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“Yeah, Frank was one of my regulars. He lived in Boston but came to Vegas often for business. When he realized I wanted to quit he offered an arrangement. I wasn’t sure. I liked Frank but was afraid of finding myself at the mercy of a man’s whim again.”
“Like with your ex-husband. I’ve never seen abandonment on divorce papers before.”
Remembering how and when Billy abandoned me, I only nod. I don’t want to talk about it. “I talked about it with Tabatha. She liked Frank and told me it would be good for me. She even helped me draft a contract. Frank would pay my rent and a monthly allowance. The amount Tabatha told me to ask for seemed way too high. Frank only shrugged and said it was worth it since he didn’t have to pay for his current mistress in addition to what he paid when he saw me almost twice a month. So, I said yes and went to Boston. I worked my ass off to finish my degree, over the next three years. To get out from under Frank’s control.”
“Did he treat you badly?” His hand tightens around mine.
I shrug. “He was okay, really. It was just, he treated me like he owned me. He told me what to wear, and how to do my hair. Who I could and couldn’t talk to when we went out. I liked going out and roaming the city on the few days I wasn’t studying to get some air.
“The first year and a half or so it was no big deal. Then Frank got more controlling. I had to account for every minute I was away from the condo. Towards the end, it was more hassle than it was worth and I only left the condo for groceries.
“By the time I got my degree I was ready to end things with Frank because I felt like I was caged in. Frank tried to talk me into staying but I wanted out.” His questioning keeps the feeling lingering inside me. “Are you sure my past doesn’t bother you, it will stay in the past?”
“I can’t say there won’t be moments when I won’t wonder about the men who’ve touched you, won’t wonder if I’m making you feel better than they did. It’s my problem, not yours. Don’t worry. I won’t use it against you in an argument in the future.
“Your past makes up who you are for better or worse. I’m sure it was growing up the way you did that makes you the most prudish escort Tabatha has ever had on her books.”
“I’m not a prude. A prude doesn’t sell sex.” I’m mystified by how quickly he’s back to smiling and teasing me. “You know about me all the way back to my childhood. While I understand your need to know, I don’t want to talk about it.”
His hands tighten, he doesn’t let me go. “We’ve covered what I really wanted to know. You wanted us to get to know each other, how about some easier questions? What’s your favorite color? Let me guess, black. You seem to like wearing it.”
I shrug, “No, I wear black because I’m lazy and it’s easy to throw an outfit together. My favorite color is blue but not blue-blue, more turquoise. What’s your favorite color?”
“Blue, just blue. Although those grey eyes of yours are a hell of a lot more appealing than blue right now. Hmm... favorite flower?”
“Peonies.” I laugh as he looks mystified. “You don’t know what peonies are?”
“You got me, I expected you to say roses.” He goes to pull out his phone then sees my disappointment. “No phone, even to google these peonies. Why peonies?”
“Roses are boring. Peonies smell better, are prettier with lots of ruffles and are all different colors. You can also grow them without being a master gardener.”
“Do they come in turquoise?”
“No, not naturally. I’m not even going to ask you your favorite flower. What’s your favorite season?”
“I don’t know, never really thought about it. I do know I appreciate the excuse winter in Chicago gives me to not go out. It also slows the city down a little, makes everything softer, less sharp edges to the city. What made you choose Chicago and leave Boston?”
“I’ve been lucky enough to visit here often and really liked every visit. It’s such a unique city and the people are genuinely nice. People in Vegas were not nice, same with Boston. I knew I wanted to leave Boston because it was too expensive and too freaking cold. The first
place I thought of was Chicago. I also like how there are a lot of different types of industries and companies here. When I figure out what I want to do, hopefully it will be easy to find something here.”
“I’m very curious how you decided on an accounting degree only to find out you hated it.”
“Well, I researched for hours on what was the best degree to get. An accounting degree was the top rated one as far as ease of getting it online and job prospects once it was completed.
“Since all I had done was homeschooling, which I hated the entire time, I thought it was normal to hate what you are studying. The homeschooling was only ever to get the GED to satisfy the state requirements and keep CPS from bothering my parents. I learned only what I needed to pass a test. It was never about going onto college and continuing an education.
“From all the things I’ve heard, I also kind of thought it was normal. You do what you’re supposed to do not what you want. I tried, I really did. Three and a half years at the first company, sure it was the company I hated, then I tried another. Except it was a bigger company with all these rules and it was a dozen times worse.
“I started looking for another job after I got to my one-year anniversary because I was told it would look better on my resume. My manager found out I lied about going to the doctor’s appointment. I actually went on a job interview, and he fired me. Even though it was scary, I was actually happy when he fired me. At the time, I was sure it meant I could take my time and find a job I really liked. The only problem was every time they asked why I wanted to work for one company or another, I didn’t have a very good answer.”
“You didn’t have any aspirations when you were a kid? Doctor, lawyer, astronaut?”
“Nope. I grew up in a deeply religious family that instilled zero aspiration beyond being an obedient, god-fearing baby-making machine. Even though I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to be I had no idea how to even become something else.” I’m relieved when the calamari is set down in front of me, it’s the most I’ve talked about the past since forever, and it isn’t as easy as I want it to be. The waitress offers him a small plate for the calamari with his soup.
“Do you eat it with lemon and with marinara?”
“I like to do both and then sometimes just lemon. Try one, just one, you know you’re curious.” I prepare a curled strip with splash of lemon and marinara and offer it to him.
