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“I had to.” I’d stuck around for as long as I could because someone had to take care of the house and the bills, but it got harder and harder.
“I know it, and I’m glad you did. Would’ve been so much worse if you had sacrificed your future for me, when it wasn’t clear I would have one.”
I never let myself think of how bad it must have gotten before he finally went to rehab and stopped drinking. I didn’t want to know. “I’m glad you’re better, Dad.”
He shook his head. “Every damn day is a struggle and I imagine it will be for as long as I’m able to draw air, but when I wake up clean and sober, I smile because it means I conquered another day.” He walked to me and wrapped me in his wiry arms and gave me a tight squeeze. “Don’t let my failures as a father cost you future happiness, sweet Gus. Antonio is a good man who wants nothing more than to be a good father to his daughter.”
“I know that, Dad.” The problem wasn’t that he wasn’t a good man, that had never been the problem.
“Then what’s the problem, girl?” Dad frowned at me like I was the crazy one. That stung.
“I can’t trust him with my heart. He lied to me once and I refuse to wait around for him to realize what he really wants is his ex, or a woman just like her.” A man like him didn’t go from a Hollywood beauty to a frumpy nurse, no matter what he thought. No matter what anyone else said.
“You forgave me. Can’t you forgive him too?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so, Dad.”
“Why the hell not?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to talk about this, not with him, because it would only hurt him. “Because Dad, my childhood scarred me. I have a habit of choosing men who need me because, I guess I think it means they’ll stay for as long as they need me. But they don’t. Not ever.” It was pathetic, how much I twisted and contorted myself to be loved in the past. I was older now, which meant I should be wiser. I wasn’t wise enough not to fall for Antonio, but I had to be wise enough to not give in to those feelings.
“Well I am sorry about that, but sweetheart you’re smart and beautiful and any man would be lucky to have your love. I know I’m a lucky bastard that you still talk to me, and even now, you’re still taking care of me.” He smacked a rough kiss to my cheek. “Even if all you bring me is vegetables.”
“Old habits die hard,” I assured him with a warm smile.
“Well, kill that habit and bury it ten feet under.” He stomped his foot on the floor for good measure. “And there’s something else, Antonio doesn’t need you. He’s been taking care of him and his little girl without you for years. If he wants you, it’s because he just wants you.”
A nice thought, but I still didn’t trust it. “I don’t know about that.”
“Well you should think on it, long and hard,” he said with a smile as the doorbell rang. A quick look at the watch on his wrist produced a wicked smile. “Not too long though, that’s probably Antonio and Rosie here for lunch.” His loud belly laugh echoed behind him as he went to open the door.
“Damn scheming old man,” I growled to myself and put on my game face.
I could do this, spend an hour or two with Antonio without thinking about more. Without wanting more than he would ever give.
Antonio
The surprise in Augusta’s eyes when I walked into the kitchen, matched my own, so lost in my thoughts as Rosie and I made the short walk to Oliver’s little ranch house, I didn’t notice her car parked out front.
“Augusta. Hi.”
“Hey,” she shot back a little breathlessly. Her eyes stayed on my face, almost as if she was happy to see me. Almost. Then her gaze darted to Rosie and Oliver, and her shoulders fell. “I’ll let you all get to your afternoon as soon as I put away the groceries.”
“Stay,” I insisted automatically. “There’s room for all of us. Right?” Maybe she just didn’t want to be around me, but part of my plan was to make that impossible.
“Of course.” The words came out on a haughty tone that brought a smile to my face. “What have you got planned?”
My smile brightened. “Brought some ginger beer and strawberry soda for Ollie here, the old man can’t get enough.”
“Who you callin’ old, boy? I’ll still give you a run for your money,” he griped but I didn’t need to look over to hear the smile in his voice.
