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“Uh huh, but I’d have known anyway,” she said. “You only get that look on your face when it has to do with her.” With that, she gently but firmly pushed me back into the bedroom, closed the door then held out her hand, palm up. With a sigh, I retrieved the letter and handed it over.
She read it, lips pursed. “Well, I can see why you’re upset.”
“Duh! Tessa stabbed me in the back, and now she wants to justify it to me.”
Jill skimmed the letter once more before she passed it back. “She hamstrung you.”
“Huh?”
“Hamstrung. Crippled.” She angled her head. “Tessa told you she’d advocated for having your abilities stripped. She didn’t want to kill you.”
It took me several seconds to find my voice. “Are you defending her?” I finally sputtered.
“No,” Jill said sharply. “I’m defining the parameters of the situation.”
“Fine.” I gritted out. “She hamstrung me, and she claims it was to keep them from killing me. But I think it’s because she—they—wanted me alive for some future plan. Either way, it was a fucking betrayal!”
Her expression gentled. “And it broke your heart.” She moved to the bed and sat. “Tessa hurt you far more than Rhyzkahl did.”
My throat tightened. Jill was right. I’d endured unspeakable agony at Rhyzkahl’s hands, but it couldn’t hold a candle to the pain Tessa had caused.
Jill patted the comforter beside her, and I obediently sat.
“You were just a kid when your mom died,” she said quietly, slipping an arm around me.
“Eight.” My voice cracked as I leaned into her. “I was eight. And I was eleven when my dad was killed.”
“And then Tessa raised you.”
“If you can call it that,” I said bitterly.
Jill exhaled a slow breath. “Your parents got you through the walking and talking stage and taught you all about manners and morals, but it was Tessa who was with you through the really tough times—growing up and puberty and being a teen and becoming an adult. She had no small part in you turning into the smart, kind, kickass chick you are now.”
I glared at her. “You think I should just welcome her back with open arms?”
“Don’t be silly,” she replied, tone mild but with steel at its core. “I’m simply pointing out how important she is to you.”
“Again, duh!” I waved the letter. “Why do you think this has me so twisted up?”
“You’re twisted up because you don’t know why she did what she did.” Jill gave me a squeeze, or maybe she was simply tightening her hold to keep me from bolting. “Tessa acted against you for a reason. Her reason may suck, but I don’t think you’ll be able to move past this until you know the truth.”
I scowled. “Except I can’t trust her to tell me the truth.”
“Maybe listening to her explanation wouldn’t change anything,” Jill said with a shrug, “or maybe it would.”
“Or maybe Tessa doesn’t want to explain shit, and this gag-me fake contrition was just another ploy to lure me into a trap so she and her cronies could hamstring me even more, especially since my abilities are coming back.”
“Sure. But if and when the opportunity arises again, you’ll be braced for it, and her actions will tell you all you need to know, don’t you think?”
“I’ll know there isn’t any hope for us!” I snapped. My breath caught an instant later. “Oh. That’s it, isn’t it?” I looked over to see Jill wearing a faint smile. “I’m still clinging to the hope that this is all some big misunderstanding. I haven’t given up yet because I don’t understand why she betrayed me. I just don’t fucking get it, so I keep walking on the same broken glass over and over, looking for a pattern that probably isn’t even there.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t help that I’m not sure I can trust my own judgment anymore. I mean, I never saw it coming.”
Jill made an exasperated noise. “How could you? Good grief, Tessa has been the most important person in your life for twenty years. Not to mention, you’re so fiercely loyal you could teach seeing eye dogs a thing or two about unswerving support and trust. That’s not a bad thing.”
I glowered. “Don’t know if I agree with you. Being loyal seems to have a habit of biting me in the ass. First Rhyzkahl, now Tessa.”
“Oh, please. Being loyal is why you have so many people ready to ride into battle with you.” She squeezed me again. “Look, Tessa may never tell you why she betrayed you. But you’re Kara Fucking Gillian. You’re tenacious and stubborn, and you won’t be satisfied until you dig up the truth. It’s what made you such a good cop.”
I sniffled and hugged her back. “If I’m so awesome and loyal, I think I deserve chocolate donuts.”
