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I believed what I wanted to believe.
It was the same thing I did for years when it came to Dad. That first year or two after Mom left and he started drinking, I told myself the drinking was just how he coped with losing the love of his life. That forgetting to pay the light bill was grief, not addiction. I lied to myself over and over until it was clear that the drunk passed out on the sofa was simply who Oliver Thompson was now. It wasn’t a fluke or a phase, it was reality.
Once I figured that out, I knew it was up to me to take care of both of us, because he wasn’t capable of doing it, and I did it. Every day for years until I graduated from high school, I did it all.
It taught me how to take care of myself because there was no one to step in to do it for me. From the age of thirteen I only had myself to rely on. Just me and no one else.
That’s what I get for trying to change things.
“Hey Gus, what’ll it be?” The bartender at The Outpost, Cyrus, flashed a friendly bearded smile at me and I shook myself from my thoughts. I wouldn’t hold a grudge against Antonio, he was who he was, and he didn’t need to apologize for it. No, it was my thinking that was the problem. Me.
“Hey Cy, I’ll have two beers and a large pitcher of mango margaritas, please.”
Cyrus let out a long, low whistle. “Are we drinking away problems, or is this a celebration?”
I shrugged. “Probably a little bit of both, I suppose.”
The look of sympathy that flashed in his big blue eyes put me on edge, but it also made me smile. Cy was a big bear of a man, but he was as kind as he was large.
“In that case, have a shot. On the house.”
“Thanks.” I accepted the clear liquid and the lime wedge with a grateful smile and knocked it back, letting the silver tequila burn its way down my throat until the warm flush of tipsiness calmed my racing heart. “Thanks a lot, Cy.” I paid for the drinks and left him a nice tip before making my way back to the table with our drinks.
“Sheesh woman, did you get lost on the way to the bar?” Hannah flashed a toothy grin and arched a brow as if she knew exactly where I was and what I was up to. Teddy and Megan looked up at my arrival, curiosity swimming in their gazes as well.
I shrugged off the looks. “Long line at the bar, and it takes time to make margaritas.” It was a little white lie because I wasn’t ready to tell the girls what happened.
Megan rested her chin in her hand and wiggled her eyebrows at me. “You sure you didn’t get sidetracked by a certain gorgeous chef?”
“I’m sure,” I practically growled at her. “Sorry.”
Teddy smacked her hands on the round bar table and sighed. “All right Gus, out with it. What did my brother do now?”
“He didn’t do anything. Nothing at all. In fact, it’s me who’s the problem.” I wouldn’t be one of those women who turned the man into the villain for being who he was.
“What in the hell does that mean?” Hannah’s blond brows dipped into an angry mask.
I sighed and took my time to pour the margaritas while I gathered my thoughts. These women were my friends and I wouldn’t lie to them, but first a long sip of mango margarita. “It means that I made the same mistake women have been making since the beginning of time. I ignored his words and only paid attention to his actions. I let them guide me when I shouldn’t have. I knew the score, as he put it, and I did. But I fooled myself anyway.”
Teddy sucked in an outraged breath. “My brother said that to you?”
“No,” I sighed. “Not to me. I overheard him telling Cal and Casey that we were just having fun and I knew the score.”
“No!” Hannah gasped.
“Yeah, that’s what he said it, and I don’t blame him. I did, do, know the score.”
“That’s crap and you know it,” Teddy insisted. “What did you know, Gus?”
“That Antonio is a heartbreaker. A bad bet. I knew he didn’t want me, at least not for more than a few nights, maybe a few weeks, but I let myself believe.” It was so stupid on my part. “I’m not the woman that a guy like him falls for, and honestly I don’t want to be, but he’s kind and sweet. He brought me flowers and asked me to spend time with him and Rosie this weekend. I let myself believe it was more than a kind gesture.”
