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Finally, I let him go and he drops to his feet, coughing.
“Jesus, Solon. I thought you had manners.” He straightens up. “Something about how the Dark One promised him a queen, and I guess he thinks Lenore is the one he’s been waiting for.”
My eyes widen. All this time, I assumed that Skarde wanted to destroy Lenore because she had some kind of power to destroy him. Now I’m realizing that wasn’t the case at all. No, this is much, much worse.
“The old ones say,” Kaleid goes on, “that his queen would have black magic in her veins. Enough that she would move from light to dark and rule beside him. Skarde could harness that power, use it for destruction, if she didn’t give it willingly. At any rate, he could use her to breed. Create his new army that way.”
Yes. This is much, much worse.
11
Lenore
I can’t sleep.
I haven’t been able to sleep since the attack, since I’ve been back in my old bed. I toss and I turn and even if I close my eyes for a second, I see Solon’s transformation, see him turn into the beast. Sometimes the dream starts off sexual, like he’s inside me again, fucking me with cock and tail and I’m enjoying it just as I had. But then he changes before I’m about to come, he becomes the beast, and yet in some of my dreams, it’s still Solon. It’s still him and he hurts me, aims to kill me just the same. Like the beast and him are now one.
I roll over and stare at the statue of Pazuzu on my dresser, pretending for a moment that it’s a few months ago and life was easy. Back when I thought I was just a normal (ish) girl, with a normal life ahead of her.
But reality won’t let me pretend. I’m hungry and I’m tired and my heart has never felt heavier. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my parents, a good distraction, but I don’t feel safe with them—I know they can’t really protect me—and the only one I ever felt safe with is someone I now fear.
Yet, when I think of Solon, the man, the vampire I know and love, I don’t feel true fear. The fear is reserved for that dark part of him, the one he can’t control. That’s who I truly fear. I know that there is no escaping that part of him, that Solon is stuck, and that he is a package deal. If I want Solon in my life, I have to deal with the beast as well.
There just has to be a way to get around this. Cutting him out of my life won’t work—he is my life. If I possess the power to create non-feral vampires, why can’t I figure out how to get rid of the beast? Jeremias was able to make him sleep with a wave of his hand. Can’t he teach me how to do that, at the very least?
I get out of bed, my blood pumping with determination.
I head out to the kitchen, wondering if I should eat something before I attempt this, and my stomach growls in response. Then I head down the hall to the front door and open it, peering out into the street, expecting to see Solon, wanting to tell him my plan.
He’s been here every single night, as soon as it gets dark. He’s there waiting in the shadows, smoking his cigars. He doesn’t speak to me, he doesn’t come in the house. Doesn’t even try to reach me through his brain telepathically. He’s been staying away, out of sight out of mind, as if that works so easily with us.
But I know he’s been here. It’s been a comfort, to be honest. To know that no matter what I said to him, that we needed space, that he gave me that space but also refused to leave my side. I don’t know if he’s doing it because he’s possessive or protective or both, but I’ve been very aware of his presence at all times.
Except, he’s not here. I look both ways and gently call out “Solon?” but there’s no answer. I don’t smell him either. It just smells like exhaust and dog piss.
Well, fuck. Where did he go? I know my parents have been squabbling about him being out there for the last few days, maybe he had enough of them or they really laid down the guilt trip or something.
I close the door, locking it multiple times, and try to think. I can’t imagine something bad happening to Solon, but still. I don’t have my phone on me—it’s back at the house—but my parents have one and they have his number.
I almost turn around and knock on my parents door, even though it’s three in the morning, then change my mind. Solon has to be fine. He’s always fine. Even when he’s a beast, he’s fine.
