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“He ripped my dress open and forced my legs apart,” she said, thinking of the lovely lilac lace gown she’d been wearing that night. She’d been so proud of it when she left the house—she’d felt like a princess.
When she’d come back home that night, she felt like a whore. Less than a whore.
“I tried to get away,” she told Liosh. “I was scared—terrified. But he wouldn’t let me go until…until he got what he came for.” She ran a trembling hand through her hair. “It hurt so bad I screamed and screamed—but I was gagged, of course. So no one heard. No one came. Jason slapped me and spit on me and laughed at me when I cried. He told me he had the right to do anything he wanted to me—he told me I asked for it.” Her robot voice was wavering now, breaking down. But still she kept talking. “When he was done, the sheets were all bloody. Some of it was because it was my first time. But…but not all of it, I don’t think.” She shook her head as Liosh squeezed her hand convulsively.
“Oh, Talli…” His voice was thick with pain.
“He let me go to clean myself up,” Melli said. “And he kept reminding me over and over that I’d given him consent—that I had asked him to…to fuck me.” The word tasted ugly in her mouth. She looked away. “And I believed him. I didn’t think I had the right to say anything just because I’d said yes earlier. I know now how wrong that was, but back then I was so young and I just…just had no idea.”
“Melinda…” Liosh shook his head, clearly not knowing what to say.
“He wore a condom, so at least I didn’t have to worry about being pregnant,” Melli heard herself tell him. “Of course, as it turned out, I never had to worry about being pregnant again.”
“What?” Liosh looked at her in undisguised horror. “Did he injure the inside of you that badly? Did he hurt your womb?”
“No—nothing like that.” Melli shook her head. “But the next time I had my period I tried to put in a tampon and, well…” She shrugged her shoulders. “I couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry—a what?” Liosh looked confused.
She explained briefly about tampons.
“They’re only the size of a finger—the ones I use, anyway. Well, used to use. But when I tried to put one in, it was like everything down there just clenched up.”
She made a fist to show him what she was talking about.
“That’s not surprising,” Liosh said gently. “The body remembers trauma.”
“Well, mine can’t forget it, no matter what I do.” Melli sighed. “The rape was years ago and I’ve had so much therapy since then. I don’t hate myself anymore—I don’t even hate Jason. I had to let go of that in order to heal—though of course the healing process is different for everyone.”
“I hate him,” Liosh growled. “How could he treat such a beautiful, innocent little female in such a shameful way? Such evil should be punished.”
“I just never want to see him again,” Melli said. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do if I did.” She shivered.
“But in the meantime, he left you with lasting trauma,” Liosh said, it wasn’t a question.
Melli nodded.
“He did. I can’t…can’t open up down there. Not for anything. It’s a condition called ‘vaginismus’—‘an involuntary contraction of muscles around the opening of the vagina in women with no abnormalities in the genital organs. The tight muscle contraction makes sexual intercourse or any sexual activity that involves penetration painful or impossible,’” she quoted. “That’s literally what it says when you Google it.”
“So you tighten up whenever you, uh, try to…”
“Put anything at all in my vagina,” Melli finished for him. “And believe me, I’ve tried to fix it. Those things you found under my bed this morning? They’re called dilators. The idea is that you start with the smallest one and gradually work your way up to the biggest—which is supposed to be the size of a normal human-sized penis.” She looked at Liosh directly. “But I’ve heard all the rumors about the Kindred—about how all you guys are hung like horses.”
“We are larger than human males in every way,” Liosh admitted, frowning. “So the dilators didn’t help?”
Melli shook her head.
“I couldn’t even get the smallest one inside me. It hurt too much so I stopped.” She looked at him appealingly. “So do you see now why we can never be together? You told me yourself that in order to bond with me, you’d have to be all…all the way inside me, making love to me while you bit me and injected your essence.” She shook her head. “That’s never going to be possible, Liosh. It’s just not.”
To her surprise, the big Kindred didn’t immediately agree with her. Instead, he bowed his head and appeared to be deep in thought for a long moment. At last he looked up at her.
