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“I know, right?” Lance said. “I couldn’t believe it either the first time I stepped foot on this field. I could feel the energy and the dreams all coming together. I wanted it so badly I could taste it. I suppose all kids do, and when they get a little taste of something like that, it ignites a fire you until you realize that this is where you were meant to be. Unfortunately, I was never quite good enough to make the pro team. I tried out though, once. I had a bunch of scouts interested in me in high school. It just never quite worked out.”
I snapped back to reality, listening to everything that Lance was saying. He was right. He was absolutely right. I could feel it all, those dreams of the past rushing back to me, flooding my mind as if they’d never left. It was not too late to change direction and totally change my course in life. I could do it. I would do it.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “That’s rough to give up on a dream like that.”
“It is, but I’ve got a passion that I get to do every single day, so in that respect I’m pretty damn lucky.”
“Sure.”
I walked down the first baseline and stood where the base would normally be. It felt good to be there, even if it was just a peg sticking out of the ground. They always took the bases in when they weren’t using them.
It made me feel tall and proud to be standing there where all the greats had played so many times before. I wished my father could see me there right then. He would have been so proud. He loved the game and he loved the Reds so much.
“So,” Lance asked me. “Why did you stop playing?”
“I never played baseball,” I reminded him.
He smiled. “You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I stopped playing softball when my parents died. They were killed in a car accident. After that, I had bills, no money, and I had to drop out of school. I just didn’t have the opportunity to play anymore. Then, time went on and the dream just slipped away from me. That’s how it goes sometimes. Things hardly ever workout the way we think they will.”
“That’s true,” he said. “I’m really sorry to hear that happened to you.”
“Thanks,” I replied. We stood there in silence for a few minutes. I jogged down to second base and then to third. Finally, I ran home and crossed the plate. That feeling, that sound of my foot hitting that plate was amazing. It felt like something had just clicked inside of me.
“So, you ever think about going back to the game. You are still very young. There’s time.”
“Maybe,” I said. “It might be something to seriously consider. I was just thinking how wrong I was to let this thing destroy everything for me. But after the accident, I felt like I had died with them. I really felt numb and I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything for the longest time. After a while, that became a habit.”
“That’s rough,” Lance said as he moved closer to me. I could smell the hint of his cologne. He smelled warm, inviting, and overtly masculine. I loved his scent. I could easily detect what was him and what was the cologne. He was even more delicious smelling. I knew I was in a compromising position. In fact, the only thing that was probably stopping me from kissing Lance hardcore right then was the fact that someone else was around who turned on those stadium lights. We would probably be seen, and I wasn’t so sure I could stop myself at just a kiss or two. I was feeling so hot and bothered right then that I wasn’t sure I could handle being alone with him. It had been so long since I’d wanted a man half this badly.
“I don’t like sympathy, but thanks,” I said softly. Lance was checking out my lips, then back to my eyes, his gaze drifting down to my mouth. I loved it when his eyes looked at me. It was like he held me in a gaze and cradled me close to him. I could feel a way out of the pain I often felt, but then I would feel myself throwing up the signs of resistance. I didn’t want to go this way. I didn’t want to allow myself to be led astray into the world of a man, but this just wasn’t any man. He was something else, something special.
But I had no way of knowing just how much he might actually want me. It was true that he kept initiating, but he was just that type of guy. He saw something he wanted, and he went after it. I admired that in a man. But I didn’t want to be caught up. That was something he would have to learn, and I wasn’t sure he would deal with that when he realized that it might all be futile for him. I felt so mixed up. I hated feeling that way, which was why I’d been so resistant to even engaging with this man, or any man for so long. I had too many other things to concern myself with at the moment.
And now I had something else, something powerful. Dammit, I felt so helpless to resist him. I knew that eventually if we spent enough time together that he would wear me down. I was sure it would happen and a part of me was ok with that. Maybe it would be a great thing in my life. Perhaps right here and now was the time for this to happen after all. I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t be sure about what would happen.
Unless I pulled back and put a stop to things, before they went farther. Maybe, I could say “Thanks, but no thanks.” I could step back and just retreat back into my life. And that’s what I’d be doing. I’d be retreating hard, back into the world that I had created for myself where I didn’t have to put my heart out there for anyone. I was alone and I would gladly stay that way. If you didn’t give your heart to anyone then you would never risk breaking it.
“Want to go back to my place? I hear a bottle of wine calling my name,” Lance said with that sexy smile of his.
There it was. That was an offer I wasn’t sure I could pass up. The truth was, I wanted nothing more in that moment then to follow him back home and let the evening take us where i
t may. That sounded like paradise to me, but I could not let myself give in. Besides, I didn’t really know the man. I liked what I saw so far, and I wanted him sexually so badly, but I wasn’t sure if he would sleep with me and then never talk to me again since his mission was accomplished, or if this would be the start of a relationship. Neither one of those scenarios sounded good to me. I just couldn’t allow myself to do that.
“I think I’m going to take a rain check,” I said. “I do have to get to work early in the morning and I need a really good night’s sleep.”
“Sure,” Lance said. He pulled out his phone. “How about this time I get your number?”
I laughed. “Fine.” I gave him my number and he typed it into his phone.
“Ok, let’s do a check,” Lance said.
I gasped. “What? Do you think I would fake number you?”
“You never know,” he said.
He made the call and my phone started ringing. I picked it up with a sarcastic smile. “Hello?” I answered.
