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“Well, good thing I don’t give a crap what you think. This is between my girl and me.”
“Your girl?” echoes Rys. “She’s meant to be my ffrindau.”
I flinch this time. I don’t know what’s worse: the way Rys says “meant to be” like that when we both know that he gave up his chance at claiming his soul mate, or how much it twists my stomach to wish that I could still be his ffrindau.
It twists even more when Jim shrugs off Rys’s words. “I don’t know what that is, but it doesn’t matter. I’m glad you watched out for her while she was lost. Thanks—”
Rys jerks. “Don’t thank me.”
“—but I think I’ve got a handle on it now,” Jim adds, continuing as if he didn’t even notice Rys’s interruption—or reaction. “You said you could follow your… your touch to find Hel’s friend. You don’t need her anymore.” He turns to look at me again. “Come on. Let’s go.”
“Go where?”
“Anywhere else.”
What?
Okay. I’m nervous and I’m guilty, but I’m also starting to get a little annoyed that he’s just not understanding me when I at least did try to impress upon him how important this mission is. “Jim, stop it. You don’t really get what’s going on. Let me—”
“Later. I want to go. Come with me. Now, Hel.”
I dig in my heels. If he thinks I’m just going to come trotting after him like some kind of puppy, he’s got another think coming. I don’t care who it is. Veron. Rys. Jim. If there’s one thing I learned since I’ve been in Faerie it’s that I refuse to be someone’s pet.
And it’s not just being in Faerie. For a second, I feel like I’m back at our apartment. How many times did we have a scene just like this? With Jim leaning up against the doorway to our bedroom, me scowling and pacing and wondering why just this freaking once won’t he listen to me?
Too, too many.
This, I tell myself. This is precisely why there’s no going back. I might not be able to be with Rys the way I want to, but this is why I can’t just be Jim’s girlfriend again. I’ve grown over the last two and a half months and I’m not going to take being dismissed like this because he’s sure he knows best. And, okay, maybe it’s because he honestly believes that he’s looking out for me. I get that. For more than a decade, Jim’s always been there.
It was only once he wasn’t that I finally started to understand who Helen Andrews really was. And she’s not about to let any man tell her what she’s going to do, whether he’s human or fae.
“No.”
“Hel.”
“I said no, Jim. I’m finishing what I said I would do. I gave my word. I told you this. It’s not just about us. Stopping a war between the Summer and Winter Courts means saving any other humans who cross over from the Iron. I’m doing this.”
“Is it because of him?” Jim asks quietly.
We all know who the “him” is that he’s asking about.
I can’t answer that. Either it would be a lie or it wouldn’t be fair to Jim. He insisted on coming on this trip with us and, now that we’ve crossed into the Shadow Realm, it’s not like we can separate. It would be suicide, and no matter how conflicted I’m feeling at this moment, I know that I can’t let anything happen to Jim. If I broke down and told him the truth about everything, he’d leave. It’s backward and I’m totally trying to justify my deceptions, but I’m actually trying to protect him for once.
So, instead of answering him, I just say, “I can’t do this right now.”
I’m an idiot. I’ve forgotten that a relationship goes two ways: I’ve been with Jim since I was sixteen, but he’s been with me just as long. He knows me better than I know myself. Even if he’s just as responsible for the wall that’s been built up between us these last few years, that doesn’t mean he can’t see through my bullshit.
In the dark of the Shadow Realms, he’s finally seeing everything I’ve been struggling to hide since his unexpected arrival.
He points at me. “Choose.”
“What did you say?”
“Him or me. Choose.”
Choose.
The word echoes in my mind, triggering a memory that I immediately push back against.
