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I didn't bring up my conversation with Nolan until this morning because I wanted the night to think. I appreciate Adley's opinions but sometimes I have to give myself time to process things before I ask her to weigh in.
"I'll clean it up before I go in." I turn to the side and lean my hip against the yellowed laminate countertop. "Would you date a man who could never have a child?"
"He has a child." She taps the spoon against the side of the ceramic bowl. The sound that emanates from it punctuating what she just said. "He has a daughter. That means that if you two get serious, you'll be a stepmom to his kid and never a mom to your own kids."
I realize that. I've been thinking about it all night. "He had a good reason to have the vasectomy. I understand why he did it, but it's so final."
"Not necessarily." She steps into the bathroom, resting the empty bowl on the counter next to me. "A skilled surgeon can reverse a vasectomy. It doesn’t always work but there's a good chance."
There's a good chance if the man wants that. Nolan made it clear that May is the only child he sees himself having. It sounded like a non-negotiable point to me. "I'm worrying way too much about this. I haven't known him for that long, Ad. We haven't been dating that long."
She picks up my hairbrush and taps it against her palm. "If that were true, you wouldn't look like you haven't slept a wink, Ellie. You like this guy and he just dropped a life bomb on you. It's okay to question if this is right for you. The more time you spend with him, the more chance you'll fall hard and then what will you do?"
"I'll cross that bridge if I get to it." I tug the brush away from her and run it through my hair. "I can have fun with Nolan and not fall hard. I know I can do that."
She moves so she's standing right behind me, her face peeking out over my shoulder in the mirror. "You're already falling for him. Watch your heart, Ellie. You only have one and it's already been broken."
***
"The heart on your palm is more heart shaped than the last one." I gesture toward his left hand. "Your daughter has some major talent."
He smiles as he flips his hand over revealing his colorful palm. "She cracked open the entire marker package this morning and immortalized Barney on my hand. I didn't have the heart to wash it off before I came in."
I don't think I would have either if any of my nieces did that to my hand. Not only is there a heart drawn in blue ink near his thumb, there's also a pink square shaped happy face with two triangles on top that I assume are ears. On each of his fingertips are letters written in a kaleidoscope of colors. B A R N E.
"She ran out of space for the Y?" I ask with a grin.
"May's determined." He wiggles the index finger of his right hand in front of me. "Here's the Y."
"How's she doing?" I look over at where Eda is shuffling through a pile of magazines. She was the one who came down to the store to tell me that Crew wanted to see me. Once I got up to the floor where the executive offices are, I spoke to him about my update on employee theft and when I turned to leave his office, Nolan was waiting for me.
"She's coming to terms with Barney's death." He motions to the two chairs in front of his desk. "We can sit if you have the time."
I'm on his dime right now, so I make the time. I sit and cross my legs while he shoots Eda a look. She scurries out of his office, the door clicking shut quietly behind her.
"I thought about you all night, Ellie." He lowers into the chair next to me. "I know that you didn't expect to hear what I told you last night. It had to have been a shock to you."
"It was." I sigh with a faint shake of my head. "I don't know what I expected you to say about Shelby. I never thought you'd tell me that May is the only child you'll ever want."
"Until I saw May I didn't want any children," he confesses. His hand grips the arm of the chair. "Once I saw her I knew that my heart didn't have room for another. It's May for me."
I don't know what my heart has room for. Maybe it's a foster child. Maybe it's a son I'll have with the man I marry. Maybe it's a girl named May who belongs to a man I can't stop thinking about.
"I want you to meet her, Ellie." He leans back in the chair, his shoe tapping on the floor. "I'm not going to push you to do it soon, but you'll like her. She'll like you. When you're ready, you just give me the word and I'll set it up."
I smile with a silent nod of my chin. I'm not ready. I'm not sure when I'll be but I am one hundred percent sure that I'm not ready to walk away from Nolan just yet.
Chapter 40
Nolan
"I had no idea you still owned this place." Crew stands in the foyer of the apartment Ellie coined as my shoebox. I didn't share that tidbit with him. I won't. That's something that I want to exist between only Ellie and me.
"He gave it to me on my twenty-first birthday. I can't sell it."
I don't have to define who he is. Crew knows. My grandfather handed me the keys to this apartment the day I turned twenty-one. I didn't appreciate it at the time. I thanked him but not in the way I should have. I knew the gift was coming. He'd given my sister, Sarah, a one bedroom in Chelsea on her twenty-first birthday. It was two years prior to the day I got my keys. I hugged him, looked at the views and then took off to hit a string of bars with my friends.
I christened the place later that night with a woman I can't remember. I nailed her on the foyer floor. Our clothes were a twisted mess as we went at each other while we were both still riding the high of the tray of tequila shots we'd shared.
