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She laughed. “That’s true,” she replied. “Except for the best boyfriend part. Keegan and I broke up.”
“What? Are you crazy? Why did you break up with him? Wait… there is no way he broke up with you,” I said. I was flabbergasted. Why did she keep this from me this long and why was she so ok with it?
“Yeah. I just realized that we want very different things in life. He is a manager of a very small electronics store. He is content to do that forever. Like, he is not at all trying to better himself. And it’s not like I’m after some guy with a fat, cushy job making six figures. I am my own woman; I make my own money.”
“Right,” I agreed. Kayley was one of the most independent, strong women I knew. She kept telling me I was too, but I sure as hell didn’t feel that way a good portion of the time.
“It’s just the fact that he doesn’t want more out of life,” she said. “He has no passion, goals, no desire for something else. I need someone with direction in life, you know? I constantly want to climb.”
“I agree,” I said. “You should be with someone that you share that with.”
“So, are you coming or not? It won’t be half as much fun without you.”
I smiled. “I doubt that. The way I feel, I’ll probably bring everyone else down.”
“We will deal with it.”
I groaned and went to my room to get dressed.
* * *
The music was pumping loud, flooding my eardrums with a relentless pulsating beat. It felt like a warming sensation that rolled through my ears into my brain somehow making my whole body feel ultra-relaxed. I closed my eyes and imagined that the music was carrying me away. In a way it was. I was being transported to somewhere else in place and time, somewhere that I felt strong and capable. A place where I was able to tell the world that I knew to get bent. I could tell Jenna off so fast her ugly, little head would swivel. But that was not the reality of the situation.
“Isn’t this fun?” Kayley asked me. She was sitting beside me bobbing to the music with her widest smile spread across her face. She was crazy. I loved her anyway, but she was certifiably insane. I wished I had half the guts she did. If she was in my position, she would have dropped the job I had like a bad habit and left to do her own thing.
I just wasn’t sure I would ever be able to do that. Of course, it was easier for Kayley since her parents were well off. Her father was a dentist and her mother, a realtor. She never took a dime off them for any reason, but it was there if she ever really found herself in trouble. If you ever found yourself facing a hard landing. I’d had that once.
“Yeah, I’m having a blast,” I said sarcastically.
“You need to snap out of it and at least try to have some fun,” she said.
“No, I told you I wasn’t going to be any fun tonight. I don’t want to be here.”
Janice put her arm around my shoulder. “This is a place of excitement. You need to let that bad juju go. I mean, look around at all these sexy guys just yours for the taking.”
I laughed. “I’m not paying much attention. A relationship is the last thing on my mind right now.”
“Who said anything about a relationship. Just flirt, talk, and have some fun,” Susie winked.
I had to admit being out with my girls was still better than being at home sulking all by myself. But tomorrow, I would be tired from being out too late, and I would have to suffer through another day. I had to start looking for something better, like really looking. If I was being honest with myself, I was stuck where I was because I’d allowed things to get me down and keep me in the same place.
I made a pact that tomorrow I was going to start hunting for something better. I had to climb myself out of thi
s hole I was in. I’d made progress, I’d found a place I was comfortable in and become complacent. That wasn’t like me.
“Oh my God, look over there,” Kayley said. She nudged my arm.
I followed her gaze to see what she was staring at on the other side of the club. There was a guy standing there, tall, with wavy blonde hair. He was beyond attractive and staring at me.
I was flattered for a moment, especially when he smiled at me, but then I turned away. “What? You expect me to do something with that?” I asked.
She shook her head. “You are so hopeless. That is like the third super hot guy who has checked you out since we’ve been here. I mean, you say you don’t want to meet anyone, but then you wear a sexy dress like that. What do you think is going to happen? Guys are going to look, you’re hot.”
I shrugged. I knew she had a point, but when I was out and about, why wouldn’t I dress to kill? It’s always fun to get dressed up to go out, but after I broke up with Devon, I’d sworn off men. They were just more trouble than they were worth. Devon had developed something of an internet porn addiction. At first, I didn’t notice anything wrong with it, a lot of people watch porn. He started to pull away from me, I would catch him on his computer often. I would get out of the shower, he was glued to the screen, didn’t even notice me walking in the room. I would wake up in the middle of the night, same thing. Our sex life began to falter, and when he did want to touch me, it was as if his mind was somewhere else, or he was trying to recreate the porn but not with me.
I decided to end things and he didn’t even seem that upset, even though we’d been together for eight months. I thought things were getting pretty serious. Apparently, I was wrong. So, that was it for me. I needed some space from men.
“That’s their problem,” I said. “By the way, I notice that none of these guys who are looking have approached us. They must not be too interested.”
