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I can’t believe I’m having this argument. This morning, when I woke up in the Acorn Falls cemetery, my only thought was where I was going to go next now that returning to the Wilkes House—and Carolina’s corpse—was abso-fucking-lutely impossible.
I’ve been running on empty ever since Rys found me sleeping next to Madelaine’s grave. Between the way I attacked him with the shovel, then my flight into Acorn Falls’ downtown for a stupid cup of coffee, to running from Dr. Gillespie and jumping into a portal that plopped me out in the Fae Queen’s garden… and now this… I’ve been two steps ahead of actually processing everything that’s happened to me in such a short time.
With Ash looming in front of me, Callie looking at me as if she still can’t come to grips with the truth that I’m their daughter… well, shit. It suddenly catches up.
And I lose it.
The edge of my vision goes dark, blackness creeping in. The room is spinning. I start gulping in great big mouthfuls of air. It feels shallow, like someone is squeezing my chest and I can’t fill my lungs up all the way. My ears are buzzing. My heart is thumping like mad.
The wave of panic crashes over my head. When it comes to the fight or flight reflex, I’ve always defaulted to one response.
I bolt.
Throwing the front door open, I run out of the apartment. I might’ve mumbled another excuse, something like I forgot ketchup packets or some shit like that, before I hoof it toward the elevator.
Anything to get out of there now.
I hear Callie call her mate’s name, then say, “No, I’ve got this,” before she bursts into the hall, closing the door behind her.
I’m not afraid of her. I’m not all that afraid of Ash, either—he’s my father and I’d like to believe that means something—but he’s fae. A Light Fae. A watered down version of the golden monster who haunted my dreams these last six years. When he starts making demands and decrees, his eyes lighting up like ember sparks in a dying fire, is it a surprise that he triggers my panic attacks?
But Callie… as she hurries after me, murmuring my name, I come to a halt. The urge to hide out in the elevator isn’t so bad when it’s just the two of us out here.
And then she says, “You have to forgive your father. I tried to explain to him everything you told me earlier. He’s used to time going by and humans growing in a blink of an eye. He’s Seelie… but you’re his daughter. He… we can’t believe that we missed you growing up.”
The panic is terrible.
The guilt? Even worse.
“That’s not my fault!” I’m shouting. I can’t help it. “I didn’t ask for this!”
“Sweetie, I know.”
I throw my hand out, gesturing with my glove toward the closed door. “I didn’t sign up to be the stupid Shadow. It’s ruined my fucking life. I’ve spent twenty years with the threat of the fae hanging over my head. No parents. Everyone I ever cared about left me. The only one who seemed to was Nine and now he’s g
one.”
Callie looks torn, like she doesn’t know what to say to that. I don’t blame her. Poor woman woke up from a twenty-year forced nap to find out that her precious baby is a wreck of an adult, that the world as she knows it is gone, and her mate is picking fights.
If I were in her shoes, I’d be praying for a trip back to the asylum. It’s too much to ask of anyone. I'm seconds away from losing it and I lived through it. Callie got tossed from the frying pan into the fire—and she’s looking over at me as if all she wants to do is make it all right.
It’s that look. That maternal look that I’ve been missing my whole life that shatters me.
“Why did you leave me?” I ask. My voice breaks but I can’t bring myself to care. No one else is around to hear it. “Why did you have to go?”
“Oh, sweetie.” Callie’s eyes glisten, the dark blue color—the same shade as mine—twinkling as she holds onto her tears. “That was the last thing I wanted to do. We knew that the Fae Queen would want to get to you sooner than later. We tried to be prepared. The iron in this building, keeping our home up high. The special wards. When they came, there was just enough time for two of us to get out. Me and my baby… me and you.”
Just like it’s only the two of us in the hallway now. Well, my dad, too, ‘cause fae hearing is amazing. He’s listening in on us. Bet.
I don’t care. I need to hear this.
I need to know.
“And… Aislinn?”
Her head tilts a little, as if surprised that I know his true name. She lets it slip by, though, as she tells me, “My Ash stayed behind to give us the chance to get free. I’d say he’s not an easy man to love, but we both know he’s not a man. The fae are different. He doesn’t mean to be so hard. He loves you.”
He doesn’t. He can’t.
