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But then I remember him coming in and saving me from the psycho with the knife. Talking me through a panic attack. Holding me in his arms until I finally calmed down. It’s like he’s two different people. It’s a shame there’s never any telling which version you’re going to get from one minute to the next.
It’s like I keep attracting men like that into my life. Eric was like that too. He could be charming and funny, even genuinely sweet sometimes. I guess even monsters know how to hide that side of themselves when they need to.
I’m grateful for the knock on the door, and not just because I’m starving. At least eating a pizza gives me something to do besides dwelling on the same stuff I’ve been obsessing over for a week. I grab my wallet before going to the door, opening it before thinking twice.
And that’s a mistake. The door swings open hard enough to bounce off the wall next to it, and I barely have time to get out of the way before Lucian barges into the apartment.
It feels like my heart is going to explode right out of my chest. I run for the kitchen, flailing around, trying to find a weapon. There’s a knife in the drawer next to the sink, and I grab it, holding it up at shoulder height. “Stay away from me!”
“Is this really necessary?” He sounds tired, not afraid. Of course, why would he be afraid of somebody like me? I’m nobody, aren’t I?
“Is it necessary that you had to practically break into my apartment? What do you think you’re doing? You don’t belong here. Didn’t I make myself clear? Do I need to remind you?” I grip the knife tighter, watching his every move. I can’t shake the feeling of waiting for him to strike.
“Put down the knife, Rowan.” He begins unbuttoning his suit jacket because, of course, he has to wear a suit everywhere. “I only came to talk.”
“That doesn’t mean I have to listen. Do you ever get tired of shoving yourself into somebody’s life? I didn’t ask you to come here, and I have nothing to say to you.”
“There are still a few things I want to say.”
“You could’ve called me. Alexei has my number.”
“Some things a person doesn’t want to say over the phone. Some messages deserve to be delivered face-to-face.” I can’t believe he’s actually making himself comfortable as though he’s planning on staying. He takes off his jacket and everything, draping it over one arm before loosening his tie. “It’s been a long day.”
“I don’t care.” Still, I can’t help but snicker. “What, did you have to sit behind a desk and collect money for work other people are doing? It must be exhausting.”
He smirks. “You just described the life of every CEO alive. But I didn’t come here for this. I came here to tell you I realize I went too far, and I apologize for that. It was uncalled for and unforgivable. You’re absolutely right to take this attitude with me.”
I can’t help but feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop as we face off from across my tiny kitchen. Does he mean it? Do I want him to? The answer to that is a very pathetic yes. I do. I want him to be telling the truth, and I want to believe him. When am I ever going to stop being weak for men like him?
When he doesn’t say anything else for a while, I shrug. “Is that it? Is that what you came to say?”
“I suppose—no, come to think of it, that’s not all I came here for.”
I should’ve known. “What else do you want? And don’t even consider asking me to put myself through that bullshit again because I won’t. So just forget about it.”
“That’s not it, either. You have to stop jumping to conclusions.”
“And maybe you need to stop being so cryptic all the time.” When his eyes go wide, I roll mine. “I do know words. I’m not a complete idiot.”
“No one ever said you were. I’m just not accustomed to being called out the way you’re doing now.”
“Yeah, well, if you’re looking for an apology, you’ve come to the wrong place.”
“I’m not looking for an apology.” His smile even seems genuine. “I was hoping for a little company, to be honest.”
All I can do is blink at him. “You’re serious.”
“I am.”
“So you came here. To me. Of all the people in your world.”
“What can I say? I enjoy spending time with you.”
I don’t know if I can believe that or not. What’s so special about me? “I’m not having sex with you tonight—or anybody else,” I think to add when I remember all the little loopholes people like him use to trick others.
