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I reach forward to kiss his forehead. "I really needed this. I'm glad you came home early."
"Me too." He folds a white cardigan before placing it in the small suitcase that's opened on my bed. "After being clit teased like that, you need to blow off some steam."
I smile softly. "Clit teased? Is that what we're going to call it?"
"I call it like I see it." He holds up a peach colored blouse. "Do you want to take this?"
I shudder at the sight of that. "Throw that one in the donation pile. My mother sent me that last year as a birthday gift. I told her once, when I was seven-years-old, that peach was my favorite color. She's never forgotten."
"Moms make it their job to remember things like that." He tosses the shirt onto a small pile of clothes on the floor. "When is she coming to visit? I can't wait to meet her."
"She usually comes around the holidays." I hold up a navy blazer. "Do you think I need to take this?"
"I think you can get away with a skirt and blouse for the meeting or," he begins before he marches across the room to my walk-in closet. "I'd wear this to the meeting if I was you, or if I was a woman."
I glance up at the light blue dress he's holding in his hand. "I like that one. How did you know I had that? I don't think I've worn it since you've moved in."
"I pick up your dry cleaning sometimes." He pulls the dress from the hanger before rolling it neatly and placing it in the suitcase. "I checked out your wardrobe."
"I like that," I whisper. I do like it. I like having someone close who wants to take care of me. It's not that I'm not completely capable of taking care of myself. I am, but the knowledge that someone is there, to pick up my dry cleaning or help me pack, means a lot to me.
"We can talk about Caleb." He doesn't look up from the suitcase. He's busying his hands with moving the articles of clothing around to make more room. "I know it stings."
What happened in Caleb's apartment doesn’t just sting. It bites through to my core. I'd taken the subway back to my place after I'd left his building. I'd texted Ivy first wanting to melt into the arms of my best friend. I needed an outlet and listening to her talk about her family and what's going on in her shop, would have stolen my thoughts away from Caleb. It may have only been a temporary escape, but that's all I need.
She hadn't responded so I'd called Graham who was out for dinner with a friend of Libby's. I'd insisted he not hurry home but when he heard the brittle emotion in my voice, he promised he'd be waiting in our apartment, with chocolate and a shoulder to lean on.
"He wanted me." I feel a blush race over my face when I say the words. "I'm not being egotistical, Graham. I mean he said he wanted to fuck me."
His chin dips up so our eyes meet. "You told him that you wanted him too?"
"I did," I mutter wishing with everything that I am, that I hadn't. "I thought it was my chance to be brutally honest so I put it all out there."
"Put it all out there?" He straightens, resting his hand on his hip. "What exactly did you say to him?"
When I said those intimate words to Caleb it came from a place of desperate want. I'd never once blatantly told a man I wanted to suck his cock. I've never used the word 'fuck' with a man either. I haven't hidden my longing for the men I've been with, but it's always been shielded behind a veil of timidity. The thought of letting all of my inhibitions loose was tempered in the past by the knowledge that I'd have to face the man the next day. With Caleb it's different. I wasn't ashamed of my primal desire for him. I owned it and look what it got me.
"Rowan?" Graham rifles through my drawer pulling out a pair of silver earrings. "I'll put these in the side pocket. You'll remember they're there, right?"
I nod sheepishly. "I told him I wanted to suck him off and that I wanted him to…you know…I just went for it and told him I wanted him to fuck me."
Both of his brows pop up as he leans back against the dresser, crossing his legs at the ankle. "You're telling me that you threw yourself at him, while you were wearing that killer dress and the man turned you down?"
"You're making me sound pathetic," I say half-jokingly. "He wanted me. I could tell that he did but he kept talking about our friendship and hurting me."
"You think it was just an excuse? Do you honestly think he made that up to avoid having sex with you?"
It's so straightforward and simple that I have to stop and think about my answer. "I thi
nk he believes that he'll hurt me if we cross the line from friends to lovers. Caleb needs me as a friend."
He scratches the top of his head, which causes his hair to fall down into his eyes. He brushes it away with a swipe of his hand. "If a guy tells you straight up that he's bad news, you have to believe him. Stay away from him, Rowan. If he says he'll hurt you, he means it."
Chapter 30
I rest my head into the uncomfortable airport lounge chair as I reread the text message conversation I just had with Gabriel. After Graham had helped me pack, he'd given me a sweet kiss on the cheek and literally tucked me into bed last night. I woke at six to find a note on the kitchen table from him. He'd prepared a fruit salad for me to take with me and there was a car service waiting outside the building to whisk me to the airport. If I didn't consider Graham a close friend before last night, all of that has shifted.
I'd texted Gabriel in the car to tell him that I was taking him up on the offer to stay at the Foster house in the Hamptons for the weekend. I was mildly surprised when he texted me back immediately. My own sleep has been sporadic since Asher's been missing so I'm not shocked that Gabriel was wide awake just after six. He promised me he'd let me know the minute he hears from Asher and I made the same promise in return.
