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My parents.
And Solon.
I bristle with fear. I picture Solon and I see the beast and my god, I hope it’s just a vampire outside there.
Then the smells get stronger, floorboards creaking, my mother says, “Is it her?” in a frantic voice and then the bedroom door opens.
I’m staring right into Solon’s eyes.
His shadowed, brilliantly blue eyes.
It’s him.
And yet the fear remains.
“Lenore,” he says, his voice low and raspy, my name breaking on his lips.
My heart feels torn in half. Part of it wants me to run to him, to wrap my arms around him, to feel the cool, softness of his skin, to be with the one I love.
But the other part keeps me where I am. The other part lives in fear. Fear that he might change at any moment. It doesn’t matter that my parents are there behind him, staring at me with worry and relief, that they could probably kill the beast. I don’t want him dead, but I’m scared of him just the same.
“Lenore,” he says again, and I feel him, feel the weight inside his chest, the guilt, the pain, the sorrow, and yet all I can do is throw up my hands and display my palms and say:
“Stay there.”
His expression crumbles like I’ve slapped him. “I won’t hurt you.”
I shake my head. “You might.”
“Lenore, sweetie,” my mother says, pushing around Solon. “Are you okay? What happened to you?”
I gather the robe tighter around me, knowing that all three of them would lose their fucking minds if they saw the wound.
She approaches me like I might run away, slowly, cautiously, but then she’s so close and I let go of the fear.
I throw my arms around her and she grasps me firmly, even though my chest burns from how tightly she’s holding me. All the tears I’ve managed to hold back throughout this whole thing are finally spilling over and I’m crying, bawling into her arms. Trauma upon trauma upon trauma, and the beast was my breaking point.
So, I cry, and eventually my father comes over and joins us, holds on, and I’m so very aware that Solon is still in the room, the smell of tobacco and roses lingering, though he stays in the doorway and doesn’t come any closer. I want him to leave, and yet I don’t know if he’ll go so easily. I can’t imagine the pain and guilt he must be feeling, to know that he became the beast. He must have seen the blood, he must have suspected he did something awful, even if he has no memory of it.
And yet I can’t reconcile that right now. Right now I’m falling apart, and I’ve been falling apart since the day I met him.
I’ll leave, Solon’s voice comes in my head. If you want me to.
I don’t know what I want, I answer him. It’s the truth.
I want him to go.
I want him to stay.
I want reassurance that he’ll never hurt me again, but I know he can’t promise that, and I know it breaks him as much as it breaks me.
“Sweetie, please,” my mother says, eventually pulling away and holding my face in her hands. “Tell us what happened to you. Absolon said he…”
“Hurt her,” Solon finishes, his voice grim. “I hurt her. I can smell her blood, old and dried.”
My mother looks at him over her shoulder then looks at me, her eyes skimming over the robe. “What happened? How did he hurt you?”
I look over at Solon, at the haunted look in his eyes.
Then I step back and open the robe, just enough to show the space between my breasts. The mark of his claws is still there, red and angry and unmistakable.
My father gasps in horror.
My mother cries out.
Solon looks like he’s dying on his feet, the pain on his face breaking my heart because I know he didn’t mean it, I know this wasn’t really him.
I quickly pull my robe closed, “I’m okay now,” I manage to say, but my mom is reaching into her pocket and pulling out the slayer’s blade and she’s flinging it across the room while she screams.
Solon is fast. I don’t see him move but I know he’s by the front door now, probably creating flames to escape, while the blade goes through the empty doorway and hits a cupboard in the kitchen.
“Elaine!” my father yells, reaching for her, wrapping his arms around her chest to hold her back while she kicks and screams. I’ve never seen my mother so angry before, and I can’t blame her. She sees the wound, the pain that Solon caused me, the one whom I was supposed to be safe with. She wants him dead. It was always against her nature to have let him live this long.
“Mom,” I plead. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“It’s not okay!” she yells at me, tears streaming down her face. “You’re in love with a monster. One that almost killed you.”
