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“Nope, never said that, but we aren’t talking about me. We’re talking about you. Eli told me that you and Neil were hanging out.”
“How the hell did he know?”
“Because the two of them talk, I guess. I think they’ve had beers together a couple of times, and I know that Neil comes up to Eli’s shop kind of a lot. I guess he’s been telling him how much he’s into you.’
“Huh.”
Courtney gave me a look like it was the stupidest answer she’d ever heard, and she was probably right, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I had been struggling mightily not to gush about Neil every waking second of every day, but it hadn’t ever occurred to me that Neil might be talking about me as well.
There was still that part of me that was terrified this was all some kind of a game to him, which only made sense considering the way he’d left things so many years ago, but to hear that he was talking to a guy about me made me feel like maybe it wasn’t all me this time. Maybe there really was still something between us, something worth exploring further.
“Hey, Fay?”
“Yeah?”
“I wasn’t joking. Eli and I had a blast last night, but I can’t actually remember the last time I felt this shitty. Is it ok if I go home? I bet we won’t get anyone in, at least anyone aside from your boyfriend.”
“Neil isn’t my boyfriend, Courtney.”
“Who said I was talking about Neil?”
“Who else could you be talking about?”
“The guy who works for the nature magazine! He’s already been in once today, girlie, and he made it clear that he intends to come back. He’s really taken with you, at least that’s wha
t he said. I think he really wants to take you out. He told me he sees something in you.”
“Come on, Courtney, you know that’s not going to happen.”
“How come?”
“You know why.”
“Because of Neil?”
“Well, sure. I don’t think it would be right. I want to see where things are going, you know? Like, I really want to give things a chance, and I don’t think I would be doing that if I started going out with other guys, too.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“Why do you have to say it like that?”
“Like what? I’m not saying it like anything, Fay. It’s your choice, and we both know it. Just be careful, you know? What’s that saying? You know the one I’m talking about?”
“No, not really,” I answered huffily, starting to grow legitimately annoyed with her constant negativity about me and Neil and how closely it mirrored my own worst fears. “I just know you’re trying to tell me I’m making a mistake.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to tell you to be careful. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket! That’s what I was trying to think of. I’m going to go and sleep this off, and you can do whatever you want, but just remember that. Or at least try and think about it. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket, or you might get burned. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
She left without waiting to see what I might say to that, just walked out the front door and left me standing there with her bomb of parting advice and no idea what to do with it. I wanted to believe that she was wrong, but how was I supposed to know for sure? You never could, that was the problem. There was no way to know anything for certain, and that included a man’s intentions.
I felt the excitement and joy of my last few interactions with Neil seeping out of me, and I sat down at the counter, my head in my hand and my book in front of me but unopened. I had no idea how long I had been sitting there when I heard the bell and the door open. I heaved a heavy sigh and prepared myself to put on my happy face, wishing that Courtney was still there to deal with the customer. What I really wanted was to see Neil. Something told me that if I could only see him, I would feel better about everything, that all of Courtney’s words would leave me, and I would be sure again. When I turned around, I let out a little gasp, hardly able to believe my eyes.
“It’s you!”
“It is,” Neil answered with a slow smile, glancing around the place to see if it was only him and me inside. When he saw that it was, he walked right up to me without saying another word, slipping his arms around me and pulling me in for a deep, slow kiss. It was a kiss that made me feel like I was floating and the heat Neil was so good at building up inside of me appeared almost immediately.
It was almost frightening how easily he could turn me on. It made me feel like I had no control over myself when it came to him. While I knew that wasn’t precisely true, I had an uncomfortable suspicion that it might be mostly true. It was only the sense of duty I had to the diner that made me pull back, and that was something I had to do with a huge amount of effort.
“Neil, we can’t.”
