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What was that? Every strange movement grabs my attention which is annoying because it’s a packed out concert hall of people acting crazy. Every crowd surfer, every person with a sign, everyone that leaps up too high… they all grab my focus which hopefully doesn’t take too much away from the music. Nothing, again, just keep on playing.
Eventually my eyes are drawn to Tia’s as the magnet pulls me back in and I’m instantly calmed all over again. The woman has such an amazing effect on me, I like her far too much. I stare into her eyes lovingly as I sing, remembering that night at Serena’s, when she sat in the coffee shop watching me, the very same night that our relationship changed from something platonic to something much more special.
I love her, I realize starkly. I actually, fell in love with her. I don’t know why I haven’t realized it before, I don’t know why it’s only just hit me now at a moment when I can’t share my feelings with her, but it has. It’s hit me hard and fast in the face, leaving me a little breathless. I love Tia with everything that I have. I want her to be mine forever.
Of course I do, it’s obvious. I wouldn’t have risked everything to be with her if I d
idn’t. I’ve fallen head over heels for the girl that my twin brother liked, at least for one moment he really liked her, and now I just want her to be mine. A determination settles over me, I decide that what I really need to do when I get back to New Zealand to take her to meet my family. I don’t want to hide anymore, I just want us to be together and I want the whole world to know. Our love is precious, it shouldn’t be hidden. Me and Tia are perfect together,
I hope you approve, Stephen, I think, hoping that if he really is stuck until this plane until we solve it all then he’ll more than likely be watching this right now. I know I would be! This is your dream come true… I’m just sorry that it’s too late.
I play for him, I play for our bond, I play because of our fights, I play because I ignored the one text message that he sent me which actually meant something, I play for my twin and to hopefully trap the bastard that put him in his grave too soon.
I also hope that you aren’t too mad about me and Tia… you know this wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t everything to me. If I didn’t love her, I would have stayed away.
An electricity sizzles through the air which I use to spurn me on. I play louder, better, I sing harder and the crowd goes absolutely wild. They’re loving every single second. I can even see Tia dancing away out there which is saying something. I’ve never seen anyone so anxious as her as we made our way over to America. She barley spoke on the flight, she didn’t say much as we went to see the burned out remains of the building where my brother lost his life, and she’s been ashen all day long. Because of all of that it’s nice to see her let her hair down. I want her to enjoy herself and I’m glad that it’s because of me.
I become overwhelmed with an excitement about what our life will be when we get back to New Zealand. Images fill my head of us fully immersing ourselves in one another’s lives, of us meeting friends and family, living together, getting married, maybe even starting a family… my eyes well up, I like the idea so damn much that I feel about ready to weep with joy. I might not have ever been the playboy that Stephen was but I haven’t really thought about settling down either, but I suppose that’s just because the right girl hasn’t come along. Now she has, now she’s here and I’m ready to give her all of me…
Bang!
The noise is so loud I don’t know what it is at first. It rings through my eardrums at an alarming rate, freezing me to the spot. I try to move my head from side to side so I can work out just what’s going on, but it’s almost as if I can only move in slow motion. For a weird moment it’s as if time has stopped completely and there’s nothing I can do to restart it.
Then my guitar crashes to the ground with a thud, creating a massive racket and allowing the noise to whoosh back into my ears once more, almost knocking me to the ground.
Is that screaming? I think desperately as I try to search the crowd. What’s going on? Everyone is rushing off in every direction as if they know something I don’t. My brain hasn’t quite processed what’s going on so nothing is making any sense right now, all I know is that something has happened. As the man up on the stage, I feel like it’s my obligation to put it right and to do that I need my guitar.
I lean forward to pick it up which I instantly realize is a mistake. A searing pain tears through the left side of my body and when I glance down to see what’s wrong I see a redness that I know shouldn’t be there. A sticky, warm redness that’s oozing from my body at an alarming rate. I clutch the area where the blood seems to coming from which only makes it gush out more ferociously as if I’ve aggravated it or something.
