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“It’s not about Alex, if you’re worried about that,” Rebecca said. “I don’t want to freak you out or anything.” She sighed. “I’m gonna get a glass of wine, you want anything?”
“Beer, please,” I said.
Rebecca walked into the kitchen and came back with a glass of white wine and a beer. She handed it to me and we drank in silence for a moment. Then she cleared her throat.
“I realize I’ve been acting really rudely, I just think a lot of weird feelings are coming to the surface that I didn’t really used to have,” Rebecca said quietly. “I maybe pushed them aside for a really long time because I was always worried about something else.”
"I get that," I said slowly. “I’ve been sort of feeling the same way. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve had a crush on Alex for a really long time. I’m sorry I never told you. I just…well, I know how much you hate him and I didn’t want it to make you hate me, too.”
Rebecca stared at me for a long time and narrowed her eyes. “Oh,” she said. She bit her lip and took a long sip of wine, wiping her sweaty forehead with the back of her hand. “I see.”
Immediately, guilt seared me like a burn. “I’m sorry,” I said lamely. “I know I should’ve told you years ago.” I sighed. “I guess I just thought it would never happen, like, in a million years.”
Rebecca shrugged. “Things change,” she said blandly. “Molly, I have to ask you something, and I’m sorry if it’s a weird question. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.”
“Okay,” I said. “Go for it. What’s up?”
“Have you…have you always known you were straight?”
“What?” I narrowed my eyes. “Um, why? What’s going on?”
Rebecca shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said, blushing deeply. “I just wanted to know, that’s all. Sometimes I think about that. Maybe I should’ve taken up psychology instead of library science.”
I frowned. “So you think I’m gay?”
“No,” Rebecca said. “No, that’s not it at all.” She sighed and stretched, raising her arms high into the air. “I just wondered.” She bit her lip.
Suddenly, I remembered that book in the middle of the other two books that had been in her mailbox that day on campus. I wondered if that had anything to do with her weird question – was she going through a phase or something? Rebecca was straight – of course she was! She’d lost her virginity to a guy way before I’d ever had sex.
“Are you okay?” I asked Rebecca. “I mean, did something happen?”
Rebecca shook her head. She stared at me for a long time. “No,” she said. “Sorry if I’m being too weird.” She climbed off the couch, carefully balancing her glass of wine. “I’m gonna take a shower,” she added. “And then I should probably study for a while.” She wrinkled her nose and glanced down at the closed textbook on my lap.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve been really falling behind with my work.”
Rebecca nodded. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then clamped her lips shut and abruptly walked out of the room.
I frowned. What is going on with her, I wondered as I heard her go into the bathroom and shut the door before turning on the spray of water. She’s acting so weird!
I yawned. Suddenly, I felt like I was ready for a nap. Looking at my closed textbook just made me feel sleepy. I rolled my eyes – I was such a terrible student. Going to grad school had been a terrible idea.
I made my way down the hall and into my room, closing the door behind me. I lay down on the bed, closing my eyes and snuggling into the pillows. It seemed like it was only minutes before I was drifting off to sleep.
Hours later, I was awakened by my phone buzzing in the pocket of my shorts. Frowning, I yawned sleepily and rubbed my eyes with closed fists. When I saw Alex’s name scrolling across the screen of my phone, I grinned.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby,” Alex said. His voice was loose and relaxed, I could tell he’d been drinking.
“Hey,” I said, a smile spreading across my face. “What’s up?”
Alex laughed. Wherever he was, there was a lot of noise in the background. “I’m at the firehouse!
I’m at work, babe,” he said. “We just got back from a big blaze, and we’re celebrating. I’m here for another hour or two.”
“Oh,” I said. “That’s great.” It was strange – now that Alex was my boyfriend, talking to him felt a little awkward. Was this something girlfriends and boyfriends did, chat awkwardly on the phone with each other?
“Yeah,” Alex roared. “Hold on, I’ll go in the other room,” he said. I waited obediently a few seconds while Alex walked away from the loud crowd. When he spoke again, his voice was at a normal level.
