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“So, come home,” Mom replies as if it’s completely obvious. “Your room is still waiting for you. Come back for a while and figure it out. It isn’t as if you have money troubles to concern you, you can spend all the time you want to figure out where you want to go next.”
Admittedly, that’s probably the best plan. I did the English Lit course because I want to write; stories, poetry, songs… all of that. Going home and getting started on that dream would be the smartest thing to do. Yet I don’t want to. Not quite yet.
“I will, Mom,” I reassure her while the cogs roll in my brain. “I do want to but I think I just need a time out from life first. I need a period to adjust to normal life again. I want to recover from college first, you know?” I can hear how ridiculous that probably sounds, but to me it’s just fact. “I’ve lost my friends, the course, the security of my life… I just need a break.”
“Go on a holiday,” Mom says, starting to sound a little weary with me. “Have a break, then come home.”
“I might get my stuff shipped back and do that.” I gaze out my window and try to work out where in the world I want to go. I’ve been most places, we travelled a lot when I was younger, there isn’t really anywhere I desperately want to visit. The only thing that calls to me a little is the ocean. “I might go on a cruise,” I comment idly as the idea sparks in my brain. “Try something a little different.”
“Yes, good idea.” Mom pauses for a moment and I brace myself while I wait to hear what’s coming next. Our conversations always end this way so I expect it. “So, do you maybe want to call your father about this? Tell him what your plans are?”
I have never had a close relationship with my father. Billy Daniels is a cold hearted man who cares about no one but himself. Mom knows this, but she puts up with him because of the lifestyle he provides her with. She loves the billions of dollars, the nicest house, the fancy, designer clothes… so much so that she doesn’t even question where the money comes from. I’m sure it’s dodgy, but since no one will ever tell me I’ve given up caring.
That’s another reason I don’t want to go back home just yet, I don’t want to deal with him just yet.
“No, Mom, if you want to tell him then maybe you could call him. You know my feelings on the subject matter. I won’t argue with him all the time anymore, it’s not like I’m a young teenager anymore, but we’re never going to be close.”
Mom waits, almost as if she’s trying to change my mind, but it’s not going to happen. I know that I need to stick to my guns with this one. Me and Dad will always be distant, that will never change.
“Right, okay, sweetie. Well I have to get on. You get your stuff shipped and I’ll sort it out so it’s all ready for you when you get home.”
“Yeah, thanks, Mom. I think I’ll book the cruise now so I’ll send you the details once it’s done.”
After we hang up the phone I pull my laptop back out the case and I eagerly turn it on. The more I think about the cruise idea, the more I like it. That’ll give me some time and space for self reflection and writing too. I can get some inspiration while out on the ocean and I can also hunt about for some jobs. The sooner I get work, the sooner I can get out of home and leave my messy family life.
I scan through the options, barely looking at where the cruises are going. That’s not important, I just want to get one that starts within the next couple of days. I want to get off this island now, I just want to be on the water so I can forget everything.
Eventually I find one that leaves in the morning, Princess Cruises, the company is ironically called. It’s luxurious, probably more than I should be spending on a break away from my life, but I have to have some benefits from my wealthy family. If I’m being kept in the dark about my dad and his dodgy dealings, then I at least want some benefits.
I fly through the booking details, entering the card details off the top of my mind. It’s safe to say that I do a lot of online shopping when the mood takes me. I’ve known all the details to use the credit cards since I was fourteen years of age.
“Booked,” I mutter happily to myself as I lean back in my chair. “Can’t wait.”
But as I glance around the room the sun shining down on me fades. I’m still lonely, that’s not going anywhere. My friends have all gone to start their fabulous new lives, Diana as a travel journalist, seeing the world, Helen as a legal secretary, Alexa has moved to Canada with her boyfriend to get married and have children… it’s only me left.
If I’m honest with myself, the loneliness started a long time before this moment. If I truly dig deep inside myself then I’ve been feeling this sadness for a while now, deep down. I’ve just managed to bury it because I’ve been surrounded by my friends. Ever since me and Liam broke up in my first year, I’ve been missing having some actual love in my life. We were only together for a few months, but it was a very intense time… at least for me. I fell hard and fast for his dark hair, his tanned skin, his bright smile. I thought that he felt the same way for me, so I gave myself over to him completely, I loved him with everything I had.
And then he cheated on me.
When I found him in a club just off of campus, kissing a mystery blonde, and I lost my nut, he had the audacity to tell me that it didn’t matter because we weren’t serious anyway. We were just a fling, so why did I care who he was kissing?
What an asshole!
Anyway, after that I threw myself into my education, I gave up on the idea of finding someone until my heart had healed. Maybe it was only a short term thing but the after effects of that, scarred me deeply. It took me a while.
Only now I’m there, and no one seems interested.
I guess people in college gave up on finding relationships towards the end of our course because they all knew that we’ll be moving on soon enough. Just as I became ready to open up my heart, everyo
ne else closed theirs, leaving me alone.
I lie back on the bed and let my eyes slide shut. Who knows, this might be the start of something new. Maybe I’ll get onto that cruise and an unexpected romance will come my way.
My body sparks to life as I picture my dream man coming to life in my mind. I see a strong, muscular, tattooed body, sandy blond hair, bright blue eyes. Electricity prickles all over me and I find my hands rubbing over my chest and down my torso.
“You’re beautiful,” the mystery man says to me, breathing onto my lips, causing my entire body to pulse desperately. “Tia, you are incredible.”
As he kisses me, my hands travel lower, almost instinctively as if I can’t help myself. My core is crying out to me, I need a release, and now that I have this fantasy in my mind I can’t stop. I slide into my panties and move my fingers towards my wetness. The mystery man in my mind kisses me hard and fast, the passion flows from hip lips into mine, setting me on fire.
