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It was something to build on, something no other man could ever take from him. All he had to do was convince her that his scars had healed, that he could trust her, could be there for her always if she still wanted him to be. All she had to do was say yes.
Becoming aware that the taxi was at a standstill, Jake lifted his head and almost drowned in the shine of her luminous, bewitching eyes.
‘Where are we?’ she murmured dizzily, hating the necessary withdrawal. In his arms there were no doubts, no fears. Together, close, they were one being, elemental.
‘My hotel.’ He helped her out. His voice was ragged. The doorman hurried down, holding a huge striped umbrella over them both. Bella felt certainty, the joy of coming home, swell up in her heart, spilling over in a smile that would not go away, and was still there, hovering on her mouth, when they reached his suite.
But his eyes were serious, his mouth tight. ‘Get out of those wet things. Shower. I’ll ring room service and get into dry clothes. After that, I’ve something to say to you.’
She shook her head and felt her hair finally tumble down, cloaking her shoulders. She pushed it back from her face impatiently. She wanted to get the talking over now. Stop him hurting. Tell him what she should have told him over a year ago.
If he didn’t trust her as far as he could throw her, did it really matter? What right had she to expect him to be perfect? And would she have trusted him, in a similar situation?
A year ago she’d been rigid with pride. Now she had none where he was concerned. She stretched out her hands to him. ‘Say it now. Please.’
‘Later.’ He ignored the offer to take her hands in his. His face could have been carved from stone. ‘You’re wet and cold. Do as I asked.’ He tipped his head. ‘The bathroom’s through there.’
Dictatorial devil! she thought, but did as she was told because it seemed the quickest way to hear what he wanted to say to her. That he had decided to end the marriage, whatever the cost, seemed a distinct possibility. And yet the way he had claimed her, f
rogmarched her away from Guy and the party, the way he’d kissed her, his earthy moans of triumph when she had kissed him back...
Quivering with the tension of not knowing, she stripped off her sodden clothes and left them in a heap on the marble tiled floor. She felt as if she’d been wired up to an electric charge and any moment now would explode in a million fizzing sparks.
Her time under the shower was the absolute minimum, and she wrapped herself in the towelling robe supplied by the hotel management All that done in record time, she suddenly quailed at the thought of going out there and hearing what he had to say.
She felt like a prisoner in the dock, waiting for the jury’s verdict!
Grabbing a towel, roughly drying her hair, she felt armoured enough to face him. An attitude of casual insouciance would surely help her cope, hide the state of her nerves.
But the room was empty. And there was nothing in the room to offer her any comfort. Luxurious, but impersonal. No sign of his occupation. She wondered how long he’d been staying here. Did he base himself here when he was working from London? She knew he’d off-loaded the Docklands apartment.
Didn’t he ever feel the need for a home? A real, lived-in family home, where he could relax, let the rest of the world go hang, secure in his own personalised space?
Or didn’t his surroundings matter to him? Was the acquisition of wealth and power the only truly important thing in his life?
And did surroundings matter to her? The answer, she knew, was yes. But he mattered more. She would live in a shoe-box with him, if he’d let her.
Room service had already delivered a tray of coffee. She wondered whether to pour herself a cup, but was afraid she wouldn’t manage it. Her hands were shaking too much.
She let the towel slide from her edgy fingers, and stuffed her hands into the deep pockets of the robe. He walked through from what she presumed was the bedroom, and her heart stood still.
She loved him so much it was a physical pain. He’d changed into a pair of scuffed dark denims, and a black, soft cashmere sweater. He looked sexy as hell, but remote, grimly determined.
Her eyes met the dark enigma of his. She tried to read what was on his mind, but only when he spoke to her did she know. And when she did her heart twisted over and seemed to die, because surely this had to be the end.
‘In spite of what I’d heard—that before we met you were more in Maclaine’s bed than out of it—and in spite of what I’d actually seen, I tried to believe you spoke the truth when you told me you’d never had an affair with him,’ Jake said bluntly, releasing her gaze as he walked over to the tray and poured from the elegant coffee-pot. ‘I even managed it for a time. To believe you, that is.’
He passed her a cup, one brow lifting as she took it, the cup rattling on the saucer in her jittery hands.
Bella put it quickly down on a glass-topped table, and put herself on the cream hide-covered sofa. It was a case of sitting down before she fell down. Her legs had turned to water.
‘But when I saw the two of you together tonight, I had to accept you could have lied. No—’ he shook his head impatiently as she would have spoken in self-defence ‘—don’t say a word. Hear me out.’
He was pacing the floor now, endlessly, the muscles of his body taut. ‘And in that moment the whole world went black. But only for a moment. Trust came like a lightning bolt. I’d carried possessiveness too far, made too many false assumptions. Not waiting for answers, not believing them when they were given—as they were given when you told me you had nothing to do with the set-up in that mountain cottage. I knew I could trust you with my life.’
The pacing stopped. He faced her. There was a self-denigrating twist to his mouth she had never seen before. It astounded her.
‘Can you ever forgive me for that lack?’ he asked rawly. ‘I failed you in every way that was important to you. I want us to start again. If you agree, things will be different, I promise.’ He spread his hands, palms upwards, as if he held his life in them, offering all that he was to her.
