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“What is it, sweetling?”
Sheesh, there was no diplomatic or easy way to ask this. “Have you ever had a baby?”
A shadow of old grief passed over her face. Her hand tightened briefly in mine. “Oh, goodness, what a question.” She gave me a sad smile. “Not long before your father died I had a baby, but he was stillborn.”
A weird chill stole through me. The blond hair, the grey eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I said, since that was the expected response. “Um, was Katashi…?”
She let out a peal of laughter. “Oh, dear heavens, no!” She smiled, shook her head. “It was a brief fling with an American living in Japan. He left before I even knew I was pregnant, and when the baby died I saw no reason to contact him and let him know.”
Something seemed off about the way she said it, as if she was reciting a story instead of drawing from memory. I was willing to bet a year’s paycheck that her baby hadn’t been stillborn, but I had too many questions of my own to begin to poke at her version of things.
“And now I have you,” she said, patting my hand. “The daughter of my heart.”
“Goddammit, Tessa,” I muttered. “Now you’re making me cry.”
She laughed and pulled me close, and we rocked in easy silence until the others called us in for dinner.
When evening came Tessa and Carl took their leave, and Jill and Zack went to the guest bedroom to take a nap. I found Ryan doing cleanup in the kitchen, took him by the hand and tugged him out to the front porch. He followed without question, but concern darkened his eyes.
I sat down on the steps, waited for him to do likewise. The night was cool and humid, and a mosquito buzzed nearby. “I have something I need to tell you.”
The worry on his face deepened. “What is it?”
I exhaled. He was not going to take this well. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that. “I have to go back.”
Ryan stared at me. “Are you insane?” He shook his head in denial. “Kara, you’re not going back there. Really, that’s crazy talk.”
Yep. That was about the reaction I expected. “I’m not safe here, Ryan. Not yet.” I met his eyes. “They’ll come after me, and come after the people I love.” The Szerain in him would understand that part. “Mzatal is training me.” I paused. “We’re working together.”
A liquid keenness touched his eyes. He drew breath to speak, then released it. “Shit.” He ran a hand through his hair and shifted. “There’s so much I don’t know. Tell me what happened.”
There seemed to be a faint difference in him. Or was I simply imagining it? Maybe it was pure delusion on my part, but I thought there was a touch more Szerain to him.
I gave him a quick and dirty rundown, not going into much detail on the parts that could possibly upset him, such as the torture. Or the bit about my profound connection—and really great sex—with Mzatal. I suspected Szerain would be pleased for me and completely unthreatened, but I wasn’t sure if Ryan would handle it as well, and I didn’t want to say anything that could hurt him.
And, holy shit, but it was weird to think of them as two separate people. Which they weren’t, I knew. Which made it even weirder.
I told him about the fight at Szerain’s palace, and how everything went to complete shit, and how I damn near destroyed the world. I debated telling him that the west tower was pretty much gone, taking with it Szerain’s studio, chambers, and all of his memories of humans and demons captured in sculpture—and decided against it. Nothing he could do about it submerged, and it would likely hurt like hell. “And then Tessa summoned me.”
Ryan let out a low whistle. “Wow, so when you left, every thing there was still falling apart?”
“It’s part of why I need to return. I chalked the patterns for the ritual and fed power into the storage diagram this morning,” I told him. “I’m going in a few hours.”
His brow still creased with worry, but he gave a slow nod. “It’s weird. When you first said it, I was like, fuck no. But now it feels like the right thing to do.” Then he frowned and gave me a sharp look. “Wait. How the hell will you get there?”
“I’m going to summon Mzatal,” I told him. And I knew without a doubt that I could.
I almost laughed at the shift of emotions on his face. Ryan seemed relatively nonplussed about that, but Szerain was surprised. “Summon Mzatal? On your own? As simple as that?”n bundled me upstairs and bandaged the gash on my arm, though the bleeding had long stopped, and it already looked as if it was closing on its own. Once that was done she helped me into the bathtub and kept an eye on me as well, which was a damn good thing since I ended up falling asleep. Would’ve been an ignominious way to die, especially considering all the shit I’d managed to survive thus far. But she got me out, dried off, and into bed, and by the time I woke up late the next morning, I felt almost coherent enough to make all the decisions I knew I needed to make.
One thing I knew for sure was that I had to get back to the demon realm as soon as possible, which meant summoning Mzatal tonight. It was only a matter of time before the hunt for me began—whether to kill or capture—especially now that I had Vsuhl. I wasn’t safe here, and none of the people close to me were safe either. I needed the shikvihr and everything else I could absorb so that I could become the badass I needed to be and return here as soon as possible. I had a pretty strong feeling that Earth was where I’d be able to make the most difference with the shit coming down. Therefore, I was going to be working and studying as if the fate of the world depended on it. Which, y’know, it did.
However, a planned visit to the demon realm meant I could actually take some of the stuff with me that I missed while there before. I spent the next couple of hours running errands and shopping with Eilahn—now in human form—and Zack. Both stated quite firmly that I was not to be more than five feet away from either of them at any time, and I was to complete my errands as quickly as humanly possible and then get my ass back behind strong wards.
Around noon I headed home to discover that Tessa, Carl, Jill, and Ryan had taken over the place and were deep in the throes of readying a Welcome Back celebration. Eilahn and Zack didn’t look the least bit surprised, which led me to believe they’d been willing accomplices.
I was surprised to find a handful of presents for me, held patiently from Christmas, a month past. The best was my lovely leather coat, which had been either thoroughly and professionally cleaned or replaced outright. I apologized for not having anything to give to anyone, and everyone lovingly teased me for my failure to do any shopping before Christmas, so it was all right.
Jill gave me a fierce hug as soon as she got me alone. “If I start bawling it’s only because I’m pregnant and hormonal and has nothing to do with how worried I was about you.”
