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"I know that she does, Lex." I reach for her hand. "You've known her a lot longer than you've known me."
"That's part of it, I guess." She twirls her index finger over the fingernail of my thumb. "It's more about how strong you are. I admire that about you."
She's never shared that with me. We've complimented each other the way close friends do when one is feeling battered by the world. I did it when she had her heart broken in Paris by Beck, an artist who had swept her off her feet and into his bed. She'd done it for me when I was passed over for an internship during my junior year of college. She was ready to march down to the office of the company I wanted a placement with to give them a speech about why they were making a mistake they'd regret. We've always had each other's backs. It goes without saying.
"Noah told me about what happened at your apartment in Boston the other day." Her hands leap in unison to her chest. "Kayla…" her voice stalls as tears fill her eyes.
"No, Lex, don't." I reach up to cover her hands with my own. "I was okay. I handled it."
She shakes her head from side-to-side so violently her earrings crash softly against her neck. "You were there all alone after that. I would have come. You should have called me."
"I needed time to process it all," I say quietly. I really did. I needed the silent solace that my own company brought me. I needed that yesterday too. That's why I turned off my phone before I headed back to the airport and I didn't turn it back on until this morning. I wanted my own selfish way to escape the overwhelming pain I was feeling after listening to Parker and Ben talk about me.
"Noah is waiting for us in the other room." She stands and runs her hands over the smooth lines of her pencil skirt. "We'll help you through this together."
I take her outstretched hand in mine, pull myself off the bed and follow her towards the understanding I need.
***
"Ben told you that?" I inch forward on the edge of the comfortable leather chair I sat in when Alexa and I joined Noah in their expansive living room.
Noah leans back, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind Alexa. "He said it."
"Do you think he meant it?" I'm not sure where the question comes from other than a curious need to know. Noah isn't the person to ask about the intention behind Ben's words. The two haven't spoken more than a few times in the past decade. The fact that they spent more than an hour together yesterday isn't helping me in my belief that Noah doesn't know Ben much better than I do.
He looks at Alexa before he pulls his gaze back to my face. "I think he meant it."
"Ben actually told you he cared that much about me?" I'm mincing words because repeating back what Noah just said to me is overwhelming.
He moves Alexa's hair back from her face before he runs his finger over her cheek. "Ben told me that he's never been in love, Kayla. He told me that he's feeling things for you he's never felt for any woman before."
It's impacting me in a way I don't want it to. "Noah…I mean, Alexa…" I stammer, trying to find a starting point. "When you found out that I was seeing Ben, you told me he wasn't good for me."
"Noah did say that," Alexa jumps in as she rests her hand on his thigh. "Things have changed since then."
"I've only ever been in love once," I offer as much to remind myself as them. "Parker's love was toxic. I never really mattered to him. I think I was just filling in his time. I was his go-to when no one else wanted him."
Alexa's bottom lip quivers as she listens intently to what I'm saying. Sympathy isn't my end goal. I don't want that from either of them. I'm done feeling sorry for myself too, but I'm cautious. I have to be. If I jump off the cliff of uncertainty that I'm perched on and fall into the belief that Ben is feeling intense things for me, I'm just setting myself up for another emotional fall. I can't do that. I'm still nursing the wounds Parker gave me.
"I think Parker loved you, Kayla." Alexa leans forward a bit to make her point. "I think he really wanted you back when he asked you to move back to Boston."
"It doesn't matter anymore," I say it with a small smile. "I know that Parker is my past. I also know that I heard things that he said to Ben and I still don't understand it all."
"Kayla." Noah grabs tightly to Alexa's hand, pulling it into his lap. "Ben explained all of that to me."
"Tell me," I push quickly. "I want to understand it, Noah. I need to."
He nods before his eyes dart to Alexa's. "Parker was caught up in something with some g
irl named, Elsie."
It's still only been two days since I first heard Parker share her name with me. Hearing it come from Noah's lips is surreal. "Ben told you that?"
His jaws tenses. "He said that Parker talked about her non-stop for hours the first night they met. They hung out at a bar by your place getting wasted together."
"I still can't believe they met on the street in front of my place." I don't mention it for any reason other than to reiterate what I've been feeling internally. "Ben didn't come over to my place a lot."
"Ben said he left your place that night because you wanted to tell Alexa about him and he freaked. He thought he'd lose you right then."
