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It was a long time before Miranda could think clearly over what he had said, and when she did, she rolled over and cried.
Chapter Ten
When she got up the next day, it was as if she were on autopilot. It shouldn’t have been different. Declan usually slept in while she got ready for work, and she had breakfast that Dolly prepared. It shouldn’t have been different, but it was. With him gone, despite the fact that it was a beautiful morning and bright day, Miranda felt empty and listless.
“Come now, dear, I won’t have none of that. You’ll eat your breakfast like a good girl. If I didn’t take care of you while Declan is gone, he’d have my hide. If I may say, I’m tickled to know that you care about Declan as much as he does about you. I had hoped, and the signs were there, but you can never be too sure these days.”
Miranda’s head went up at Dolly’s words, and she blushed. Dolly laughed. “Come now, it was clear you had feelings, but you are much like Declan in keeping your feelings tight to you. It’s only in me practically raising him since he was a boy that I knew how deeply he felt about you. It was plain as day and, I could tell, just as scary for him. He isn’t one to give in to his feelings or much admit he has them. I took one look at the girl he married and just hoped it would be a clean break when the time came, and thankfully it was. But you, when he brought you down the stairs that first day, I about went down on my knees to give thanks he had found you. Declan is a good man and deserving of the happiness he can find. Wasn’t his fault his ma didn’t have it in herself to be there for him. Gypsies aren’t ones to settle outside their circle. It was madness of his da to think she could be changed. I suspect it was seeing his da waste away for loving the selfish thing after she’d long left that didn’t help him.
“But now that he’s found you, all of that is behind him. I can just see him now, a few babes at his feet and tickled pink happy. Good things come, if you’re patient.” Dolly was busy cleaning the breakfast dishes, so she didn’t notice that Miranda had gone pale at her last words.
Work passed in a blur, and as she cleared her desk, she had no memory of what she’d done for the day. Ignoring Declan’s previous declarations, Miranda left her office and began walking. She was back at the home she had lived in for years. She had made this her home, selecting all the paint on the walls and every piece of furniture, and as she sat down, the emptiness she felt threatened to overwhelm her. Looking around, all she could think was, it didn’t feel like home anymore. Less than five minutes after she entered the house, she was gone again, and she didn’t look back.
As she entered what now felt like home, she was shocked to find the hall filled with shopping bags from Beatrice’s boutique. A card was on top, a note from Beatrice letting her know that Declan had been very busy while she had changed, and had been quite taken with the lingerie in her store, and that she hoped both Miranda and Declan enjoyed the purchases.
Dragging the bags into the front television room, Miranda began to open box after box, and was thrilled and blushing by the time she was done. Declan had indeed been very busy, and as Miranda looked at the large selection of sexy lingerie, she couldn’t wait to wear them for him. The dresses were beautiful, some very casual and lightweight, others more formal, and all of them screamed expensive. When she had been with her husband, he made it clear she was expected to dress in a manner that fit his social status. She had been given an allowance for that reason, but not once had he ever told her she looked beautiful. Michael had never cared what she wore, only that it and she looked expensive. Miranda knew none of that had crossed Declan’s mind as he had wandered around Beatrice’s boutique and picked out clothes for her. It just wasn’t who he was.
That night, Miranda curled into one of the sinfully beautiful nightgowns Declan had purchased, and hoped he would come home soon.
The next day followed in a haze, and although she was able to put one foot in front of another, it wasn’t easier than it had been the day before. Added to that, she had begun her period. She laughed bitterly, remembering Dolly’s words of the day before. Her eyes closed against the image of a Declan in miniature in her arms. That night she stayed late, but instead of getting work done, she knew she was simply putting off going home to an empty house. Mark had texted her, telling her Declan was upset to find out she’d gotten home late the night before, without having Mark pick her up, and to please text him when she was ready. She was annoyed at Mark for telling on her, but gave in because she knew Declan was just as likely to be mad at poor Mark as he would be at her. Mark picked her up with a relieved smile, and she apologized if she had gotten him in trouble.
She was setting the oven to reheat the dinner Dolly had left when the doorbell rang. The sound was so surprising she jumped. Banging the oven door closed she moved cautiously down the hall.
“Who is it?” She turned on the light to the porch, but couldn’t make out the figures.
“Mrs. Beckett, this is the FBI. Agents John Tully and Frank Rich. Open the door, please, so we can speak with you.”