Have I been shot? I think desperately as I stagger back and forth. Now that I’ve seen the wound I can feel it harder and it’s making my brain dizzy. My stomach feels sick, I want to vomit everywhere but I’m in too much shock to do so. Where are the cops? Aren’t they supposed to stop this?
Much as it might have seemed that way on the surface, I didn’t ever come to America with a death wish in mind. I didn’t step up onto this stage tonight thinking I was going to get shot. A part of me thinks that maybe Tia thought that, but it was never on the agenda. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t actually want to die as I pretended to be my brother. I just wanted closure, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, and justice too. My brother doesn’t deserve to be an unsolved mystery, a murder that doesn’t put anyone behind bars, he was too good a person for that. That’s why I fought so hard to make all of this happen.
Save me, Stephen, I think frantically in my pain addled mind. I don’t want to die. Our parents don’t deserve to lose two sons, Tia doesn’t deserve to lose two men, you know this as well as I do. Please save me.
But nothing happens. Nothing good anyway. I blink my eyes frantically a few times trying to regain my vision but it just keeps getting worse. In fact now it’s blackening. The red hot pain is filling up my veins, consuming all of me, threatening to eat me alive and I can feel myself succumbing to it because I don’t know what else to do. My vision is pin holing, I can see less and less with every passing second and I’m also filled with the sickening sense that I’m falling. I’m tumbling, cascading backwards, I don’t know where I’m going to land but I know I can’t remain upwards anymore. The sheer agony is too much. I’m a strong person but I can’t keep fighting it, I just can’t.
Tia, I’m so sorry, Tia, I think desperately as I fall backwards. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to make this right. I never wanted to die, I didn’t want to make you suffer this again. Maybe if I’d spent more time looking for a gun and less time focusing on putting on such an amazing show…
‘Maybe if’, ‘what if’, is that what my whole life comes down to? A whole load of unanswered questions? I should have lived better, I should have been fiercer, I should have done everything very different. But then again, I suppose I never thought that I’d be dying so young with all these regrets. The Jones twins, taken much too soon. That’s probably what they’ll say about us when, if, anyone speaks about us in the future.
Then my head hits something hard, my back slams into the ground, and everything finally goes black.
***
“Kian.” I hear something bursting through the crowd surrounding me, one person trying to infiltrate my brain. I want to answer it, I want to feel it, but I don’t know how to find it. Everything around me is too black. “Kian, it’s me, it’s Tia.”
Tia. That is a name I want to hear. I try even harder to force my eyes open but they just won’t do it. It’s as if they’ve been stuck together with super glue, leaving me in a state. Keep talking to me, Tia. I want to hear from you.
“Kian, I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m here. I’m holding your hand.” I wish I could feel that but I can’t. “Erm, I don’t know if you know but you’ve been shot. The cops have the guy so that’s good, but I’m not concerned about that right now. I guess I’ll sort that out later.” At least the cops have the guy. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me but at least I know that the guy has been caught. I can almost feel a massive weight being pulled off my chest. “The ambulance is on the way, so someone will be here soon enough to take care of you. I just need you to hang on until then.”
Of course I will, I think as if it’s absolutely obvious. For you, Tia, I will do anything.
She continues to talk as if she thinks her voice is the only thing pinning me to the Earth. Maybe she is, maybe if it weren’t for her I’d fall the hell apart so I focus on her words and I drink them in as if they’re my nectar.
“You did a really good show, you know before the whole shooting thing. I think your brother would have been proud of you. The erm, the crowd really loved you. I think you could be really successful if that’s what you want.” I hear an emotional crack in her voice. I wish it wasn’t there, I hate that she’s sad. “You just… you need to stay alive, alright? That’s all I can ask of you… oh thank God, the ambulance is here, Kian. The paramedics are here to help you. You’ll be okay soon enough. I promise, okay?”
Her voice fades along with my consciousness, without Tia by my side it’s hard to keep going but I know I have to do it for her. She needs me, that’s all that matters to me.
