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It's business first, family second for most of the Benton family. It was the same for me at one point. My priorities changed, as have my allegiances.
Crew is the closest thing I have to a brother. I respect his relationship with his dad, but I don't huddle on the sidelines with the two of them anymore.
"The more time I spend with Ellie, the more I realize that she's nothing like Kip."
I'm caught off guard by the words. I glance at him. His face is impassive. There's nothing readable there. To him, Kip was just a girl who lived on the street a decade ago. The first time he tagged along when I took her a sandwich he introduced himself as Jeff. It was just one of the many names he used back then to keep girls from tracking him down after he'd had his fill of them.
He saw her only a handful of times. She was always wearing a black knit cap I'd given her pulled down over her forehead. Their conversations were consistently one-sided with Crew telling her stories about his adventures in Paris the summer before we met her.
He's given me shit repeatedly since then about my inability to forget about her. Even though he continually reminds me that he can't recall the barest details about her, he still weighs in whenever I ask him to.
When we knew Kip, he used to joke that my ongoing interest in her was all about the driving need to be her first. The thought churned my stomach. She was an innocent. Her trust in me wasn't currency I'd use to barter anything from her, especially that part of her soul.
I didn't want her that way. I couldn't imagine her that way. She was too young, and I was too lost in the grief of my grandmother's death that winter to see straight. I saw someone who needed help when I looked at Kip, and I know she saw the same in me.
"They're different," I agree. "Personality wise they are nothing alike. I still think Ellie looks like Kip."
He shakes his head. "I don't see it. I've always said that Kip was close to our age. I know you think she was younger but you're wrong, pal."
How do you gauge someone's age when they're thin and frail because they go to bed hungry every night? Skin is deceptive when it's burnt from the bitterly cold winds of a nor'easter. I asked Kip how old she was, but like every other question, an answer never came. It didn't matter to me. It didn't change a thing between us. We were unlikely friends, but for those two months, it worked for us.
"Besides," he continues without any prompt from me, "Ellie would have recognized you by now, pal. If she were Kip she'd know you were Rigs."
Trauma has a way of distorting memories. I should know. I cling to vague images of Kip's face that morph into something different every time I see a woman I think might be her.
"What's on your agenda today?" I easily change the subject. I'm not going to debate the topic of Kip with Crew again. We've done it too often with no resolution. It's always felt like we're digging up the past with two very different shovels.
"I'm doing that marketing meeting at nine," he says, his gaze skimming the screen of his phone. "I'm booked for lunch with my brother, and I'm dedicating my afternoon to chasing down the chemist who is working on that new mascara we want to launch in the spring."
It's a typical day for Crew. Since we graduated from college, he's had a high ranking position waiting for him in a tower across town that bears the Benton name. Still, he took a seat next to me when I inherited Matiz.
I'm not a fool. I know that eventually during one of the weekly lunches he has with his brother, Kade, he'll make the decision to jump the Matiz ship to work alongside his family. I'm preparing for that eventuality by bringing new people on board at a steady clip. I don't want to miss a beat when he finally takes the plunge.
"You still up for going to Club Aeon tonight?" He glances at me. "We can head out late. Eleven works for me, and it gives you time at home after you break free of this place."
"I'm clocking out at noon today. I'll spend the afternoon at home. I have a date tonight, so you're flying solo to the club."
"With Ellie?"
I run a hand over my tie to straighten it. "We're having dinner together."
"What if it turns into something?" He studies me. "I've seen you around her. You're different. Your dick's not driving this thing. It's more."
It is more. I don't know what it is. I can't tell if I'm infatuated with her or if this is awe. It could be pure lust with a side of admiration. I have no fucking idea what I'm feeling. All I know is that tonight I'll be sitting across a table from Ellie with the intention of going back to her place so I can sink my cock into that beautiful body.
"It's just a dinner, Crew."
He rises to his feet. "Don't let this get ahead of you. If this goes somewhere, you need to sit Ellie down and explain a few things to her."
I know exactly what he's talking about. The reminder is not only unwelcome. It's unnecessary. "I've got it covered."
As I watch him exit my office, I look down at my left hand and the fading message on my palm.
I didn't see it when I showered because I was too busy daydreaming about how Ellie looked last night. I was so engrossed in what I wanted to say during my call to London that I didn't notice it when I was getting dressed.
I see it now. I feel it now.
She was fast asleep when I got home last night so she must have written it early this morning when she crawled into bed with me. The light from the attached bathroom was filtering into my bedroom through the door I'd left ajar to offer her a safe path in case she needed me.
