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I hadn’t spoken to Reid in two weeks. After our conversation in the coffee shop, I just didn’t know how to talk to him, what to say to make things better.
So I sent him a voice message, explaining everything the best I could.
“Reid, I’m sorry about Houston. I understand why you’re mad, but please, don’t think you don’t matter. You do. A lot. I love you. You know I do, and it wasn’t my intention to make you feel unimportant. I just honestly didn’t see another way out.”
I loved this man. But I was pissed at him. He hadn’t answered my message. That could just mean one thing. He was giving up. My damn heart just refused to heal. The cracks still felt wide open. When I stepped inside my tiny apartment, I almost felt like crying.
“No, you will absolutely not cry again. You’re healthy. Your family loves you. The media outlets in LA are already forgetting about you. You’ll go back to your old life soon enough.” Old life minus Reid. And just like that, the cracks widened.
But I refused to wallow any longer. There had to be a way to move on, right? But even the thought drained me of energy.
No, I might not want to wallow any longer, but I wasn’t ready to move on either.
I went straight to the bedroom, changing into unflattering yoga pants and a large T-shirt, then slid into bed, intending to watch something on Netflix to take my mind off everything.
Grrr... why did every show in the “recommended for you” section make me think about Reid? I didn’t need any more reminders.
I was just about to play some Christmas movie, just because, when Val called.
I chuckled. My sisters called every evening. Jace called me at least once a day, using one excuse or the other. I was ready to bet they’d made a schedule to check up on me. I’d call them out on it if I didn’t enjoy it so much. I absolutely needed all the love I could get. All the love. I could use some hugs too, but one didn’t always get what they wanted, right?
“Hello, sis,” I greeted, pushing the laptop to one side.
“Am I interrupting anything?”
“Just a night of Netflix. Business as usual.”
“Uhhh... want me to watch it with you? We can break down every detail over the phone.”
I snickered. Val and I had a habit of dissecting movies.
“It’s no fun if we don’t do it in person.”
I really needed one of Val’s hugs. My sister gave the best hugs. And I’d only see her in another two weeks.
“Hmmm... we could always video chat?”
“Don’t you have a husband to entertain you? Why are you worrying about my sorry ass every evening?”
“Hey.”
“You thought I wouldn’t be able to tell?”
“I was hoping.”
“Val, I’m a big girl. I don’t want you to worry about me.”
Could I take all the doting and fussing but not the worrying?
“I’m your older sister. That’s my job.”
“Put Carter on the phone.” I used a stern, take-no-prisoners tone.
“Yikes, okay, got it. You’re playing the tough card. I pinky swear that I’m not worrying.”
“Uh-huh. You really expect me to believe that?”
“Well, no, but promise you won’t tell Carter anything. He’s already stressing about the pregnancy more than I am.”
