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Christmas was bigger, and they pulled out everything to distract me from my pain. We picked out a huge Christmas tree and they brought out some of my family ornaments to decorate it with. We had a small family dinner that night and I watched with big eyes as Bella played with her cousins around the tree. She had a total of three aunts and uncles that came over, siblings of both her parents. I remembered when her mom died and how sad Bella was and tried to participate. I looked across the room to see Boyce watching me closely as he sat with his father on the couch. He offered me a small smile and I felt warmth rush through me as I smiled back. Boyce didn’t make the holiday about expensive gifts for us. He made it more about traditions and I carried just a few gifts up to my bedroom at the night’s end, ready to go to sleep for several hours.
The years flew by in that house and I thought of it as home quickly after I moved in. Bella became my sister and Boyce became something of a father figure to me. When I was little that took one form, but as I got older, I noticed how attractive that he was for his age.
I wasn’t stupid, either. Boyce didn’t date anybody seriously, but I heard the women in his room when Bella wasn’t home. I heard the things they did and the cries they let out from my room downstairs. He was active, but I never seemed to see or hear the same woman twice. I never mentioned it to Bella. She was busy with friends and her drama class, always in a new play or performance. Bella was the bubbly, outgoing one out of the two of us and she threw herself into activities once we started middle school.
I was the quiet one. I focused on my studies and enjoying the home that I now called my own. It was so beautiful here and I took every chance to prowl the property and find new places to take time to think. I made a few friends in class and we’d hang out sometimes, but I held most things in for Bella. She was everything to me. We might be different, but we were as close as sisters and made Sunday our day. We’d make breakfast and hang out and watch movies or go shopping. She usually had that time free until the afternoon when she had to go to practice or a performance and there were times that I’d go along with her to watch.
It was a great life to have as good as it could be considering the circumstances.
I was in middle school and had met an older boy that was a sophomore in high school. Dean fascinated me and took me out to the movies and dinner in his car since he’d skipped a grade and was driving early. It was fun and there was something about it that felt forbidden as we dated sneakily even though my entire school was talking about it. Bella told me to be careful as she kept flirting with the same boys in our grade and for the first time, I felt like I was more powerful than she was. It was exhilarating.
I came home from school one afternoon, ready to study for a test that I’d ignored the night before to see Dean. He was pushing me for sex and I told him no that I wasn’t ready yet. I had a feeling that we’d be ending soon, and I walked inside of the house and headed for the stairs. “Vivian.” I heard Boyce’s voice and paused, recognizing the serious tone that it held. “I need to talk to you.”
“Okay,” I agreed as I turned and walked to his office, located off the den that Bella and I used to watch TV sometimes. He watched me walk inside and sit down as he took a seat on the sofa beside me. “Is everything okay?”
“I heard that you’re seeing Dean James. Is that true?” I stared at him with wide eyes, seeing the displeasure on his handsome face. Boyce was in his forties now and looked good but right now he looked like he was in pain.
“Yeah. I like him. He’s more mature than the other boys at school.” I held my head high, trying to pretend that I wasn’t scared.
“Vivian, he’s in high school and you haven’t even graduated the eighth grade. That is too much of an age difference and…he could hurt you. Your parents would never forgive me if I didn’t step
in and stop this.” I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, feeling stubborn as I remained silent. “Has he hurt you?”
“No. He’s good to me.” I remembered the night before and the growing pressure that he’d been placing on me lately and my shoulder slumped forward slowly.
“I need you to end things with him. Just be a girl enjoying her life. Don’t rush things.” I looked at Boyce, seeing how weary his ocean blue eyes were as he touched my shoulder. “I already have Bella to worry about. Between the two of you, I think I’ll be done by the time you both graduate. You’re both growing up so fast now and I can’t believe it.” He looked at me for a long moment and I smiled softly at him. “You’re both great and I know that there are amazing lives for both you girls just waiting. Keep that in mind.”
It suddenly clicked in my mind why I gave in to Dean’s advances at the pizza place after school. Boyce was an older man that I looked up to so much, and I wanted to have that in another form. It felt good when Dean kissed me and touched me. I wondered now if it was something that I wanted from Boyce but quickly pushed the thought away. He was like my father. Even though we had no blood relation, he was a father figure to me and I couldn’t think this way about him. I blamed the fact that he saved me from the pain of not having a home years ago and touched his hand on my shoulder. “Okay, I will. I won’t see him again.” The heat that passed between us was intense and unexpected, making me gasp as he pressed his full lips together.
“Good,” Boyce told me softly as I pushed myself from the couch and headed towards the door. My heart was racing, and I grabbed my backpack and hurried to my room. I didn’t understand the feelings racing through me right now. I felt a little bit of this with Dean when we were being intimate but there was a sense of hesitation to that as well. I trusted Boyce implicitly and had no fear with him. I closed my door and walked over to the bed to sit down, staring through the window at the water. There was no doubt that I was finished with Dean now. I was already on the fence with his actions as of late and the talk I just had with the man that was the closest thing to a father sealed the deal.
