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He expects me to answer, so I do. “I understand.”
“But you took your time answering.”
I close my eyes, wincing, glad that my back is to him so he can’t see my face. “When you’ve been through what I have, it’s not easy to trust. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds, long enough that I can’t help but wonder if I’ve offended him. Finally, he sighs in my ear. “Yes, I suppose it would be difficult.” Is it just me, or do his arms tighten a little bit when he says it? Almost like he’s hugging me.
It’s dangerous, thinking that way, but it also makes me feel good. If I can trick myself into thinking this is all for my benefit, that he’s doing this for me as opposed to protecting an investment or something like that, I can finally and fully relax. I sink deeper into the bed, into the pillows under my head. I can feel safe with his arms around me. Like nothing in the world will touch me so long as I’m with him.
“There’s something about me I want to make clear, here and now. No matter what I do to you or to any other woman in the service of my needs, I detest anyone who takes their frustrations and feelings of inadequacy out on a weaker person. They’re the worst kind of coward, and there’s no place for them in society. I hate thinking of you suffering at the hands of someone like that. And I wish I had known he might one day be a problem, so I could’ve helped you avoid him.”
It takes a minute for what he’s saying to sink into my brain. “You would’ve done that? Help me, I mean?”
“I don’t say things I don’t mean, Rowan. Yes, I would’ve done my best to see to it you were safe, away from him. While I understand your reticence, I hope you understand now that it’s best to be honest with me.”
“But I didn’t know.” To be honest, I still don’t. I can’t figure him out. One second, he looks like he’s ready to kill somebody, and the next, he’s practically rocking me to sleep in his arms.
“Now you do. You need something, you tell me so.”
“Okay. I will.”
“Now try to get some sleep. You’re overtired, distraught. Some rest will help. And when you wake up, there’s plenty to eat and drink in the kitchen. I want you to take care of yourself.”
“I will.” And as I close my eyes, if only for his sake, I try to convince myself he’s being sincere. That he only wants to help me out. I wish I could believe him, that’s all. I wish I could shake the idea of there being strings attached somehow. Maybe I’m not being fair to him, but screw fair. Life hasn’t exactly been fair to me, either.
After a while, his arms loosen, and he slides away from me. I start a little but settle back down, my eyes still closed. Let him think I’m asleep. He walks slowly and quietly from the room and closes the door without hardly making a sound, leaving me alone.
I wish I could understand him.
12
Lucian
It wasn’t easy to leave her, knowing how distressed she is. I did what I could to see to her comfort before I left, at least. Knowing she’s here rather than out in the world somewhere that piece of shit could find her brings me a measure of peace.
A small measure. Otherwise, my insides are churning the way they’ve done since I first set eyes on her this afternoon. So wounded, frightened. Thinking a locked door would protect her from her ex. If he could follow her to the mall, he must know where she lives by now.
I wonder what’s kept him from charging into her apartment—then, I admit there’s nothing to wonder about. I can’t pretend I’ve never done my share of stalking. For fuck’s sake, I stalked Rowan only days ago.
I didn’t want to harm her, though. That’s the difference between us—one of many.
He loved the idea of hurting her, breaking her body, and twisting her mind. Living in her head. Knowing every time she looked in the mirror or touched her face, she’d think of him. Picture him looming over her. He’s drawing out the tension—or thinks he is.
Little does he know.
Alexei texts me a couple of hours after I return to the club. On the way. Everything set. I know what that means, and I can’t help smiling. This day took an interesting turn, but it’s about to end pleasurably. At least, for me.
Getting up, I walk over to the bar cart to pour myself a drink, savoring it in the minutes before Alexei and Rick return with their prize. For someone with a penchant for beating and humiliating women, Eric ought to practice more care when it comes to covering his tracks. Who knows when an enraged parent or sibling will come looking for revenge.
