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“Yeah, probably,” I said. “He doesn’t strike me as that kind of a man. He has a bit of the old school in him.”
“Well, he is old, isn’t he?”
“Shut up. He is only thirty-four,” I replied. “That’s not bad at all.”
“He is nine years older than you. I think that is significant.”
“I don’t see it that way. Besides, I like that he is older. He is more mature, more distinguished.”
Tessa’s eyes lit up. “I’m glad to see that you’ve seen the light. Too many women are chasing these young guys nowadays. Those guys are immature and reckless. Nah, a man with a little bit of age on him is sexy.”
“I have to say I agree with you,” I said. I hadn’t noticed it before, but I had been more attracted lately to older men. There was something different about the way they carried themselves. They had a distinguished confidence that younger men just didn’t have. There was a feeling of strength and self-assuredness there that was really difficult to shy away from and not be attracted to.
“So, we aren’t going to find anything here on social media,” Tessa admitted. “Let’s pull up the search engine and look for his name. If nothing comes up then we can just try to reverse lookup some of his photos.”
I glanced at her. “Have you done this before? Are you some kind of online stalker?”
“I may have done it a time or two, but that is none of your business. I learned a lot about this from that college class I took that one semester. It was about cybercrime. It has proven to be very valuable and I urge everyone to take a class like that.”
I laughed at her endorsement. Tessa was someone who would always surprise me. I doubted that I would ever know everything about her. She was just too good at keeping things to herself, meanwhile she would pull information out of those around her easily enough.
“Oh, wow,” Tessa said.
“What?” I asked.
“Did you know about his wife? How she died?”
“Yeah, he mentioned it briefly. But he doesn’t like to talk about it. I can tell it causes him pain.”
“Yeah, she had cancer,” Tessa said. “That’s very said. It was only a few years ago. No wonder he is still hurting.”
“Yeah, that’s another reason I’m so reluctant to even hint at starting anything with him. What if he starts getting pain from these old wounds and then that complicates things and he decides it’s best if we don’t see each other at all anymore?”
“That’s a risk you might have to take. Look, I’m not saying that this is going to be easy or without its problems, but you have to decide what is more important to you. Is it more important to let something slide by you that might be amazing? Or is it more important for you to go for it and see what happens? It might not work out. You know this. But it might work out wonderfully. You just have to trust your heart and your instincts.”
I sighed.
“I know. There is just so much pain beneath the surface with him. And Zoe is involved. I just don’t think it’s meant to be. There is too much there that is trying to heal. I don’t want to interrupt that.”
“What if you are the thing he needs to heal?” Tessa asked me.
“I don’t see it,” I said. “This all sounds great on the surface, but that is a huge burden to place on myself. I don’t know if I’m able to shoulder that level of responsibility.”
“But what do you feel about Ricky? I know you. I can tell that you’ve been having some serious thoughts about him. I can even see it in your art that you’ve been working on. I observe everything around me. That’s kind of my superpower and you know that I’m always right.”
I laughed. She was always right. Somehow Tessa knew what everyone was thinking and feeling before they even did half the time. It was a pretty miraculou
s superpower to have. It was one I really envied.
“I don’t know how I feel. I mean, I’m more attracted to him than I’ve been to anyone for a long time, possibly ever. I don’t know what to do with that. I hardly know the real him and he is so guarded, I’m not sure I’ll ever really know him. Even if we end up together, he is the type of guy that has so many layers around himself that it could take years to get through all that, if ever.”
“The most complicated men are often the best ones,” Tessa said. “I’ve dated my share of them. Those relationships are always the most beautiful. I long for those.”
“Really? Don’t they cause you pain?”
“Yes. But the pain is a small part of it and it is tied up with loads of other strong emotions. Those things are hardly ever solitary. Emotions tend to run in packs.”
I took a big gulp of my beer. “I don’t know. I just don’t think I can risk it. That’s the thing that is holding me back the most. I don’t know what to expect.”
