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I glance at the clock on the wall behind his head. It's after six. I can leave any time after four but on this Monday, the mindless haze of doing anything but sitting in my apartment has been my goal. I have to face my reality, in the form of Noah, now. "I can leave now."
"Let's go downstairs to the diner." He motions towards my office door. "I'll buy you an early dinner."
The thought of food itself is enough to make my stomach recoil. I haven't eaten more than a few bites of an apple since I woke up yesterday. Food, sleep and functioning normally are all out of my reach. "I'll just watch you eat."
"You'll eat." His hand grazes over my shoulder as I walk next to him towards the bank of elevators. The offices are silent. Vivian and everyone else left for the day with quiet goodbyes hours ago. I know they could sense I wasn't in the mood for idle chitchat.
"I'm not hungry." Arguing such an unimportant point seems futile. I know Noah well enough to know that it's easier to acquiesce to what he wants, especially if it's something this mundane.
He looks down at me, his eyes raking over my face. "You look tired. Did you sleep last night?"
Normally if a man made a remark like that, I'd be offended but I've seen what I look like in the mirror. I hadn't slept. I had replayed my time in Parker's apartment over and over again in my mind all last night. I haven't spoken to him or Ben since. I'm not sure I ever will again. "I didn't sleep much."
"You'll sleep better tonight." His hand is on my lower back as he steers me into the elevator car. "We have a lot to talk about."
He's right. We do. I have to tell him that even though I've spent weeks trying to convince him that Ben is a good person, that I was wrong. I have to tell him that I gave him false hope right before his wedding to Alexa. I have to confess that I was blinded by Ben's charm and sensual persuasion. To put it simply, I have to admit that I fucked up royally and pulled both him and Alexa right into the heart of the mess.
We ride the elevator in silence before I follow him through the lobby of the building and out into the streets of lower Manhattan. Working in a building on Wall Street fueled me when I first came to this city months ago, but now, since I've returned post Parker break-up, I've felt out of place. The people who work here are in control of their lives. I don't belong here. I don't belong in Boston anymore either.
"There's a place down the street we can eat at." He motions to the left and I nod.
I feel as though I'm a pirate walking the plank for stealing a bounty that never belonged to her. I took things from Noah that I shouldn't have. I exposed fragments of him that he wanted hidden. I saw the vulnerable parts of his heart that are only reserved for Alexa.
We enter the bustling eatery and instantly I'm assaulted with the rumbling din of the crowd in the small space. I wish I had insisted on Noah taking me home. At least there, I can find my center enough that I can confess without having to raise my voice just to be heard.
"Over there." He gestures towards an empty table near the back of the eatery. It's small and pushed into a corner but at the very least it will offer some solace from the noise. I follow him, running the first words that I want to say to him through my mind. I want to soften the blow if that's even possible.
"I've never been here," I say quietly as we sit next to each other. I haven't. I typically don't eat more for lunch than a piece of fruit or a salad I've brought from home. I've heard about the homemade soup here from Vivian. I know, without a doubt, that if they didn't deliver, I'd be racing down here on a daily basis to grab her lunch for her.
"You only sent me back one text when you were in Boston." His eyes search the expansive menu. "I was worried about you."
I'm touched by his concern. Before I left for Boston he'd confided that he liked hanging out with me. I felt as though we were finding our way into a trusted friendship. It meant a lot at the time because of our combined connections of Alexa and Ben. Now, I feel like a fraud for still wanting that. I don't have any close friends beyond Alexa. Having Noah in my corner too meant more than I was willing to admit to him or to myself.
The waitress appears out of nowhere rattling off an impressive list of daily specials. I opt for the soup of the day and Noah settles on a fish and chips platter. After taking our orders, she's gone back into the crowd in a flash.
"Your ex-boyfriend is an asshole."
My eyes jump from the worn and chipped wooden table to his face. "What did you just say?"
"That guy, Parker, he's an ass." He cocks a brow as if he's waiting for confirmation.
Alexa must have told him about my break up and now he's assuming that I saw Parker when I was in Boston. It's an assumption anyone would leap to. I can't deny that if Ben wasn't in the picture, and I wasn't in search of my long lost damage deposit, that I wouldn't have wanted to meet up with Parker. I needed the closure last Saturday had given me. I just hadn't realized it until I walked out of his apartment.
"He's an ass, yes," I confirm with a sly smile. "I'm not sure what I ever saw in him."
"Happiness," he offers as he takes a sip of the water in front of him. "You moved back to Boston to be with him a few months ago. You must have cared a lot about him."
"I did." There's a bite of pleasure as I use the past tense. "I don't care about him anymore."
His eyes waft over the table next to us before they settle back on my face. "I'm glad. He really hurt you."
"Alexa told you how he left me." I can't meet his eyes. I'm afraid I'll cry. I thought I was over the pain of Saturday, but now, talking about Parker again has brought everything that I heard between him and Ben back to the surface.
I sense him moving forward as I hear the table creak beneath the weight of his elbows. "Alexa didn't tell me, Kayla. Ben did."
Chapter 6
I opened my mouth to respond just as the waitress showed up with our food. It's a diner. I should have expected that it wouldn't take more than a couple of minutes for her to return. The entire philosophy of the place is fast food. I take one look at the murky darkness of my soup and decide that my stomach will thank me later if I don't indulge. Noah dives into his food with full force, taking mouthful after mouthful with barely a chew in between. His mannerisms almost match Ben's each movement, as he ate lunch in front of me in a bistro not more than a few weeks ago.
