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Breathtaking? I'd never describe myself that way. I'm not the type of person to stand exposed in front of a full-length mirror so I can find fault with the parts of me that others may not deem perfect. I've always embraced who I am. I like my body and I've never shied away from sharing it with a man when I feel close to him.
I've been with men who've told me that I'm pretty, cute and even adorable. I dated a guy in college who never failed to mention that he loved blondes, but there was something irresistible about me. I grabbed tightly to those words until I caught him in his dorm room with a blonde.
I don't need a man's approval. That's not what I'm looking for. I am looking for a man who appreciates me exactly the way I am.
"Why are you staring at yourself in the mirror?" My roommate, Graham, pops into view behind my reflection. "You're not going to tell me that you're getting a boob job, are you?"
That's the reason I live with him. Ivy had introduced me to Graham the day after I met her. He used to work for the jewelry company that commissioned Ivy's pieces before she ventured out on her own. After leaving New York to pursue his happily-ever-after dream in Seattle with his husband, Graham and landed back here while in the midst of a nasty divorce. He needed a friend and a place to stay. I needed the other half of the rent when my last roommate left without notice. It was a match made in renter's heaven and within the past few months, Graham and I have become close friends.
"You don't think they're big enough?" I turn to face him, jutting my chest out towards him. "Most guys like them."
His eyes settle on the front of my white tank top. "You're not wearing a bra. Doesn't that usually mean your tits are too small if you can wear a shirt like that without a bra?"
I glance down at the tank and the black yoga shorts I put on after I got home from having dinner with Ivy. "It means my bra was too tight."
"I wouldn't change a thing about you." He waves his hand in the air between us. "If I was straight, you'd totally be my type."
"You know that's not true," I counter. "If you were straight, Ivy would be your type."
He twists his lips into a mock scowl. "Ivy is a cute litt
le thing, isn't she?"
I nod. "Are you taking off?"
"I'm heading to a club with some friends." He adjusts the buttons of the front of his light blue shirt. "I need to start getting out there again."
He does. I've listened to Graham share the painful details of how his marriage crumbled. He puts on a brave face but I hear him pacing the floors at night. I know that his mind is constantly in high gear. Giving up on a lost love is never easy and for Graham the journey is especially painful since he gave up everything he had here to forge a new life in another state. Sacrifice is romantic until the only payoff is a broken heart and endless pain.
"Have fun." I reach forward to embrace him. "Be careful."
"I love that you worry about me." He brushes his lips against my cheek. "I worry about you too."
"I'm fine." I pull back to look up and into his eyes. "Everything is good in my world."
"Caleb Foster was here earlier." He leans forward so his forehead rests against mine, his brown hair falling into his blue eyes. "He really wanted to talk to you."
"When?" I pull back to look directly at his face. "What time?"
"I was watching one of my Judge shows," he pauses to flash me a gorgeous smile. "It had to have been around six I guess."
"Did he say what he wanted?" I cross my arms over my chest. "It's weird that he didn't try and call me."
He shrugs his left shoulder slightly. "He said he needed to talk to you and when I told him you weren't home from work yet, he mumbled something and took off."
"That's it?" I tilt my head to the side trying to decipher what the hell Caleb wanted.
"If he didn't try and call you, it's nothing." He motions towards where my phone is sitting atop my bed. "Call him and ask him. It's the sure way to find out what he wanted."
"I don't want to talk to him. Something happened today and I'm pissed. "
He rests both of his hands on my shoulders. "I know you've told me there's nothing going on between you and him but there's too much emotion there on both sides for you two to stay friends forever."
I reach up to grab his forearms. "Caleb and I have been friends my entire life. There's nothing there. There will never be anything between us beyond friends and right now I'm not even sure that exists anymore."
"Mark my words, Rowan," he begins before he leans down so he can lower his voice to a whisper. "The two of you want each other. You may not see it, but you feel it. I see it whenever you say his name. I saw it today when he said your name. It's going to happen."
I shake my head as I laugh softly. "I don't want him. I will never sleep with Caleb Foster."
