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I’d lost my damn mind.
When she threw Ray Forrester up in my face, I had gone primal. I was like an animal, wanting to wipe him out of her mind, get his name out of her mouth and drive away any thoughts of any man besides me. Now, I realized she had never had any interest in Forrester, and that they never even went out. So there was no reason for that kind of over-the-top response. Still, I wanted to claim her, possess her, mark her as mine. I might as well have been a caveman and dragged her into my cave instead of leading her into her office.
And when she threw the deadbolt on the door, locking us in together, I’d known beyond a shadow of a doubt that Nicole intended the same thing I did. We did it right there in her office. I said things to her I never thought I’d say out loud. The clench of her body in ecstasy is what made me come, what made me shoot out inside of her in long, hot spurts so many times I thought I’d pass out. I’d never come that hard, the way I’d emptied inside of Nicole with nothing between us. That raw, slick, hot fuck right there in her chair behind her desk. She was probably sitting in that chair all day, answering emails, taking calls, and knowing that her perfect ass was perched right where I had sat and fucked her a few hours ago. I wanted her sitting there, catching a whiff of sex still in the air, the hot musk of our sweat and arousal.
Washing off her thighs, I had wanted to kiss her clit again, just press my lips to her and let her know what a fierce joy it had been to taste her like that, to have her place that trust in me. All the time, I caught myself wanting to do small but inappropriately intimate things like that. I wanted to walk up to her and kiss her neck. I wanted to slide my hand down and just palm her between the legs, a possessive gesture, warm and erotic. Mine. That kind of thing was going to have to stop.
I couldn’t go around thinking like that, not at work. I was feeling something, some kind of obsession maybe. It was new and all-consuming, and it felt like I belonged to her. Like Nicole owned my body, like she could text me this second and I’d just go settle up my bar tab and drive to her place, no hesitation. She could crook her finger in a come-hither gesture and I’d go to her. I’d fall on my knees and shove her skirt up, drape a long leg over my shoulder. I wanted to do that and never stop. The way I was raised, a man didn’t get all tied up in one woman.
Look at my grandpa—who skirted around and then ran off on my grandma. The men all around when I was growing up, my dad included, ran around on their wives and girlfriends. A man held a job, put food on the table, kept his word in business and did what he wanted to otherwise. Never subject to any one woman or her whims. Men sure didn’t go around longing to be with this one woman and thinking he’d do anything to get her in his bed again. My dad once told me one woman’s as good as another. Now, I knew that was a shitty, wrongheaded attitude even when I was fifteen, but I knew I still had some of that in me, the idea that a man was his own person and not tied down to a woman, not bothered about being monogamous. Not to mention, I’d tried it once before and it hadn’t exactly worked out for me.
That was one reason that one-nights worked for me for a long time. The expectations were pleasure and fun, not trying to make me a one-woman man.
Something about Nicole was making me want that. Making me want to prove I was better than where I came from, good enough to keep a woman like her happy. I was starting to freak about that kind of thinking when a cute blonde in a low-cut top came over and sat beside me.
“Whatcha drinking?” she said.
“Draft. They’re 99 cents tonight,” I said.
“Wanna buy me one?” she said. “I’m pretty thirsty.”
I looked at her and it took me a full thirty seconds to figure out she was flirting with me. It was like my radar was busted. Normally I’d turn on the charm and buy her any drink she wanted, but tonight I didn’t feel like it. Really, I wanted her to go away. I didn’t want to be rude or anything, didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I just wasn’t into it.
