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You know, I think I get it now. How could I forget? It’s just like how Rys figured out where I lived with Jim in the city, and how he managed to send Saxon to our apartment to snag him. Ever since he first touched me, he’s left his trace on my skin—his brand—and, because of that, he can follow me anywhere even after it faded some.
I’m so excited at the idea of seeing Morgan again that I’m not even thinking as I blurt out, “That’s right! Since you’ve touched me, you can follow your brand anywhere. You can show us how I used to get to Morgan’s cottage!”
The good feeling lasts for, oh, five seconds? Because, about six seconds after I say that out loud, I hear Jim’s confused, “He… touched you?,” and I immediately regret saying anything at all.
My hand flies up, covering my mouth, but it’s too little too late.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I say that?
Jim faces me. “You told me not to let any of the fae touch me. You made me promise. And you let him touch you?”
Jim says “touch”. I understand it as “fuck”.
And… both of them are pretty accurate.
I swallow. “Yeah.”
“Did he force you?”
Rys draws in a breath. Before he can say anything, I cut in with a quick, “No. I gave him permission.”
I can just about see the cogs turning inside of Jim’s skull. All of this time since he’s been in Faerie—since he’s been watching how notably strained things are between me and Rys—and, oblivious as ever, he never once suspected a thing. Probably because I did everything I could to keep him from guessing. I didn’t want to hurt him.
He looks pretty hurt right now.
“You? And… and him? Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me what I’m thinking right now is wrong.”
I wish I could.
7
Why is this happening? Why did I ever think it wouldn’t happen?
“Jim, it’s not what you think—”
Rys shifts his weight, moving a few steps away from me. From beneath the hood of his cloak, I can feel the heat of his unblinking stare as he murmurs, “Isn’t it?”
The fact that we’re standing in a triangle, Jim to my right and Rys to my left, with my standing point… it’s not lost on me. Neither is Rys’s barely whispered comment. Seriously? How is that supposed to help me right now?
Simple. I don’t think it’s supposed to.
Maybe that’s my fault. I know damn well that Rys didn’t want Jim tagging along on this trip—he didn’t want me here, either, can’t forget that—and if I thought being stuck in the middle was bad, it must be hell for Rys. Every time he looks at me and Jim, he sees what he gave up and his choice to throw my old boyfriend at me. Now that Jim’s here, he’s stuck with him. Thanks to Oberon insisting that we all go together, he’s stuck with me, too.
But Jim… I’ve spent the last week trying to figure out what I was supposed to do now that he’s here. It’s definitely my fault for wimping out; telling Jim that I’ve been through a lot, that I needed my space was one thing. Did I end things? Not really. Did I mention that I fell for my scarred Seelie since I’ve been trapped in Faerie?
That’s a big, honking nope.
Jim trusted me. I never gave him a reason not to before, and I’m going to have to tell him the truth sooner or later before my silence leads him on any further. Just because Rys thought he was giving me a gift by bringing Jim into Faerie, that doesn’t change things. Not really. While I love Jim and probably always will, I haven’t been in love with him for much longer than I care to admit. I’ve been fooling myself for a while, and it would be cruel to let him go on believing that I still want to be with him.
Does that mean that this is the right time for this conversation? Probably not.
I glance from Rys to Jim again. Both guys are watching me closely, waiting for me to answer Rys’s whisper. I can’t pretend to have missed it. The Shadow Realm is so eerily quiet, every sound carries. Even now I can pick up Jim’s strained and heavy breathing and my nervous boot tap-tap-tapping against the packed dirt.
Whoops. I stop that.
Jim crosses his arms over his chest, almost as if he’s holding himself together.
Rys is silent. Still. No sign of the charming, flirty Seelie that likes to needle Riley and Nine. Nope. I feel like I’m back in Siúcra again, facing off against my guarded cellmate.
