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And it’s true. Besides my mother, I really don’t have anyone, and sometimes I feel so far away from her. Aiden’s the only one who, for some reason, I know will always be here for me.
My admission seems to warm him up to me, and his face softens as he looks at me. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I want it all to end. You’d get mad and do something to get back at them. I need everyone to stop getting hurt because of me. Plus, it happened before the race and you needed to focus on that and not me. Of course I trust you, Aiden. I just didn’t want you to go and—”
I stop talking when I notice the knuckles on Aiden’s right hand. They’re busted up and look like they’ve recently been split open. He follows my gaze and moves his hand so that it’s out of my view.
“What happened to your hand?” I ask, even though I already have a feeling I know what happened.
“Nothing.”
“Aiden.”
“Nothing, Amelia.”
“You picked a fight with Dave, didn’t you?”
“No,” he replies, his expression and tone neutral, as if we’re discussing the weather. “I picked a fight with Dave, Rob, Ian, and whoever else could’ve been that other guy who held you back while Dave . . .” He trails off, as if he can’t bear the thought of Dave hitting me.
“Shit, Aiden. Are you okay?” I bring a hand to his face and turn it to better inspect him for injuries. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you! I didn’t want you to get hurt over me.”
He gently grabs my hand and moves it away from his face, but doesn’t let go. “I’m fine, Amelia. They only got a couple of hits in.”
“Aiden!”
“It was worth it. Believe me.” The way he says it with such conviction and determination makes my pulse race and my heart swell.
I don’t know what to say. My thoughts are just so consumed with Aiden I don’t even know how to process how amazing he is and how much I like him.
I look into his piercing gray eyes, which always seem to soften when they’re focused on me. I notice a small cut on his nose, and briefly wonder which guy was fast enough to get a hit on Aiden’s face, before my eyes flicker to his lips.
And then he’s there. His hands are on my waist and his lips are on mine, and like last time I’m transported to my own personal heaven.
My mind, body, and soul are consumed with the fire that is Aiden, and I can’t think of anything except the burning need to be closer. He must be feeling the same way because his grip on my waist tightens, and he easily lifts me onto his lap, my knees placed on either side of him so that I’m straddling him, and I pull myself closer, my arms wrapping around his neck. No amount of butterflies or fireworks could compare to the feeling I’m experiencing as Aiden’s lips move in sync with mine.
It’s like all I’ve ever needed in this world is to be held and kissed this passionately by the amazingly powerful and intense man that is Aiden, and it’s like there’s nowhere else I’ve ever wanted or needed to be than right here.
22
I wish I could say that after Aiden and I kissed we became all lovey-dovey and had a perfect happily ever after, but we don’t.
Why? Because I’m me.
I’m stupid, stupid Amelia Collins, who technically doesn’t even exist, and won’t even exist in a few weeks.
I gave in to my feelings and kissed Aiden when I knew I shouldn’t have, even though it felt really—and I mean really—good. But guilt keeps coming back to haunt me. Whenever I think about Aiden and how he makes me feel, it creeps up my throat and squeezes until I can barely breathe, wrapping itself around my heart and slowly constricting until I’m sure it’s going to stop beating.
The way Aiden makes me feel is incomparable to anything I’ve ever felt, but that’s because I know him. I know who he is. I know that he’s responsible and loyal and smart. I know when he’s trying to hide a smile or when he’s annoyed or when he’s deep in
thought about something important.
But most of all, I know his name. Can he even say the same for me?
He doesn’t deserve someone who is lying to him all the time and pretending to be someone she isn’t. Especially not someone who will skip town without a moment’s notice, never to be heard from again. Definitely not someone who puts his life in danger just by being near him.
Because the reality is, I’m Thea Kennedy, and Thea Kennedy has been chased down and had multiple attempts made on her life by a madman. Thea Kennedy has caused multiple people to be injured and killed just by being around her, and has a little shoebox in her closet as a reminder. I don’t deserve Aiden, and he definitely should be with someone better than me. It’s not like I cut him off after that night at my house, but I’ve been distancing myself, and I’ve made it my mission to avoid spending any one-on-one time with him.
Sometimes I see him in the hallway and we make eye contact, and he’ll start walking over to me, but I’ll sprint in the opposite direction as quickly as possible, cursing myself in my head the entire time. I barely say more than a full sentence to him when I see him in class, and I busy myself with studying for exams at lunch. I’ve even started parking as far away from his spot as I can, just so we won’t bump into each other in the parking lot. I wish I could say it was easy, but it hurts almost as much as the guilt does. Every time I see him I remember how it feels to be held by him, to kiss him—but then my head starts to swim and I know I can’t keep up the charade.
