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I do. "Happy now?"
His expression is torn. His brow is furrowed, his mouth a firm line. "I fucked up when I told Drew that I fucked your sweet little body, but…" the words trail away as his hand runs up my leg. "I can't contain what I feel. Fucking you is my sweet heaven. Nothing has ever felt like that to m
e. I fucked up when I said it, but I meant it. You want me. You've always wanted me."
"You don't know what I want." I need to get out of here. I have to get away from him before I give in again.
"You can run away but I'll always find you."
My body tenses as his hand inches up my thigh. A slow moan escapes my lips. "Stop," I say it, trying to make it sound genuine.
"You want me to stop?" His hand doesn't follow his mouth's suggestion. His finger skirts against the soft silk of my black panties. "I need to touch you. I've been aching inside for weeks."
"Stop." My hand bolts to cover his. "Stop now."
His eyes search mine before they rest on my lips. "You want me to stop? Jessica, say it again."
"Don’t touch me." I push against him wanting to get myself up into at least a semi put together state. "Stop touching me."
He pulls himself to his feet and stares down at me sprawled on my back. He'd embraced me the moment I arrived and pushed me down without any resistance. He knew then that I'd give in to him. He knows instinctively that my body craves his too. He senses that I have no resolve when it comes to him.
"I want you." The words are meant to be simple. They should convey a direct need, a desire and a want. Coming out of Nathan's mouth they carry so much weight. They mean more than I can handle.
"You said you'd never lie to me." I push myself up until I'm sitting. "You lied about Drew."
He paces in front of me. "That's bullshit, Jessica. I didn't lie to you about him. I told you to stay away from him because he's fucked up."
"You should have told me." My voice is loud, almost too loud for this space. Everything is racing full speed ahead to the surface now. "You fucking should have told me you bet on my body, you asshole."
"Don't call me that," he spits the words at me. "Don't call me names, Jessica. You'll regret it."
"How?" I want to stand but I know all my energy is pulled into my emotions at the moment. "How will I regret it? You'll stop harassing me? That's not a bad thing, Nathan."
Before I can react he's sitting next to me. "I can't stop. Fuck, Jessica. You think this is something I can turn off?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what? Wanting you?" His face is rigid as he asks the questions. "Everything in my life is about you now. Everything. I fucked up. I get that. You can't throw me away because I'm not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, Jessica. Everyone."
"You let me work with him." I push the subject. "I don’t understand that."
"Understand what?" He's pulling on my hands, trying to capture them within his. "You want to be a chef. I want that for you."
I inch back on the couch trying to gain some distance. "You should have told me he was such an asshole."
"Christ, Jessica." He pulls himself closer to me again. "You think I knew how completely fucked he was? I would have killed him if I knew he was harassing you. I would have literally wrapped my hands around his neck and choked the life out of that asshole."
"You knew he was chasing after me." I'm not going to let him drop this and pretend it's not important. "You saw him with me at the bar. You came to my apartment when I was going on a date with him. Wait." I stop myself when I realize that he always showed up whenever Drew was there.
"You were following me." I bolt to my feet. "Jesus, Nathan. You've been following me all along."
"Jessica." He hangs his head in his hands. "No. Jessica, no."
"Why were you always right there?" My hands are trembling so hard I have to fist them together just to control the shaking now coursing through my entire body.
"I'm not always right there." His tone is different. There's something vulnerable there. A small crack. "It wasn't me."
"Nathan, please." I'm almost sobbing now." Please, Nathan, please."
