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“I just can’t stop thinking about that last conversation and the things she said to me. Some of them felt attacking.”
Becky nodded. “Well, she might have been deflecting. Maybe she was accusing you of that which she thought you were afraid of doing. Again, I’m not her. I can’t see into her mind, but I was once a twenty-five year old woman. I didn’t know for sure if I wanted to spend my life with Ben. I thought I did, and I was pretty sure I did. But I couldn’t be sure. And if Julie has not had that much experience being in such a serious relationship, she might be feeling a bit boxed in. She is rebelling a bit and stretching her legs. She is trying to find solid ground as herself again.”
What Becky was saying made a lot of sense. I tried to put myself in Julie’s place and see where she was coming from. But I kept falling short. Even Becky didn’t seem to have all the answers, but she definitely helped me out. I was glad that I went to see her.
“So, what should I do?” I asked.
“You shouldn’t do anything. You can’t chase this out of her and you can’t get flustered or emotional about this. She needs you to be there for her, so you have to stay that strong guy that she fell in love with. Just give up trying to control the outcome. That is the best advice I can give you in life. There are so many things that have unpredictable endings. Relationships are often in that category.”
I nodded. “Ok. I understand. Thanks, Becky.”
I left Becky’s and went to pick up Zoe. Along the way, I thought a lot about what Becky had said. It was going to be difficult, but I knew that I needed to give Julie space right now. She had to find herself. I just needed to let her know that I was not going anywhere. I was still here if she wanted me.
But what if she didn’t want me? Was I prepared for that? What if Julie was changing her mind about wanting this in her life right now? That was definitely a strong possibility. I had to be willing to let her go. I had to be willing to not hold on too tightly. Her father had done that out of fear and I was making the same mistake with her. I was afraid of losing her, so I was smothering her back to me. That was the wrong approach.
I knew exactly how I had to handle things. I just had to have the guts to do it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Julie
I left my last class of the day feeling drained. My professor had tried her hardest to rip apart my painting, the one I’d worked a solid week on, but I wouldn’t let her. She kept throwing things at me and I kept deflecting the criticism with sound rebuttals. The other students were staring at me in wonder while Professor Chambers’ ears literally had smoke coming out of them. That bitch was so mad by the time I was finished that she could hardly look at me. I figured it would cost me a decent grade in the class, but I was done with this place. I was so close to chucking it all in and just going home.
I was heading back to the dorm when I checked my phone and noticed I had a missed voicemail from Becky. She wanted me to call her. She said it was urgent. I quickly dialed her number. “Becky?” I asked when she answered.
“Hey, girl. What have you been up to? You can’t call nobody?”
I laughed. Becky was the craziest and most fun person I knew. I missed our talks. We’d become such good friends the past year or so. I really missed her.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve been crazy busy here.”
“Ah, yes. I know. You are living the life of a serious art student.”
I laughed. “I’m not so sure about that. Honestly, I was just thinking about how this all might have been a huge mistake.”
“Really? Why do you say that?”
“I’m not learning anything. The professors are all self-absorbed critics who just seem hell bent on destroying our spirits. They haven’t guided us towards anything as they promised they would.”
“That sounds pretty terrible.”
“Yeah, and I’m homesick. I miss Ricky terribly. This long distance thing has been very hard on us, but I think it’s been harder on me.”
“Really?” Becky asked. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Ricky talked to me. He told me about the way things are going with the two of you and how he wished that you were still home, but he also wished you all the best. The truth is, he isn’t doing that well.”
“What? Is he ok?”
“There was an accident today. There was a fire and he made a mistake that could have ended badly for him. He is ok, though. He is fine. But I know that his head is filled with so much pain since you left that he just hasn’t been the same. So, you aren’t the only one feeling this. It’s tough. Long distance relationships are always tough. But I’m sure you will both come out the other side even stronger than you were before. I have no doubt about that.”
I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Ricky… he’d almost been killed. I knew that Becky was downplaying it for my benefit. I wiped my eyes and felt my entire heart breaking into pieces. I needed to be with him. I had to go to him. This was the final straw. I knew I had to get out of there.
“I’m coming home,” I said.
“What? No, don’t do anything rash,” Becky said. “Me and my big mouth. I shouldn’t have mentioned that to you. Dammit.”
