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I shake my head, ridding my brain of those thoughts and I gather up my things to go and meet her. She might not like what I’m about to say, but it needs to be said. I just hope that she understands my plan and she doesn’t get too upset by it all. If I explain it right and I let her know it’s the only way I’ll really be able to move on then, surely she’ll be okay?
Only time will tell, and now it’s the time to go and find out. I need to be brave.
***
I tap my feet anxiously as I wait outside of Tia’s work for her appearance. The more time that passes the more anxious I get about everything. I don’t want to now talk myself out of the plan that I’ve been working on all day long… all week long. It’s the only thing I’ve got.
Eventually she appears arm in arm with another girl. I assume this is her best friend, Ashely. She looks like the fun-loving girl that Tia described. I’ve yet to meet her, but that’s something I understand. Me and Tia have mostly kept to ourselves, we haven’t brought the rest of our lives into our little relationship thing because it’s so fragile. No, fragile isn’t the right word, we’re strong really. I have a lot
of trust in her and I think she does me, it’s just the fear of what everyone else will think. Once we let others in, we open ourselves to criticism and I don’t think either of us are ready for that yet.
I still need to consider how this will affect my parents, and that’s the scariest ides of them all. Maybe me and Tia could pretend that we just met randomly and that nothing happened with her and Stephen, but I don’t want to erase him from her history like that. I still want to keep him alive in every way possible. I need to address it when we finally take that step, but now just isn’t the time for that. Of course, they’re still healing for their son, just like I’m still grieving for my brother. I just hope that this helps to overcome that.
“Kian!” Tia’s eyes widen with surprise as she spots me. She pulls away from her friend and moves across to me. I can tell that there’s panic behind her eyes, she’s freaked out that I’ve just turned up like this. Maybe I should have warned her, it wouldn’t have been too hard to send a text, would it? “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
I ignore the people bustling behind us and I zone in only on Tia. My breaths start coming in short and sallow, I don’t know where to start. “Can we go somewhere private?” I gasp out desperately. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Of course.” She runs her eyes all over me as if she’s trying to work me out. I can tell she’s searching for something that I can’t give her just yet. “Come to mine.”
She links one arm through mine and waves goodbye to her friends. I feel bad for dragging her away from all the people she loves, but I hope that it’ll be worth it when I explain everything to her. I put my head down and focus my eyes on the ground and allow Tia to just drag me. I can’t look up again, not until we’re away from the crowds. I just can’t deal with people right now, there’s only one person I want to be with.
Finally, we reach her home and I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. When it’s just me and Tia I can relax just a little bit. “Sorry for the dramatics, I know that was unnecessary. I’ve just been thinking a lot and…”
She claps her hand loudly across her mouth. “Oh my God, you want to end it,” she declares. “I mean, I should have known that this was coming because it is hard, but oh my God. I still feel really shocked.” She stares at me with eyes swimming with pain. Much as this is a horrible moment it’s quite sweet too because I get to see just how much she really cares about me. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so crazy it just…” She grips her chest, giving my cue that I really need to step in before she has a heart attack or something.
“No, no this isn’t that.” I do my best to reassure her but she still looks blown away. “It isn’t that at all. I just… well, it’s Stephen.” Again the color drains from her face as I mention my brother. “I’ve been thinking about him and the mystery that’s surrounded his death. I want to find out more, I need to work out what happened to him and why.” She nods slowly, getting it more than anyone else in the world would. “I need to figure it out, I don’t think that I’ll be able to move on if I don’t. Especially with…” I sigh loudly, hating myself for saying this. “Especially with us.”
“Yes, of course,” she rasps. “I understand that, I want to know what happened too. It’s all very strange. There’s something there that doesn’t quite fit.” She’s clearly been thinking about it too. “Someone knows what happened, and I just know that if we could get to that person then it would be okay.”
As she gives me an imploring look I feel compelled to continue on. “Well, I’ve thought about that a lot and that could work. There was some bar maid named in the article wasn’t there? She could know something… but at the same time I think that if it’s all related to organized crime then maybe she won’t speak. Maybe, if they like getting rid of witnesses, she’s gone too. You never know.” I don’t like that option, but I can’t deny it’s possible.
“Oh yeah, of course. I guess I never thought about that.” Her eyes flick towards me under her eyelashes, making her look absolutely adorable. “But you are going to America, right? That’s your plan? I mean, that’s all you can do, isn’t it?”
Of course, she knows that, she understands me well. “Yeah. I am. And I have a plan of what I’m going to do.”
“Okay shoot.” She gets more comfortable and stares at me, waiting for me to explain. “What are we doing?”
“We?” I don’t mean that, I mean this is something that is just for me. “No, just me.”
“Kian.” She takes my hands in hers. “You aren’t going through this alone. You know as well as I do that this is a journey that we need to go through together. You know that it affects me just as it does you. I need this mystery solving just as much as you do.”
“But it’s dangerous…” I try to let her know just why I’m not including her.
“I know it’s dangerous.” She rolls her eyes at me. “I know what the stakes are, but I also know that I need to do this. This means a lot to me, I need this mystery solved. And at the same time, I’m not letting you go into something dangerous alone either.” She pulls me to her and wraps her arms around me. “I cannot lose you. I just can’t. You get that, right?”
“I do get that,” I do my best to reassure her. “But reserve your judgement before you agree to this. I want you to hear my plan before you make a decision.”
“I’ll listen,” she warns. “But I’m coming.”
Chapter Eighteen - Tia
This is insane, I think to myself as I pace up and down backstage. I should not be here, why the hell am I doing this? I mean, I know the reasons that I’ve given myself but really? Is there any way that I can get out of it now? Can I turn back and change my mind?
“Are you okay, babe?” Kian asks while placing a gentle kiss on my shoulder. “You look nervous, is there anything that I can do?”
My ragged breaths get even shorter and sharper as I turn to look at Kian. The green and gray eyes of his are still and calm. He’s the one about to put himself on the line here but he looks cool, calm, and totally collected. How is it possible that I’m the one who’s a hot mess here? I turn to face him ad grip onto his arms, trying to soak in some of his calm.
“I should be the one calming you down,” I gasp. “Are you okay? Is there anything that I can do for you?” I glance towards the curtains, listening to the roar of people on the other side. “It’s really busy out there. Are you going to be alright?”
