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“Oh yeah?” I drag my eyes away from Lola. “She’s a caring person, isn’t she? I learnt that when I spent time with her before.” I don’t know what Lola said about us, so I don’t want to overstep anything. I just need to keep vague for now until I work it out. “You know, when we were friends.”

“Friends, huh?” He narrows his eyes at me as if he’s trying to work out why I’m lying. I flicker my eyes down under the intensity of his gaze. “I thought you were more than that.”

“Is that what she said?” I need to know before I say anything at all. “Lola, I mean?”

“Oh no, she hasn’t ever really said anything. But I could just tell.” He leans in to speak only to me. “You know, when you were around, Lola was much happier, she was like a different person all full of life and excitable… it was lovely to see. But then you left and she was sad, like really sad. She threw herself into her work and that’s how she’s been ever since. She says it’s to afford my treatment, but I don’t think it’s just that. I think she’s just been trying to forget. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this, but if I don’t say it now I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”

I sit back further in my seat as I try to process his words. It seems that we’ve both been miserable since things fell apart. I don’t want Lola to be unhappy, but it means something to me that she’s been affected by us too. It means that maybe there’s still a chance for us, maybe, somewhere deep down. The thought that she’s pregnant and married is long gone at any rate which is good. I didn’t like that image at all, it hurt me deeply. So deep that all I wanted to do was forget. Well, I don’t want to forget anymore.

“Oh right, well it was a shame,” I say coyly. “I didn’t want things to end in the way that they did either. I wish I could go back and change things…”

Unfortunately, we have to stop then because Lola comes back over to us with the drinks clutched between her fingers. Judging by her glowering expression she heard some of the chat, which is just another thing to feel guilty about. It seems that the things I’ve done wrong to her just keep piling up and up. How can I make it up to her when I keep doing more wrong?

“Thanks for the drink,” I say quietly, hoping to break the ice, but she doesn’t immediately answer me, causing her dad to jump in.

“Yes, sweetie, that’s very kind of you.”

We all take a sip of our drinks, the silence clings thickly to the air. My brain spins at a million miles an hour, I try to work out what I need to say to make all of this okay, but it isn’t easy. With Lola, everything I say is wrong and makes her madder, and I don’t want to upset her dad either. I just wish I had a time machine and I could make it all okay again that way.

“So, you two knew each other last year?” Okay, so it’s not up to me. That’s good… I think. Her dad’s eyes flick between us both as he speaks. “That’s wild. Did you decide to meet again this year?”

“No,” Lola interjects quickly. “No we didn’t. We just bumped into one another.”

“Oh, like fate.” He claps his hand together and grins, far too brightly for someone who knows the truth. Obviously, Lola didn’t say that

I left without saying goodbye. She kept that part inside, probably because she’s embarrassed. I hate that it’s me who’s made her feel that way. I’m an asshole. “That’s nice.”

“Erm, yeah, or a joint need to go to the drug store,” I reply with a mirthless laugh. “I don’t know if that counts as fate.”

“Does it matter where fate gets in the way? It does what it does.”

“Okay, Dad, I think it might be time for you to get into bed,” Lola says warningly. “I don’t want you to get tired. You’ve just taken your pills so you know they’ll knock you out in a moment.”

“Oh no, I’m not ready to stop talking to Brandon yet. You don’t mind if I fall asleep now, do you?”

“Erm. No I don’t mind. I’m enjoying talking to you.” But Lola’s gaze scares the shit out of me, so I quickly retract my words to stick up for her instead. “But if Lola thinks it’s best then maybe we should…”

“I know what’s best for me.” I’m not getting through to him however hard I try. “And for now I’m just fine thank you very much. Brandon, please tell me more about this property business you’re in.”

“Oh well, the projects I run are the small town ones. The ones that change areas into something more progressive.”

“And you love it? It’s your passion?” I don’t answer him, which seemingly gives him everything he needs to know. “Are the towns you help out happy to be more progressive?”

“I don’t know. “I shrug a bit helplessly. “I used to think that they would be afterwards, if not before, but now I don’t know. Are you happy with the changes?”

“Oh I don’t know. I don’t get out enough to notice the difference to be honest. I’m sure the businesses are pleased now they’ll be making more money, and it gives you more hours, doesn’t it, Lola?”

“Mhmm.” The sound is tight and stressed. “It sure does.”

After that small non comment, she mostly keeps out of the conversation and I spend the time getting to know her father instead. He’s a very nice man who seemingly was very busy until this horrible illness started to take his body away from him. Not that it’s helped much now, but I’m glad I could contribute something to his care. He doesn’t deserve this. I want to do more, but I don’t know how I can ensure Lola will let me.

Eventually I can see what Lola meant about the pills. They strip all energy from him and have his head rolling. I suggest he gets into bed a couple of times, but he doesn’t seem to hear me. And then he’s asleep.

“This is what I was worried about,” Lola says tensely. “I hate it when he drifts off like this because it’s uncomfortable for him and it leaves him stiff and in pain in the morning. He knows I’m not strong enough to carry him as well. It leaves me in such a tricky position.”

“I’ll help you,” I offer right away. “I’ll get him into bed.”

Without even giving Lola the chance to panic, I scoop my arms underneath him and lift him up. He’s heavy because he’s pretty much passed out but I don’t let that show. I don’t want to do anything to make Lola panic.

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