Miranda’s heart stopped and then started again, painfully. With a deep breath, she wondered what Declan would want her to do. Keying in the alarm code, she took another deep breath and unlocked the door. Two men, one slim and short with slicked-back blond hair and oddly light blue eyes, introduced himself as John Tully, and the other, broad and tall with a military crop cut for his sandy brown hair and sharp brown eyes, was Frank Rich. Shaking her head as the men moved forward, she stepped out onto the porch. “Can I see your badges, please?”
They gave each other a look and then handed over their badges. Miranda noted the worn leather and tried to remember the badge numbers.
“Mrs. Beckett, I think this discussion would be best done inside.”
“As I don’t see the need for a discussion at all, I highly doubt whether it is outside or inside that would matter. Please state your business, gentlemen. I was about to sit down to dinner.”
Another look passed between them, and Rich sighed. “Mrs. Beckett, we came here tonight to offer you the chance to work with us and help yourself out. We have had Declan Kelly under investigation for almost a year now, and we are closing in. Now, we understand you might not know everything there is to know about Kelly, but we do want you to know he is a dangerous man, and that if you help us, we can help you. When we take down his organization, we will take down everyone we can in it. If you help us with this, it will look good for you. It could lessen time or make it disappear entirely.”
Miranda had to say she was proud of herself for the look she gave the men. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Declan Kelly is the owner of pubs and a landlord. I don’t know where you’ve gotten your information, but I can’t help you.”
“Mrs. Beckett, we know about your brother and Declan Kelly. Don’t do this to yourself. We can help you. If you’re afraid of Kelly, we can protect you from what he’ll do to you when he finds out you helped us. Loan sharking, gambling, murder, this is not the type of man that you want to protect.”
“I don’t know the man you’re talking about. I would never be afraid of Declan. No matter what I did, he wouldn’t hurt me. I think it would be best if you both left now. We have nothing further to discuss.”
Tully stepped forward and handed her his card. “Mrs. Beckett, call me. The deal is on the table until noon tomorrow. Don’t make a choice you’ll live to regret.”
Taking the card she tore it in two. “Have a good night, gentlemen.” She watched as they got into the car at the curb, and then turned on stiff legs and went inside.
Back in the kitchen, she pulled out mushroom risotto and forced it down. In bed that night, lying in the dark, Miranda turned the conversation out on the porch over and over in her head. Miranda had always believed that when it came down to it, she would choose to do the right thing over wrong. Choosing Declan was the right thing for her. Declan was the only part of the equation that mattered, and although she attempted to dredge up angst, she couldn’t. No matter what Declan did, she wasn’t going to leave until he told her to go. She would also do something she never thought she would do. She would lie to herself about what Declan did outside of their home, in order to keep receiving the love he gave her inside their home.
Miranda had never been so grateful for her work as she was the next day. It felt like after she made her decision last night, she had started a new chapter, and couldn’t wait for it to really begin. For the last few weeks, she had simply been drifting through each day. The only thing she cared about was the time she spent with Declan. In the evenings they had dinner as soon as she got home. Then they usually sat in the front television room, where she watched bad reality television, and he read and laughed at her bad reality television. All the while making sure she was curled up tight against him.
Often, she would ask him about what he was reading, and she loved it when he talked to her about the poetry he read. Even the few squabbles they had over what each thought the poem meant was fun. Each night, almost without fail, he reached for her and took her to the stars. Lying in his arms, she would ask him about his time in Ireland or what he was like in college, loving just the sound of his voice in the dark wrapping around her. He seemed just as intent on finding out about her, once even asking her what her favorite color was, and they’d both laughed at how inane it sounded—but she understood the need to know everything about her, because she felt the same. She wanted to know his first memory, his favorite memory, and, even though it ached, the first time he made love.
Not counting the days, she had been content to follow Declan’s lead. While she wanted to know everything about Declan, beyond sex, Miranda had held back in other ways, which, as she looked back, hadn’t been fair.
Although she had been shocked at Declan’s declaration of love, he had been right, he had shown it over and over every day. It was only her own fear of her feelings that had kept Miranda from seeing and accepting it. Just the thought of his words filled Miranda with awe. Miranda had long given up on the thought of love, and to find it so completely and deeply made her feel like she didn’t want to miss a minute of it.
Chapter Eleven
