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y she chewed on her pen cap, the way her temples creased when she laughed at his jokes.
She was every man’s fantasy. And every woman’s nightmare.
But it was so much more than that; I craved to know more…look beneath the topical veneer she displayed for others, and dissect her. Open her up so I could learn what made her tick. How she appeared to be so open, made everyone around her love and hate her at the same time, while fearing being rejected by her.
She was a study into everything that I wasn’t.
I was attending the University of Central Florida on scholarship. Her affluent parents made donations to the school. I was poised at one end of the spectrum, and she the other—a much better fit for Drew. His own family held in high regard, knowing his doctorate would—finally—launch him to the proper level, where he would no longer have to teach.
I majored in psychology. A senior, Chelsea was auditing the class. If I didn’t stop comparing myself to her, Drew said, I was going to drive myself crazy. There was nothing between them. It was all in my head. She wasn’t his type. He flattered her because their families moved in the same circles. He had to be polite. Besides, she was a student.
So am I, I wanted to say.
Insecurity is not attractive to men.
But I couldn’t help myself. Couldn’t stop the obsessive thoughts. If I thought about it enough, somehow, I would prevent it from happening. Like wishing on a star; those dreams never came true.
I knew she wanted him, in the way beautiful girls want men, so they can toss them aside afterward. Their stamp on the man’s backside like a grade of meat: processed.
Me, on the other hand, I believed I had something special with Drew. I wasn’t outgoing. I was reserved, difficult to connect with, and Drew broke through my defenses. He swept in and shone a light on my dark little corner, and the fear of losing that intimacy…
I couldn’t lose him, or what we had. The dread of it hollowed me out inside, and I felt sick, helpless.
As much as I loathed what Chelsea was doing, I also hated myself for what her presence in my life was doing to me, flaunting my past, that other girl before Drew, right in my face. In a way, she reminded me of Amber—how my cousin’s vibrant, charismatic personality stole the spotlight.
I was always second to Amber. As kids, she demanded all attention on her. But I loved her, my best friend, and I was content to at least follow in her shadow. I was shy back then, but it wasn’t until she was gone that I became withdrawn.
Without Amber’s light, I didn’t want to see the world.
That’s why, this time, I can’t let Chelsea win.
Amber would make me stand up for myself.
I push the unhealthy feelings down, down. Breathe. Drew has helped me overcome so much; he’s opened me up in a way that I never experienced before, and when I’m finally on the cusp of sloughing off the rest of the dead shell encasing me, Chelsea swirls onto the stage, a self-indulgent twister wreaking havoc.
Class dismissed, I lingered near the doorway, pretending to check messages. I watched her lean over his desk, twirl her hair, her trilling laugh drowning out the rapid beat of my heart. I closed my eyes.
One more week.
Just another week and Drew and I would be leaving for spring break. Together. Away from temptations and fears. I’d have his undivided attention. I’d rekindle the spark that seemed to dwindle over the past couple of months.
The longer I watched them together, the more helpless I felt. They looked good. A perfect fit. Desperation slithered in through my widening cracks.
I have to stop this from happening.
But my dream, still fresh, mocked me. I’d already seen how this ends.
As Chelsea passed me, she tossed her hair, the ends smacking my cheek.
I still remember the strawberry scent of her hair.
4
Cold Case
Lakin: Now
Here’s what we know about the Delany case:
