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I finally felt the last remnants of the shockwaves of bliss echoing through me and my body slumped down on top of his. I was done. I was finished.
And I had never felt more alive or more loved before. Whatever would happen in our lives, I was sure that nothing really mattered as long as we were together. We were in love. It was real. That’s how real love behaved. That’s how it worked. We were both living proof of this.
As I drifted off to sleep beside him, I knew that no matter what, I would never leave Gary’s side and I knew that he would never leave mine. That was the most comforting thought I could have imagined.
Chapter Fifteen
Gary
I was awakened from a dead sleep by a bloodcurdling scream.
My first instinct was to sit straight up and step out of the bed. I did so in a half sleep induced stupor causing my body to fall to the floor. I landed hard and this helped to jar me awake into a somewhat conducive state of consciousness. At least I was able to see what was happening here.
Shelly was screaming at the top of her lungs. “NO! NO! Wait!”
I scrambled back into the bed and wrapped my arms around her. “Shelly! Hey! Wake up! Honey, you are having a nightmare!”
I shook her firmly and stroked her face trying to get her to come around. She was deeply entranced in this dream and at first I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to fix this situation. But then there she was coming around and looking at me with eyes that were becoming totally aware. She was coming back to reality of where she was and what was happening to her.
“Baby, you’re ok,” I said.
Shelly was gasping for air, her breathing labored, and I could see that she was drenched with sweat. Her whole body was heaving as if she was about to dive farther into some kind of a total fit or break with reality.
I grabbed the bottle of water by the bed and handed it to her. “Drink, baby,” I said twisting off the cap. She gulped down several drinks of the water, almost downing the bottle. Then she began to slow her breathing and come back into reality a bit. I could see the clarity in her eyes, the slowing of her emotions in her face. Then the tears started falling hard. I hated seeing the amount of pain inside this beautiful woman starting to emerge at that moment. She was breaking down bawling in front of me, burying her face in her hands.
I placed a hand on her shoulder and tried to console her, but I didn’t try to stop the tears. I allowed her to feel the pain, to let it out. She needed this. I was going to let her deal with her grief. Too many people tried to console people by not allowing them to go through the pain and the grief process. That did nothing but pent up everything until it eventually exploded in volatile ways.
After she started to calm down, I tried to speak with her. “Babe, are you alright?”
“Yes,” Shelly replied. Her voice sounded so meek and small.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked softly.
“I… I’m sorry,” Shelly said.
“What are you sorry for?”
“I don’t want to burden you with my problems. I hoped you wouldn’t find out about this.”
I brushed a few strands of hair off her face. “Baby, you could never burden me. I love you. There is nothing that you could do that I would ever find a bother. What did you hope I wouldn’t find out? You can talk to me about anything that you want to.”
Shelly took another drink of the water, finishing the bottle. She tossed it to the wastebasket beside the bed. Then she looked over at me. The tears in her eyes were starting to subside, but those beautiful eyes were still a little bit red and bloodshot. She was so strong. I could tell that whatever was going on with her was so painful, but she was coming through it.
Shelly started to speak. “I lost someone in a fire while back. His name was Edward. He and I were in love. I thought we would get married. We were both firefighters in Detroit.”
“Ok,” I said. This was hard for her. I could tell she was struggling, so I didn’t want to say too much to get her emotions running too high again.
“During the fire, I saw him getting trapped. I knew he was in trouble. But we had victims who needed help. The policy was that we put the victims ahead of ourselves. That was that company’s main motto. I ignored this and went to save Ed. But I was too late. A large beam fell on top of him right in front of me. I was about five feet from where I could help him. I was so devastated that I almost froze. I could barely move. I could hardly get myself to safety. Another firefighter found me then and helped get me to safety. We couldn’t get to the victims in time. They all perished. It was my fault.”
Shelly began to cry again. I reached out my hand and rested it on her leg. “Baby, how do you know that it was your fault? How do you know you could have saved those victims in time?”
“I don’t,” Shelly replied. “But I was blamed for it. They said I violated company policy and that we lost the victims because of it. I was fired. That is why my resume is falsified.”
I nodded. “It’s understandable,” I said. “It wasn’t your fault. You were placed with an impossible decision to make. I think you did the right thing. You followed your heart. Sometimes, you have to do that and do what you feel is right, consequences be damned. That’s why you and I are together. We finally decided that we cared more about each other than our careers, right?”
She nodded. “Yes,” she replied. “I love you so much.”
I kissed her softly on the lips and brushed her hair back again as she hugged into me. She was trembling slightly.
