, but it was the first chance I'd gotten to mention what had happened that afternoon. "I went to see Valerie."
"Sophie..." Neil said, warning me.
"I know, I know." I'd already promised so many times that I wouldn't make her feel weird or intruded upon, lest she run for the hills and into a potentially dangerous situation. "Believe me. It’s not going to be a usual thing. It's not like I was so psyched to spend time with her that I'm going to invite her up to the house for family dinner."
"Well, once or twice wouldn't hurt—" Neil began, abruptly silencing himself when El-Mudad shot him a swift, recriminating glance.
"I thought it would be the neighborly thing to do. Just to see how she's settling in." I bit my thumbnail. "She hasn't filed for divorce yet."
Neil's chest moved with an indrawn breath beneath my hand.
"I don't think it's anything to worry about," El-Mudad reassured us both. "Give the poor woman a moment to breathe. She's been through so much, and now you want her to start doing paperwork?"
"Her attorney would do the paperwork," Neil pointed out.
"She might not have one anymore," I reminded them. "Laurence isolated her so completely; we don't have any clue what kind of resources she even has."
