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Trusting that he wouldn’t give me anything nasty, I tried one and found it to be sweet and juicy, with a texture like a cross between an apple and grape. “These are good,” I said. “Thanks.”
Helori dropped to sit beside me again. “I do realize that what the demon realm calls ‘good’ may be ‘horrendous’ on Earth. I will do my best to offer only tasty tidbits, though I encourage you to always test because I might misjudge.” He grinned.
“Will do.” I held up a berry. “These look a lot like cranberries. My aunt and I string cranberries and popcorn garlands for the Christmas tree every year.” Lowering my hand, I let out a soft sigh. “I’m still hoping to make it back home for Christmas this year.”
“That is only a couple of weeks away,” he replied, obviously familiar with the Earth date. I made a mental note of that. “Perhaps with an escort,” he continued, “but not alone, not that soon.”
I popped the berry into my mouth and nodded. “Eilahn made me promise not to leave my house or another warded place until I could summon her back.”
“She is wise for her youth and quite devoted.” He glanced over at me. “She would not be denied in her determination to go to you.”
“I thought Rhyzkahl asked her to go,” I said, surprised.
“Well, yes he did.” Helori’s eyes crinkled in a smile. “Though it became his idea to do so through the counsel of Olihr, who conspired with Eilahn.”
My surprise deepened. “But why? I mean, how could she possibly know about me, let alone want to be my protector?”
“Your existence became well known among the syraza as soon as you brought Rhyzkahl through the first time,” he told me. “She touched in to the impression and resonated instantly.”
“That’s…wow.” Amazed and deeply flattered, I had no idea what to say about that. “I do like her very much.”
“Good!” he said with a chuckle. “Because I think you’re stuck with her. Though Eilahn alone is not adequate protection for you yet.”
“I know how to be careful.” But a frown tugged at my mouth. Being careful hadn’t helped me the past few days, had it? “My house and the police station are warded like crazy.” I could take care of myself at home. Yeah, I’d have to become a hermit, but it would be worth it simply to be back.
Helori wasn’t smiling anymore. “You know how to be careful in your old paradigm,” he said, serious. “It served well enough for a time with Zakaar and Eilahn watching over you, and limited interest in you from other than Rhyzkahl. You are known now, so that interest is no longer limited. Others will seek you, and you are yet unschooled in the arcane beyond basics.”
A sick knot began to form in my gut. “What are you saying, Helori? That I can’t go home?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m saying that you need to be far better prepared before going home. Even a brief visit before then would require an escort in addition to Eilahn, and it would still be inadvisable.”
“Okay, so I’ll summon more demons,” I said, desperately clinging to the comforting thought of getting away from this place soon. “I’ll owe favors if I have to.”
He reached and laid a hand on my arm. “You have had a brief glimpse of the work that Idris does, yet you comprehend only a fraction of it,” he said with quiet insistence. “You know now that there is so much more apart from rudimentary Earth-side summoning. You need expanded skills, and you have the resources, now, to acquire them.”
My eyes dropped to my hands in my lap. The low breeze stirred my shirt, brushing the fabric against the scars covering my torso. A nameless dread rose within me. “I can’t stay here,” I said hoarsely. “My aunt and my friends, they don’t know what happened to me. They don’t know if I’m alive or dead.”
“They can be notified through Gestamar, when next he is summoned,” Helori said quietly.
I let out a harsh laugh utterly devoid of humor. “Yeah, that’d be some letter home. ‘Hey, y’all, weather’s great here. Miss you tons. Oh, by the way, I got the shit tortured out of me, and everything’s all fucked up. Write soon!’”
“They would know you lived,” was his gentle reply. “Your choice to stay here and learn is critical, Kara. To best protect those on Earth, as well as yourself, you need to be as strong and capable as possible. Zakaar will most certainly be watching over your friends and family in your absence, though his primary focus is Ryan.”i took both my hands in his. “It was a very present possibility on several occasions, yes,” he said with full honesty. “In the early instances, for the preservation of the realm. In the instance prior to your surprising departure, to keep you from the hand of Rhyzkahl, though in doing so it protected the realm as well.”
“And what if he decides the realm needs protecting again?” I asked quietly.
The syraza seemed to look into me. “He would do what he must,” he replied, not lying—which, I supposed, was better than a line of bullshit. “He takes his stewardship quite seriously. However, I know him well. With all that has happened, he will do everything in his power to see that it does not come to that.”
“But how am I supposed to live knowing that at any moment he could?” I asked, deeply shaken. “And would?” Was I safe anywhere?
Helori lowered his head, gaze intensifying. “That is a question only you can answer. You know something of what is possible on a personal level from your time as a guardian of others.” I knew he was referring to my career as a police officer. “Answer for yourself what you would want in such a situation. Answer for yourself if you knew many others would die so that you may live. Speak to Mzatal of it. He will not lie to you and will tell you precisely where he stands. And you can tell him precisely where you stand.”
Even though I understood Helori, and agreed, I still felt myself trembling at the thought of having such a conversation with Mzatal. “I’m not ready to do that.” I’d never be able to hold myself together for a talk like that. Not now, not feeling so fucked up. Will I ever be not fucked up? I couldn’t even imagine it.
“No, you are not ready,” he said. “And you do not need to be yet. We will not return until you feel more yourself. And I will care for you until then. You have my word on that.”
Throat tight, I nodded as the truth of it wound around me like a warm blanket. Pulling away from his hand, I turned away. I knew I was about to start crying, and I quickly ducked under the water to get my face wet so it wasn’t so obvious. I didn’t want to have to deal with any of the shit that went along with crying, like being comforted, or anything like that.
“I want to swim,” I told him, and didn’t wait for a response before diving into an oncoming swell.
