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“No,” I say quietly, a slight shake of my head. “I can’t eat.” I swallow, my throat raw from screaming and crying. “I can’t think. I can’t escape.”
I walk to him and place my hand over his, curl my fingers around his palm to stop him from buttoning his shirt. I stare up at him, searching his eyes as his shadowed eyes search mine.
“Fuck me,” I whisper.
He inhales sharply through his nose, a line etched between his brows, his pupils widening. “I can’t,” he eventually says, though his expression says otherwise.
“Tell me why.”
“Lenore…”
“Tell me,” I demand.
He closes his eyes, breathing in deeply. He slowly shakes his head, licks his lips. “I—”
“Don’t tell me you can’t again. Amethyst told me that you’ve slept with plenty of woman here in the city.”
“Amethyst,” he growls, looking away.
“Hey,” I say, reaching up and placing my fingers on his chin, making him look at me. This brings another flare to his nose, a curl to his lips. He doesn’t like to be directed, but I don’t fucking care. “If it’s me, then just tell me the truth. I can handle it.”
He swallows thickly, his eyes dropping to my lips. “It is you.”
“Oh.” My heart feels like Atlas stuck the blade all the way in.
I look down at my hands, curled possessively at his shirt. I don’t want to be this person, especially if I’m not what he wants.
I bring my hands away from him, feeling numb, turn to the door, needing yet another escape. Always running away.
He reaches out and grabs my elbow. “Wait,” he says sharply, his fingers digging into my skin. “Wait,” he says again, voice softer now.
He pulls me back to him, stares down at me with wild eyes, his jaw tight, breathing heavily. His grip tightens. “Not that it’s anyone’s business, especially not Amethyst’s, but the woman I sleep with don’t mean anything to me.” He inhales, forehead furrowed. “You mean something to me, Lenore. And that’s a problem.”
My heart has skipped a few beats already. “How is that a problem? You sleep with women you don’t respect, but you respect me and—”
“This isn’t about respect,” he says gruffly, pulling me to him until I’m pressed up against his chest, his other hand going to the small of my back. He fastens my body to his, until I feel every inch of how hard he is. “I respected those women too, believe it or not.”
“Then what is it about?” I ask in a hush, so confused.
He presses his lips together, frowning, his eyes looking haunted. “There’s more to me than you know, Lenore. There’s a part of me that could hurt you.”
“I know that. You’re a vampire.”
He closes his eyes and exhales heavily, his breath smelling like sweet wine.
“It’s not just that. There’s…a darkness that lives inside me. That’s been there for my w
hole life as I know it. A darkness that has led to madness and back again. A darkness that feeds a beast. I can’t risk unleashing that beast with you.”
When his eyes open again, I see more than just pain in their blue depths. I see a dark figure with claws, and big, wide black wings that blot out the sun. Something beautiful and horrifying. But I feel no fear.
I take my free hand and reach up, placing it against his cheek. “Then I will tame the beast.”
He stares at me, and from the intensity of his gaze, I can’t tell if he thinks I’m stupid or if he’s impressed. Then he takes my hand and brings it to his mouth, placing a long, soft kiss on the palm of my hand, eyes never breaking contact. It feels like a fuse being lit, igniting my blood, rushing up my veins to my heart.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” he whispers against my hand.
“I know I want you. There’s nothing else.”
