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“Yeah, sure,” he shrugged. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t worry from time to time, depending on what you were doing. But I know you can handle yourself and I’d support you while you did.”
Lara looked away, not wanting him to see her tears. But oh, God, she loved him so much. She had to take a deep breath, then another, before her eyes stopped burning and she could look back at him.
“Everything you just said, that’s how I feel, too.”
His eyes lit, then the light banked a little as he couldn’t quite believe her.
“You want to clarify?”
“That’s exactly how I feel about your job. You’re extremely well trained, you’re surrounded by an incredible team who are all focused on not only succeeding, but on covering each other while they do.” She lifted both hands as if to say, what else was there? “I’d miss you while you were away, of course. But the rest, I’m fine with it.”
He looked dumbstruck.
“You’re serious? You’re totally comfortable with my being a SEAL?” he asked, not sounding as if he could quite make himself believe her.
“Would you quit if I wasn’t?” She knew it was a mean question, but Lara couldn’t stop herself from asking.
From the look on his face, though, it wasn’t one Dominic wanted to hear. His grimace was pained as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn’t physically step away from her, but Lara felt the distance.
“I couldn’t,” he said quietly. “I can’t quit being who I am. I can’t turn my back on what I believe in.”
Lara was pretty sure she’d gotten teary eyed more times since he’d accosted her outside the casino than she had the entire rest of her life. She had to blink fast to keep the tears from falling.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, reaching out to lay his hand on her cheek. “I wish I could change that. It’s all I’ve thought about the past month. But I just can’t if I want to live with myself.”
“But that’s just it,” she said, sniffing. “I wouldn’t want you to. But you understand how hard it would be for me to give up my dreams, my goals, for you.”
His eyes narrowed before he closed them and groaned. “You walking out, that wasn’t really about me pushing you into meeting with your brother?”
“Well, a little. You have a habit of running roughshod over choices when you think you’re right.” She wrinkled her nose, knowing that wasn’t going to go away. But somehow, knowing it was because he cared—and dammit, because he was usually right—she figured she could live with it. “But it didn’t feel like you were giving me the support you, yourself, want.”
Looking disgusted with himself, Dominic shook his head.
“I wasn’t. I couldn’t get past the idea of you leaving long enough to see what I was doing, though. And if I had, I was still sure my career would be an issue.”
“It’s not,” she promised.
Lara wanted to dive into his arms. She wanted this to be finished now so they could get to the makeup sex. But as much as she wanted all of that, she wanted this to be a fresh start. That meant clearing up everything.
She grimaced.
“What?” Dominic asked, peering at her face.
“You said you thought I was using you to fill some deep-seated—and apparently deeply hidden—need for family. So I thought I’d better figure out if you were right.”
“I thought you said I was using that as an excuse,” he muttered.
“Oh, I still think that,” she told him. “But I don’t use people, so it bothered me that you thought I would. And I like your family and the experience I’d had with them enough to actually wonder if you were right. So I had to find out.”
“And?”
“And...” Lara’s voice trailed off.
This was hard.
She knew what she wanted. She knew she was strong enough to make it work. But it was still really, really hard to say it out loud.
She’d been on her own, unencumbered by family, for eight years.
They’d been lean years, filled with heartbreak, disillusionment, fear and a hand-to-mouth existence that sometimes still terrified her. But they’d been better than being Lara Banks, daughter of Randall and Ellen, sister to Phillip the perfect.
Now she knew who she was, and she knew what she wanted.
She wanted Dominic.
She took a deep breath, stepping back a little. Not far, just enough that she wasn’t touching him.
She needed a little space for this.
“And I found out that while you have a great family, I do have a family of my own. So as much as I enjoy yours, I don’t need them.”