I opened my book and turned to the pages I needed to study. I was confused inside by everything that was happening and I tried to focus on the words that were going to keep my A grade tomorrow. I thought back to the times I’d heard him with women in his room. They were always moaning and crying out his name, making me wonder what was happening up there. His room was above mine and over a bit, so they must be loud. Was he touching them like Dean touched me? It felt good, but I always stayed quiet because we needed to not get caught.
I made myself focus on History and read for a little while until there was a knock at my door. Bella poked her head in to tell me that Anne made chicken for dinner and that it was ready as I stared at her. I nodded slowly and told her that I’d be right out as she wrinkled her nose at me. “What’s wrong? Did Dean finally dump you?”
“It is more of a mutual decision. He’s too old for me.” I pushed myself from the bed and walked into the attached bathroom to freshen up, needing to deal with seeing Boyce again. It was so intense in his office. Bella waited for me, sitting on the bed and she fussed with her phone and I walked out to look at her, having changed my t-shirt into something loose that would let me breathe.
“I’m glad that you aren’t going to see him anymore. He was too different than we were.” I’d never tell her that I thought her dad was handsome and I nodded quickly in agreement. We went down to the dining room, helping Anne with the food after we set the table for her. She made sure that everything was good for the night before leaving to go home to her husband and Boyce came out of his office to join us at the table.
“How was your day, Bell?” He asked as he placed the napkin in his lap as I watched him.
“It was great.” She went on to talk about her newest play and the set design as he ate and listened to her, glancing at me a couple times throughout the meal. His eyes were dark as they locked with mine and I’d look down at my plate and push the food around. I didn’t understand the physical things going on in my body and wished that my mom or Nora was here. Anne was a nice woman and offered her help whenever we felt like we needed it, but I was shy around her.
Bella and I spent time in her room, talking about the changes our bodies were going through. She was taking it a little better than I was, and her attentions were focused on boys our age. She was a huge flirt, but I knew that she didn’t take things too fast. Not yet, at least. She told me that everything was going to be okay once I focused on the grade that we were in now, much like something Boyce would say.
I made my way to my room when it was time to go to sleep, looking upstairs as I wondered what Boyce was doing. I got some water before I took a shower and crawled under the covers to look outside at the stars. This house was built with windows that were both low and high, and while the lower ones had blinds on them the higher ones offered a clear view of the sky. I always looked out before falling asleep but tonight I played back the emotion that was obvious in the office. It was thick, and I blinked as I remembered the way that it felt when I touched him.
CHAPTER 3
Boyce
I worked late into the night after dinner, thinking about the encounter with Vivian. While she was the same age as my own daughter, Vivian was an old soul and I saw questions in her eyes that I wasn’t ready to answer. I hid the fact that I was seeing women from Bella since she was gone so much more than Vivian, but I allowed them in the house when Vivian was there. I knew how loud it got sometimes and felt bad, but I liked rough sex. With Nora it was always loving, but anyone else seemed to feel like a punishment to me. It was just to scratch an itch and I threw them out the moment we were finished.
I wondered how I was affecting Vivian with this. She was close to being a teenager now and going through hormones and emotions. I knew that she must feel some confusion at the new sensations in her body and I might be harming her with my behavior. I wondered if she slept with Dean and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose as I took a deep breath. Older boys didn’t want anything with girls that far behind them except for a hole to fuck. They were going through their own issues and fuck if I didn’t remember being a high school boy. I fucked everything in sight without a care and now it created so much concern for Bella and Vivian. I didn’t want the same thing done to them, particularly since I was now shouldered with the safety of Vivian. It wasn’t that I minded or was ever resentful of the fact, but I felt more pressure from it. I also felt guilt for finding her so beautiful.
I waited until I was exhausted before shutting down the laptop and heading upstairs. I got shit for work done anyway and I veered towards the kitchen for a beer before I made the descent up the stairs. I stepped out onto the balcony and took a deep breath of the cool air, looking around the sky as I tried to push the day away from me.
I showered and crawled into the big bed, thinking how lonely it felt tonight. I could call a woman to come over, but my daughter was home. She needed to think that I was concerned about her and not thinking of my sex life. I had to be a responsible father and that included not thinking the wrong things about her best friend. I tossed and turned for an hour before I finally fell asleep, telling myself to sleep in and not miss work. The girls got a ride with a friend to school most mornings as well as afternoons, depending on what they had going on. Anne was always around the house if something urgent came up and I needed to keep the office going. I needed to distract myself from the thoughts that were threatening to take it over.
