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He gave her a wry, sideways smile. ‘By then she’d stopped waiting for the fair and the man who’d fathered me to return to the area. So she cut her losses and took off and supported me by taking what work she could. We had a settled period in Manchester— I guess it would be around eight years. Then we moved down south and ended up here.
‘She had a tough life but she never let it get her down.’
It must have been hard for both of them, Caroline conceded silently. Ben’s father had seduced a young girl and had moved away, never giving her another thought. Like father like son? But then, his father hadn’t known he’d sired a child.
Ben had. And still he’d walked away.
She shifted uncomfortably on the window-seat. She felt utterly drained and very slightly nauseous. What a fool she’d been to imagine that they could share just one perfect day.
Ben’s fingers tightened around hers as he sprang lithely to his feet, his smile radiant with enthusiasm as he invited, ‘Come and see the rest—I originally had it restored and enlarged for Ma but she tells me she’s settled up north with Jane. If you like it, I could give up my suite at the house—there’d be room for more children if I did—and we could use the cottage when I visit. Or—’ his smile deepened to a grin ‘—if you prefer motherhood and country living over a career in the city, we could make this our permanent home and keep my London apartment on for when we fancy a dose of the bright lights. It’s entirely up to you, sweetheart.’
Caroline caught her breath. In this light, completely relaxed mood he was damned near irresistible. She shuddered as a cold wash of misery swamped her. He was obviously taking her acceptance of his proposal for granted after the way she’d turned to him in the night.
It was tempting, more tempting than she wanted to admit, but how could she trust him? She’d trusted him before and look where that had got her. She’d be a fool to fall into the same trap twice,
‘Sweetheart?’ The question in his voice, the way he probed her eyes as if he were looking deep inside her soul, unglued her tongue.
She stepped away from him, folding her arms around her body and told him sombrely, ‘We can’t divorce the past from the present, pretend it never happened. You can’t, either. The very fact that you brought me here when you’d said we wouldn’t give it, or the future, headroom today, proves it.’
‘I know what I said.’ His tone was serious now, his eyes narrowing as he moved closer again and stroked with the tip of one finger the tiny frown line that had appeared between her eyes. ‘I was wrong. We can’t forget the way we were, what we had, any more than we can ignore the future.’ His hand dropped as he traced the delicate line from the arc of her slanting cheekbone to the angle of her jaw. ‘And as for today, right here and now, we’re the bridge that connects the two.’
She pulled in a sharp breath, her eyes holding his. They had no future. ‘I have thought it over—’ Her voice failed but under the pressure of his still narrow-eyed scrutiny she found it again. ‘Your proposal, that is. Ben, I can’t marry you.’
CHAPTER NINE
FOR long seconds Ben simply looked at her, his features stony. Then he asked rawly, ‘So what was last night all about?’ His mouth thinned. ‘And let’s not forget this morning. Just sex was it? Not used to going without and I was handy?’
‘No!’ Caroline’s sharp denial was filled with pain. She couldn’t let him think that of her, but she couldn’t confess she still loved him. If she did that then the pressure he would put on her to take their relationship into the future, make it as permanent as he wanted it to be, would be intolerable.
It was time for the truth, to be as honest as she could be without revealing the depth of her feelings for him. She gave an involuntary shudder but her lush mouth was firm as she told him. ‘When we’re together it’s as if nothing else matters, as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist. It was always like that for me, I admit that freely. And if I could keep it like that, then believe me I would.’
She turned her back on him because she simply couldn’t bear to see the eyes that had revealed so many things about him—humour, caring, passion—turning to slits of cold, hard jet.
And there would be worse, she knew that, when she’d explained her position. No man who had created a fortune, his company an international byword, his name highly respected in both business and social spheres, w
ould like to be reminded of his cheating past.
Her eyes on the tangled garden, her heart gave a pain-filled judder. With a lot of hard work and a great deal of pleasure it could be turned into a place of riotous beauty. But of course she would not be the one to make the transformation.
She flicked her tongue over dry-as-dust lips and tried to ease the tension from her shoulders. But it wouldn’t go and she forced out thickly, ‘After the way you betrayed us all I could never really trust you. I might want and—’ she bit off the words, love you, and substituted, ‘—find you attractive, but I wouldn’t trust you not to do the same again.’
‘Ah. So we’re back to that word betrayal again.’
She heard him move closer, his feet making very little sound on the wide oak boards. She wondered if he’d touch her, but he didn’t.
‘You were about to tell me what you meant last night, but events overtook us, as I remember.’ There was a firm edge of determination in his voice. ‘So spit it out now, Caro.’
‘Look I know it was a long time ago,’ she said tiredly. ‘You were young, unprincipled and wild. You might be twelve years older now, successful, extremely wealthy and respected, but people don’t change, not basically.’
‘Cut to the chase,’ Ben instructed, his voice a warning, and she dragged in a breath, wondering why she had to be so stubborn, why she had to be so darned particular. Couldn’t she have at least tried to wipe the slate clean, take as much happiness as she could for as long as it lasted?
But trust was important. Too important to be brushed aside as if it didn’t matter.
She swallowed to ease the tightness in her throat and stiffened her already tense shoulders. Start with the easy one, the sin he’d already put his hand up for, she told herself.
‘My father paid you to go away and stay away. That was bad enough, showed how much I really meant to you. But you went back on the deal, on your own admission. You came panting back to ask me if I was going to marry Jeremy Curtis. I guess your ego couldn’t stand the thought that I might have used you the way you’d used me. You went back on that mercenary deal you made with my father. That shows a complete lack of moral integrity.’
A few beats of silence followed, fraught with menace. Caroline felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. She turned swiftly, facing him, just as he snapped out, ‘Your father offered me money but I didn’t take it. I told him what he could do with it. I didn’t renege on any bargain because none was made. If he told you differently, he lied, just as, apparently, he lied when he informed me you were only a couple of months away from announcing your engagement.’
