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"She wanted to go to some fund-raiser in Wainscott. I didn't have it in me to hit another party."
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"She's very ... um, cute," Mara offered.
Ryan shrugged. "She's nice," he said, almost defensively. "Have you guys been seeing each other for a while?"
"Not really," Ryan said. "What about you and Jim? How long
have you guys been dating?"
"Since freshman year, officially. Unofficially, probably since third grade," Mara said, as if this conversation wasn't unbelievably awkward.
"Mmm," he said. "It's Camille's birthday next week. What do you think I should get her? Is jewelry too much? It's always so hard to figure out what girls want."
"Mmm," she said. Mara didn't want to hear any more of Ryan's plans for his girlfriend's birthday. "It's so gorgeous out here," she said, changing the subject. "You don't know how lucky you are."
"Actually, I do," Ryan said.
"I'm sorry--I didn't mean it that way."
"No, no, it's fine." He smiled a little.
"It must be nice--being rich, I mean," Mara said, a little shocked at her candor.
"My dad's rich. It's his money, not mine," Ryan said. "I don't confuse the two. But I don't fool myself about it either."
Mara wasn't sure exactly what he meant by that, but by now they'd covered two of the most awkward conversations they
could--significant others and money--and Mara was trying not to push her luck. She was also trying really hard not to let the
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hurt she felt about Camille and her New Jersey comment show through. Combined with Eliza's take on Jeremy's "status," Mara was feeling more out of place than she had in a while.
"What do you want to do with your life?" Mara asked. "Surf the Big Ten in Hawaii?" Oops, that didn't sound so nice, Mara realized.
"Nah--that's just a hobby." He paused. "I have an uncle in Paris. I think a lot about moving there and helping him with his business."
"That sounds nice. What's he do?"
"He owns a gallery. My mom's brother. Not Anna's. My real mom."
"Where is she?"
Ryan looked sad for a moment. "Honestly, I don't know. She said she was going to check out some ashram in Tibet. Or maybe she's in South Africa, getting a face-lift on safari. I never know. The kids miss her. She was a lot of fun when she wasn't crazy."
"Why? What did she do?"
"Oh, one night she came home and she'd spent basically their entire bank account on a car and a couple of furs and she drove up Fifth Avenue wearing nothing but her underwear in the snow. The doctors said she was manic-depressive. I could have told anyone that. She would bake chocolate cakes and throw an impromptu birthday party and have us all wearing fun little paper hats and the next moment she'd be sobbing in the corner, threatening to slit her wrists."
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"That's terrible. I'm so sorry."
Ryan sighed. "It's good to talk about it sometimes. Dad just pretends nothing ever happened and Anna's been in the family forever. What's your family like?"
"We're so boring." Mara shrugged, feeling bad for being so testy earlier.
